An Assassin's Secert
by Beeface2012
Summary: Two girls living different lives, suddenly collide in this hair raising, suspence story about the love for two boys. Will Kira get in their way or can they prevail and have what everyone is wants. A happily ever after, or are they doomed for misery?
1. Chapter 1 Joe's POV

"BROTHER!" These short stubby legs wouldn't let me run fast enough, and the halls seemed to grow longer and longer with each throbbing step. My breathing was ragged and I felt like I was going to fall down and just break.

"BROTHER! PLEASE STOP!" I screamed, but it wouldn't make a difference. He wouldn't hear me, he wouldn't turn around and stare at me with those empty black eyes. Tears pushed at my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away.

My legs managed to carry me out towards the front door, my thighs burning and my knees hitting the concrete floor, scrapping them up. My eyes followed after the long black car as my brother, my only brother, pulled out and away, leaving me all alone on the front step of the Whammy Orphanage Home for Talented Children. My tears burned my cheeks and my body just wouldn't move. The rain bit through the thin layers of my clothes. It was always raining, with every single memory I own, it was always raining.

I was thirteen years old when my big brother left me.

I was thirteen years old, and completely alone.

And what did I do?

I fell apart.

*~*~*~*~*

"Aim a little higher. Your shot is still sloppy Josephina." I gripped the handle of the gun just a little bit tighter, my finger resting calmly on the trigger. I stared at my target, a tick piece of paper hanging a few feet in front of me. Easy shot, I told myself, an easy kill. "Remember to aim at the head."

"Yes sir." I leveled the gun, the nose straight and even, and I squeezed the trigger hard. It fired with a shrill pop, the bullet shooting out of the nose, and my shoulder popping back from the force. I found myself smiling triumphantly when I spotted the nice little hole in the paper dummy's head.

"Perfect! Well done Miss. Josephina. I'm sure your brother would be proud." I glanced over at Whammy, his timeless face looking worn and old. He was ageing. I never thought I'd see it. Flashes of when I was a little girl sitting in his office next to my brother as we gave him our first names only filled my head. He'd smiled at me then, those wrinkles hadn't been there. But that white hair, that stock of nicely brushed white hair, still remained.

"Your going to see my brother soon, aren't you Mr. Whammy?" I asked as I opened the bullet case, checking to make sure I'd used all my rounds. One left. I can get rid of it in a second. His smile never fell, I don't think the man ever really stopped being happy and content.

"That's right Miss. Josephina. He has called me with important news about his job. He's a very talented detective now." I nodded, closing the case a little too hard and staring up at him.

"I've heard. Why did he want you to come?" I turned back towards the dummy. I still had room towards the heart that I could try and take out.

"Well, being a detective is a hard job, especially since he can't really show his face, but he just wanted to talk about your arrangements coming up in the following year." I glared as I evened the gun again, my finger pulling and my shoulder snapping. "Very nice."

"Thanks, but what is this about my arrangements?" I asked and he smiled almost proudly.

"Well Miss. Josephina, you are turning sixteen soon." I nodded, walking over and placing the gun down on the table top. There was two other guns, some of my favorites, but I didn't really feel like practicing anymore.

"Sixteen is just a number, and it's really just another day, don't you think Mr. Whammy?" He didn't falter, didn't get angry, and didn't let that almost haunting smile fall from his old face.

"That day is important to me and your brother. And you should be happy, Mr. Lawliet has planned on coming down to visit you on that day." I couldn't stop myself, a smile spread out over my face and his small blue eyes sparkled a little as he smiled right back.

"Your not playing around now, are you Mr. Whammy?" I asked, my eyebrow going up in question.

"Why never Miss. Josephina!" He reached out for a hug, and I stepped into it, hugging the man that had become a father to me. "You know love, you should really smile more, it makes you more attractive."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I sneered as we broke apart, me heading towards the bathroom to wash my hands, him up the stairs to be with the rest of the kids.

"Just that you do make a beautiful young lady. But since you don't dress or act like one, it's hard to tell what you are anymore." I laughed and he let out a low chuckle. "I'll leave the lights on for you, be careful coming up."

"No need! You can cut them off, I'll go out the back way." There was a soft drone and I found myself walking in the dark, all alone. I flicked the lights on in the bathroom and headed towards the sink. No one knew about this underground gun shop that Mr. Whammy had built for me on my fourteenth birthday. I could remember the day when I walked up to him, a big smile on my face. I knew exactly what I wanted to be, and when I told him, he nearly passed out. His old face was whitened and he sat down in his office chair, needing to process the words that just came out of my mouth. Wanting to be a well trained assassin at the age of fourteen can be a little hard to swallow.

But he built it for me, and spent countless hours and endless nights sitting up with me just to make sure I learned how to hold, clean, and fire a gun. I learned in no time, and I'd gotten pretty good, but there's always room for better. I rinsed my hands and patted them dry on my baggy jean legs. I looked up in the mirror, almost shocked at how right Mr. Whammy was. I did look like a boy, with my baggy pants, my baggy flannel red shirt, and all my long black curls tucked up into a beanie hat. The only thing that could give me away really was the fact that I was wearing a little makeup, and my bright electric blue eyes. The weirdest set of eyes I'd ever seen on anyone, and they had to be mine.

I tore my eyes away and headed out of the bathroom, flicking the lights off as I went. I was going to go visit Near. He'd said something to me last night about being lonely, so I wanted to stop by and maybe do a puzzle or two with him. I pushed open the back door, light spilling in suddenly and I had to squint until my eyes got used to the sun. Since it was a nice bright day out, all the kids were on the playground, all blocking me from where I needed to go.

The second my foot hit the sidewalk, two bullies spotted me out. I'd been pushed around by them a lot, and they actually thought I was a guy, a very short, skinny guy who hadn't matured yet. I smelled them before I saw them, and when I did, they had me by the neck of my shirt, staring down at me with an evil grin.

"Well if it isn't Joe! Did the little cry baby finally decide to show his face off?" Carlen laughed as he pushed his freckled face closer to mine. "And look! The little sissy has been practicing his makeup too!"

"Do you feel pretty with that makeup on sweetheart?" Hayden sneered in with his buddy, a smile wide on his face. I wanted to say that I did, but I knew that would earn a punch to the face. I didn't feel like cleaning up another knick on the lip from one of their fists. I just wanted to get to my friend, and be left alone.

"Please don't do this now." I tried to beg, using my deep voice so they wouldn't notice I was really a girl. I always pulled that phony voice out, not really talking too much around everyone, but only when I had too. It fooled them enough, but I don't know how much long I can keep it up. I'm not a boy, it's becoming very clear. I'm getting curves, sharp curves, and a chest that keeps getting bigger.

"What do you mean don't do this now?! Are you telling me what to do? Or do you have a gay date to get on too." They laughed and crowd queer over and over again before shoving me hard to the ground. I slid back, my butt burning.

"Who the hell do you think you are punk?! You don't tell me what to do! I'll do what I want!" Carlen screamed, his face turning bright red. I cringed as his knee bent back, his foot popping forward hard into my side. I grunted as I rolled over on my chest.

"I'll teach you a lesson you little queer!" Hayden added in, standing on the other side, his foot connecting with my shoulder. I groaned and that just fueled their hate, the feet coming back again and again.

"What's going on over here?" A voice piped in, causing the guys to move away and stare at the person who'd spoken. I sat up, scooting back and away from them, not really able to see the kid over their wide shoulders. They were two of the biggest kids in the orphanage, not some of Whammy's favorites either. They often took their size to their advantage.

"What do you want? Are you this freaks boyfriend or something?!" I stood up, turning to lift my shirt and see the huge foot sized welts growing around my waist and ribs. I was going to really feel that tomorrow, this had to be the worst beat down they'd given me.

"No, honestly I don't know this kid. But I know you shouldn't be kicking him around like that. How'd you feel if that was you?" Carlen smiled wickedly, his freckles burning bright.

"How about you tell me instead." He got ready to reach out to this blonde haired boy, when the guy reached out a pale hand and snapped Carlen's wrist back. There was a crunch, and Carlen's freckled hand was standing right up from his wrist, broken. Blood slipped out from a cut on his wrist, and he let out a shrill sharp scream.

"How about you? Do you wanna find out too?" He asked Hayden, but Hayden shook his brunette head wildly, grabbing his buddies arm, and dragging him away, screaming and cussing this blonde boy out. I stared at him, his narrowed chocolate brown eyes sliding over to meet mine. Was he Japanese? He talked Japanese.

"Are you alright kid?" He asked, and I jumped a little.

"Yeah, just sore." I barked out and he raised a wondering eyebrow up at me. I'd never seen this kid before. He was taller than me, thin like me. He was dressed in all black, black pants and a black long sleeved shirt. In one hand he held a unwrapped chocolate bar, a few bites already taken out of it.

"Where were you headed too? I'll walk you." I flushed up, my cheeks burning bright, and I knew he was really going to think I was gay for it.

"Oh no. That's cool. I can walk." I took a staggering step forward, and collapsed when my knees buckled under me. I screamed when my side connected with the ground. Okay, maybe I was hurt a little worse than I thought.

"Okay, let's get you to Whammy." He started to reach out to help me up but I threw out my hand to stop him.

"No! I can get up, I'm fine." I started to get up, but then my hat started to slip, and before I had a chance to reach up and stop it, long black curls slowly fell down in front of my face like a curtain. Oh no.

"Well there's a surprise." I heard him mumble as I slowly sat up, pushing my hair back from my face, reaching out and grabbing my hat. "I knew you couldn't be a guy."

"What?" I asked, truly shocked! What did that mean? I could be a great guy!

"Your voice, your eyes, your cheekbones, and the way you stand. Plus you lifted your shirt, and there is no way in hell any boy would have curves like that. And your wearing makeup. That's a big one." My mouth fell open and he chuckled, his chocolate eyes looking almost like honey in the light.

"Oh." I mumbled and that only made him laugh more. He stood up, holding out his hand for me to take, and I did, smiling and thanking him softly under my breath.

"The least you can let me do is walk you to wherever the hell your going. And tell me your name." I flushed up again, but I didn't let him see as I pushed by him, walking towards the large grey building. The sky suddenly became dark, grey sad clouds rolling in, and I frowned, annoyed, as the rain started to fall.

"My names Josephina. What about yours?" He smirked a little, I guess my name was a little fancier than he thought. It wasn't my fault, my brother named me.

"Mello." He mumbled and I smiled.

At age fifteen I met my first real friend.

At age fifteen everything started.

And it was all in the rain.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"But I don't wanna play with Mello!" Near whined as I sat in front of him on the floor in my room. He'd stopped by today to visit me, and I'd already made plans to take Mello down to the gun room.

"Please, do this for me Near. You know, my birthday is tomorrow." I looked up at him through my eyelashes, the same little trick he'd pulled on me all the time to get what he wanted.

"But he always picks on me." I reached out, rubbing those silver locks softly. He reminded me so much of my brother, he was always looking sad, and his hair was just bed head crazy. He blushed a little, his pale cheeks turning a soft pink.

"I wont let him. I promise." He sighed and stood up, almost reaching my waist now. I was wearing well fit jeans and a tight black long sleeved top. I'd become more comfortable with my body, now that I was really curvy and a full woman. I was turning seventeen tomorrow, and I was anticipating my yearly visit from my brother. Nothing could bring my spirits down.

"What are we gonna do Josie?" I reached down and took Near's tiny hand in mine, leading him towards the hidden stairwell that descended down to the sound proof room. When we walked in the door, a familiar loud pop echoed in the room, ringing bright in my ear. I let go of Near's hand and rushed down the steps to find Mello, arms out straight, holding tightly to my favorite gun, his eyes covered with the protective goggles that I never wear, and his ears blocking out all the loud shrill ringing sounds. I smiled when he didn't notice me, and listened to the pop of the gun, my whole body tingling. I wanted to shoot with him, but I was so surprised that he knew how. And so well!

"Guns? I don't like guns Josie." Near complained as he sat down next to me, his arm reached up to hold my hand.

"I know, but this is what I wanted to show you guys. This is where I spend all my time." Mello turned, I guess feeling my eyes burning into his back. He smiled a little, and then saw Near sitting next to me and made a face. I glared at him warning him, and he rolled his eyes, taking off the protective goggles and ear guards.

"So this was what you wanted to show us? I like it." I smiled and squeezed Near's hand. "But if I knew he was going to be here, I would of continued studying."

"Mello!" I shouted and Near dropped my hand, looking down at the ground as he pulled one knee up to hug.

"What?! You know how I feel about him Joe!" He shouted and threw the empty gun and gear on the ground. "I'm going. If you want me you know where to find me."

"Mello! Stop! Don't go!" The sound of the door slamming made me stop begging and I stood still, staring down at Near.

"I told you." He whispered and I kneeled down in front of him.

"Hey, don't get upset about it. Mello is an ass. He'll come around." Near gave a soft smile before pushing off the ground and leaving too. A day before my birthday, and Mello found a way to ruin it. I sighed as I stood up, walking up the long stairwell and walking down the hall, towards the study room that my brother spent countless hours sitting in, reading and learning.

"Hey." I whispered as I knocked on the door, causing Mello to tear his melted chocolate brown eyes away from the window. He quickly looked away and crossed his arms, defiant and ready for a fight.

"If you're here to yell at me, just save your breath, I'm not listening." I walked over next to him, leaning against the desk he was standing behind and watching the rain smack hard against the window. I felt his eyes drift over to me, taking me in.

"I'm not gonna yell. I just wish you two would get a long better. He really looks up to you Mel." He growled at my nickname for him and I smiled.

"No, and don't call me that!" I sighed and shook my head.

"Hey. Can I ask you something?" I looked over at Mello, his body language really stiff and uncomfortable. He was planning something, and I knew it involved me.

"What is it?" I couldn't help but notice how he smelled like gun powder and oil. It was so strong and intoxicating.

"I want. . . I want you to come to New York with me." My eyes widened as he turned to me, his narrowed and serious. He was two years older than me, but I was really starting to notice how much of a man he was becoming. His shoulders were wider, his face stronger and more cut. His hair was still the same silly style, and his love for chocolate was unending.

"When?" He almost smiled, but then realized I hadn't said yes and stopped himself.

"Tomorrow night." He reached around to his blue jean pocket and pulled out two plane tickets. "I really want you to come Joe."

"O-okay." I mumbled and a big smile broke out on his face. He reached out and hugged me tight and I softly squeezed back.

Age seventeen, and I just made the choice that would change my life forever.

Age seventeen and I'd started my life with Mello.

All while it was raining.

It was always raining.


	2. Chapter 2 Kimblee's POV

"She's the best daughter anyone could ask for." My mothers nails dug deeper into my shoulder and I forced a bright happy smile. Her hand slowly left my shoulder and she wrapped her arms around me in a tight side hug, doing her best to show that we were one big happy family, but I knew what went on behind closed doors and it was far from happy. I looked up at my mother with a bright wide smile and she returned it, but the hate that flashed threw her eyes was easy to pick up. I wasn't surprised if her arm was burning with just the touch of me.

"And I couldn't ask for a better mother." I returned and I couldn't believe how genuine it sounded. After doing it since you were a toddler and realizing how important your good behavior mattered for you health, I guess you get pretty good at it. I looked away from my mother and back at the woman in front of us. Her dark green eyes scanned over me, judging me from top to bottom. I could hear the thoughts going through her head. She probably started with the hair and then my pale complexion giving me the appearance of being on the brink of death, my abnormally large emerald green eyes and my long golden blonde hair that was curled slightly for the evenings party. I was told once that I resembled a porcelain doll. I didn't see it.

The woman's nose wrinkled in disgust and her lips pursed. "Well, it's nice to see that happy families still exist." My mother nodded and pulled me closer to her and kissed me lightly on the top of the head.

"It's easy when you have a wonderful daughter and husband." She bragged once more and the woman in front of me smiled also, but it looked more like a snarl. She was just hoping for something, anything that she could gossip about my family.

"Mother, may I be excused to the rest room?" I glanced up at her and she smiled down at me lovingly, but her arms tightened around me warningly.

"Of course my dear!" She exclaimed and she released her hold and I stepped away. I smiled at the lady, who's name I couldn't remember and turned quickly and exited the large ballroom. I could never remember their names and I knew that would be a smack later. They were just faces to me. Faces that had been around since I was a baby. Faces that were at all my birthday parties and expected me to know each and everyone of them. I never did and probably never would. I hated them all.

I raced to my bedroom and quickly picked up my cell phone that was sitting on the edge of the bed, without stopping I then rushed to the adjoining bathroom and slammed the door close along with the lock. I leaned against the counter and dialed in a number quickly.

The phone didn't ring for long and I didn't wait for someone to say anything. I knew he was there.

"Save me? If I spend another minute with these stuck up bitches I'm going to go insane." There was a slow exhale of breath and I knew at that moment, he was smoking one of his damned cigarettes. There was a low chuckle and I rolled my eyes. "You should stop smoking you know that?"

"And do you know that you should actually spend time with your family?" I snorted and he laughed again. "I need more cigs anyway. I'll be there soon. Be ready this time please?"

"Yes sir!" I said in mock salute and slapped the phone shut quickly. I didn't think twice when I quickly slipped off the heels and bright blue dress that my mother picked out for me. I glanced in the mirror and winced at the ugly bruise that was on my side. It contrasted insanely with my pale skin. I brought my hand over and poked it and felt the faint pain that shot up my side. It was still tender. This was the outcome of telling my mother I didn't want to go to her stupid party and there was sure to be another one tonight when she finds out that I ditched.

Oh well.

It was worth it.

I ran from my bathroom to my closet and through on a pair of blue jeans and a long sleeve black shirt. The only reason he would of said yes was he needed help with something. Something that we couldn't get caught doing. So I had to go prepared. I then slipped on a pair of chucks and exited my closet and leaned up against my bedroom door. The party was still raging wildly behind the door and I smiled. It was going to be an easy escape.

I still locked the door just in case.

It didn't take long till I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket. A grin broke out across my face and I walked over to my window and threw it open. I glanced around the darkened yard and sure enough, sitting on the high stone wall, there he was. He was faster than usual. He was probably already going to break me out tonight, which means I was right. He had something big planned, which meant it was going to be dangerous. I help up my finger and rushed back inside, grabbing my knives, and then I climbed out, carefully down the vines that covered my house.

My feet hit the ground with a soft thump and then I was gone, racing through the yard and to the large stone wall. I made a soft noise trying to get his attention, but had no luck. Was he still there? Or did he already leave?

"Matt?" I called out in a harsh whisper. I was about to call out again when his head popped over the edge. He was smirking, an unlit cigarette hanging between his lips. I glared up at him.

"Bout time your skinny ass got here. Come on! We got things to do, love. Yea?" I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but smile. I climbed the wall as quickly as I could and when I reached the top, Matt wasn't there, but already on the other side, leaning against the wall. I took one last glance at my house, before jumping down and landing next to him.

"So what're we doing tonight?" I questioned, when I looked back at Matt. He shrugged off the wall, lighting his cigarette and shrugged his shoulders. He started to walk away and I fell into step next to him, waiting for his answer. He took a long drag of his cigarette and pulled it away from his lips, exhaling the deadly smoke.

"You'll see." He smirked and lead me down the darkened street, eyeing the expensive cars that lined the drive ways. I knew exactly what he was thinking and I didn't stop him, but helped him. Matt and I had a weird relationship. I was the one who provided the money for his wrong doings and he became my friend. I knew he was using me and I was just happy to have a friend, but I couldn't honestly say I cared. I enjoyed his company. Someone real.

It was different for me.

I wasn't used to it, but I liked it.

Even if it wasn't real.

* * *

It was hard to describe how Matt and I met. It wasn't what I think someone would call the "normal" way. If there even is one. It was actually really random. He changed my life and I couldn't say I wasn't happy that he did. It gave my life some excitement. Something new. Something I didn't know I was looking for.

I was walking alone on a typical Saturday night. I was sent out by my mother, to make an appearance out on the town and be seen in the magazines the next morning. Mother loved to be on the cover of every magazine as much as possible. Sometimes I believed she liked to live through me. I didn't see why she just didn't go out herself. Most of her friends do and they have daughters my age or older.

Anyway, as I was saying, I was walking home from the club I was told to go to. I really didn't do anything there. I never did. I could never saw the fun of those dance clubs. Maybe it was because I always went alone and never had anyone to talk to, whatever the reason. I never stayed long.

I had walked from the club, ignoring the flashing lights from the photographers and continued on my walk down the street. It didn't take them long to forget about me as someone walked into the club. They never really liked me, I never did anything outrageous or even try to flinch away from them. I just ignored them. It was the easiest thing to do, but my mother didn't like that. She wanted me to be the center of attention always.

The streets were dark and I didn't think nothing of it. I just wanted to get home and out of this stupid little dress I was forced into and out of these damn heels! They weren't the most comfortable of things to be forced to walk around in. Especially when I had to walk home because I was too young to drive alone.

I had always heard about people getting mugged, or kidnapped, or raped when they walked home late at, but I never thought it'd happen to me. Not in a million years. But there is always a first time for everything and another thing I'd never though would happen along with the mugging, raping, or kidnapping is that a person could meet there best friend. The two just didn't fit together.

But it was how it happened. I met my best friend when he tried to mug me on a dark street on my way home. The key word is that he tried, but couldn't succeeded. I'm not going to lie and say I kicked his ass, because that is even close to what really happened. He attempted to mug me, but didn't get very far, because for some reason he just stopped and stared.

So I stared back, while he was pointing a gun at me. I was scared, yes, but I just stared, waiting for him to make the first move. He stared at me, a cigarette hanging between his lips, holding the gun up and he wasn't really aiming, just holding it there for effect. I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't really loaded that day. He brought a hand to his lips and took a long drag, pulling out his cig and blowing a puff of smoke into the air.

"Well? Aren't you going to scream? Beg for me not to kill you or something?" He questioned, waving his gun around for emphasis. He took brought his cigarette up to his mouth again and sucked on it for a minute before throwing it on the ground and stomping on it with his foot.

"I didn't know screaming was mandatory." I muttered, eyeing the gun and then glancing back at the guy in front of me. It was then I realized that he wasn't much older than me. He had dark reddish brown hair in a shaggy disarray and the color of his eyes were a mystery and still are till this day. He always has on these bulky yellow goggles, covering his eyes and it was clear he wasn't big on the fashion either. He was wearing blue jeans, a black t shirt and the weirdest vest. It was rather fuzzy for a man to be wearing, but here he was.

"No. But I thought it was something you prissy bitches did. Scream at any sign of danger." He held his hands up in front of him and did an imitation of a girly scream and I snickered. He stopped and lifted a brow, eyeing me strangely. "She doesn't scream but, laughs."

"Who said I was a prissy bitch?" I questioned and he flicked something on his gun and crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing as he looked me up and down. I crossed my arms also and returned the look, this receiving me a smirk from him.

"Well, by the looks of what you're wearing, you have money and you just came from one of the most prestigious clubs in this area, not to mention the necklace around your neck. It's encrusted with emeralds, that oddly match your eyes." He stopped for a minute and I could feel a blush rise to my cheeks.

"That doesn't mean anything! Ever heard of thrift stores? You could easily find exactly what I'm wearing." I said smugly, smirking and praying to god that he didn't notice the blush that had crept onto my cheeks.

"I'd believe that if your last name wasn't Bricker." My smirk fell and I sighed, uncrossing my arms. He smiled and nodded his head. "So I believe you are of the prissy bitch persuasion."

"Okay. What do you want?" I handed over my small pocketbook and his eyes dropped from mine to the bag and then back at me again. I waved it in front of him once more and he didn't reach for it. "Well?"

"I don't want your money." He muttered, slipping his gun under his arm and digging in his pocket for something. I stared at him confused as he pulled a carton out of his pocket and pulled out a sleek white stick from the carton. He glanced at me as he placed it between his lips and placed it back into his pocket, pulling out a lighter. He lit the cigarette and took a deep breath, sucking in a big breath. He removed the stick and blew out a good puff of smoke, only to replace it again.

"Then why did you hold me at gun point if you had no intention of stealing my money or anything from me?" I demanded angrily and he shrugged his shoulders, removing the gun from his hand and sticking it in his coat pocket. He pulled the stick from his mouth once more and exhaled deeply.

"I had the intention of stealing something, but when you offered, I didn't want it. I don't need someone to offer me something. I can take care of myself just fine." He continued to smoke his cigarette and I stared, slack jawed at this strange boy. He walked over and tapped my chin. "Not a good look for you dear. I'm sure your Mommy wouldn't approve. Wouldn't want her lovely daughter to be on the cover of a magazine with a bug in her mouth."

"I could care less what my mother thinks." I mumbled, grinding my teeth at the thought of that woman. I glanced back at the boy and he was staring at me strangely. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. "Well I got to go. Bye. . .thank you for not shooting me and I guess I will never see you again."

I turned around on the spot, giving him a small wave and started back on my way home. I remember thinking that, I would always remember that night as the strangest night of my life. But what was about to happen next, made me remember that night for a whole different reason.

"What if I want to see you again?" I was going to go on and ignore what he said, until it actually registered in my head what he had actually said. See me. Again. I stopped and turned around, raising a brow at him. He had his hands in his pocket and another cigarette already between his lips.

"Why would you want that? I'm just a prissy bitch remember." He nodded his head but, shrugged his shoulders. I crossed my arms once more and continued to stare at him. He stared back, smoking his cigarette and eyeing me, and he would tell me later on that he was going through the pros and cons of having me around.

"You could come in handy." He finally said and took the few steps forward, until he was a few feet in front of me. He held out a hand and smiled. "I'm Matt by the way."

I stared at his hand for a few moments and then slipped mine into his, with a smile.

"Kimblee." I returned, but added in quickly. "But you can call me Kimbee."

And that's how it all started.

My life changed in a matter of maybe twenty minutes all because of one boy who tried to mug me.

* * *

"What is the purpose of me coming all the way out here?" I whispered, walking blindly through the dark hallways, careful not to wake Matt's landlord. He was after Matt for his rent money and Matt didn't have it, because he of course spent it on something he thought was more important. Cigarettes. I offered to pay it, but he refused. I followed behind Matt as he opened his apartment door and holding it open for me. I walked in slowly and glanced at him, waiting for him to explain. He had told me on the phone he has something important to tell me, but he wouldn't tell me what that was.

"Just shut up and go sit down, Prissy!" He ordered and pointed to the raggedy old couch I had spent countless afternoons sitting here playing video games with Matt. I stuck my tongue out at him and walked over plopping down, with a loud exaggerated sigh.

"You need to hurry up and tell me! You're taking away from my beauty sleepy." I joked leaning back and holding a hand up to my forehead dramatically. I waiting for the chuckle that usually came from Matt when we joked around, but it never did. Something was seriously wrong. I opened my eyes and peered over at Matt, he had his hands in his pocket and wasn't smoking.

"Matt? What's wrong?" I whispered and he glanced over at me and shook his head. He walked over and sat next to me on the couch and leaned his elbows on his knees. I sat up straighter and turned so I was facing him on the couch. He only acted like this if he had a plan and he thought it was too dangerous for me. But I could hold my own really good and he knew that.

"I'm leaving Kimbee." He muttered side glancing at me and I swear my heart stopped. Then it sunk in he had to be joking and I laughed smacking him lightly on the shoulder.

"Very funny Matt. Seriously, what's up?" I stared at him expectantly and he stayed serious.

No.

He couldn't be.

Leaving?

Why? "I'm not kidding Kim. I got an offer from someone and he seems, cool. Something I want to be apart of." I looked down at my hands and swallowed, the lump in my throat getting uncomfortable and no matter how many times I swallowed. It never disappeared. I couldn't look up and meet his eyes, not wanting him to not see me about to cry, so I looked at his hands. He was wringing them in front of him and I noticed the fresh cuts that lined his wrists.

"Okay." I muttered, not trusting my voice to say more and I stood up. "I guess I better get home then. Mothers been paranoid lately and checking my room more often." I smiled at him, but I'm sure it wasn't convincing, because he grabbed my hand, stopping me.

"I'm sorry Kimbee. I want to stay, I just can't live like this. I don't have the luxury you have." I pulled my hand out of his and nodded. I hated that line and I hated that I had that luxury.

"I know. It's okay Matt." I laughed and smiled once more, not caring if it was convincing or not. I had to hold it together, at least not until I was away from his watchful eye. "I'm going to go. I guess this is goodbye then." Matt stood too and went to grab my arm again, but I moved to quickly away, before he got the chance. I smiled and blew him a kiss before rushing to the door.

I opened it and stood for a minute, glancing back at the darkened hallway, debating whether I should run back in and tell him to take me with him or just walk out and go back to my old life. I didn't need to bother him no more, he found someone better and I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. I glanced at the little table that was by the side of the hallway and on it sat a pair of yellow goggles.

I glanced back down the hallway and then at the goggles. I picked them up slowly and held them in my hand, gripping them tightly. I whispered a small goodbye before turning around and closing the door behind me. I walked home after that clutching the goggles to my chest, wiping away at my eyes as the tears slowly started to fall.

Good things can only last for so long.

Right?


	3. Chapter 3 Joe's POV

It felt like I was living on top of the world, costing by on an unnatural high, and I couldn't stop smiling. Standing in front of a rundown hotel, I shifted my book bag up on my shoulder more. I didn't have many clothes, I wasn't a privileged smart student like my Brother had been, but at least I had some decent clothes. Nothing flashy, stylish or pretty, just Plain Jane clothes. In my hand I had my big canvas bag slap full of all my favorite little guns and pack loads of bullets, plus a few silencers(a gift from dear old brother). At least I'd gotten to see him before we left.

Mello turned the lock and smiled as he pushed the door open, reaching down for his own duffle bag of little goodies. We stood there, peering in, the smell of mildew greeting us with a bad welcome. This was an old place, that was for sure. The single red couch in the living room with added kitchen space looked faded, snagged, and super dirty. The kitchen wasn't much. A small four seat table and a fridge with a badge oven next to it. There was a small little cupboard looking thing over the oven and a door that was probably a tight pantry. There was a rug that looked like a reddish color, probably something that matched that faded couch, but with time and thousands of feet walking over it, it had diminished the color, and texture it looked like. But there was a plus! We had a T.V. And since Mello was such a huge techno freak, that little T.V. would soon be expanded into a monster screen.

"Well, you first sweetheart." I made a face at him and he just chuckled as I pushed my way through the door, the smell increasing. An old lady had to of been here last. The guy told us that someone killed themselves in one of the rooms. Since there were two, one of us was going to be laying down with a ghost tonight. He'd really gone into details about it too, a gun to the head, held under the chin, blood stains were still on the ceiling.

"I WANT THE HAUNTED ROOM!" I screeched and Mello laughed out loud, walking in, throwing the duffle bag on the ground and closing the door. I raced towards the hall room, glancing at the two doors and opening the one of the left wall, the bedroom smelled like an old attic, and had a chill to it that raced through my bones and made me shiver, my eyes roamed over the queen sized bed, made and ready for someone to lay down in with stark white sheets and a red overthrow blanket. I continued to look around, seeing a open tiny closet, and a hardwood dresser that looked dusty and worn. There was a matching bedside table with a tiny yellowish lamp sitting on it and a (this century) alarm clock. There were long red drapes over the small window and I didn't bother lifting the blinds up. I'm sure I'd just see brick wall. I glanced at the ceiling, seeing a wide brown splatter mark that looked like mud had been thrown up there.

"FOUND IT!" I smiled with glee. I dropped my bags and walked out in the hall, assuming the other closed door was my bathroom. Mello walked out with a grin.

"Good, cause I have a bathroom in my room! HA!" I stuck my tongue out but was secretly grateful. I got up really early, and I made breakfast for myself, and now Mello, and I really didn't feel like seeing a half naked Mello running across that hall everyday. YIKES!

"Well that's just fine! I hope you feel all fancy Mr. Smartass!" He walked over and laughed.

"So how does it feel?" He asked, those brown eyes looking like melted chocolate. I loved how one laugh or smile changed the darkness of them straight to that rich swimming melted chocolate look.

"Feel like what?" He rolled those beautiful eyes I'd spent the last few years growing up to love.

"You know, how does it feel to finally leave the orphanage and start a life of your very own?" I rolled my eyes up towards the stained ceiling and touched my finger to my lip.

"Um. . . .I dunno." I shrugged my shoulders and Mello narrowed those gorgeous eyes at me.

"Don't play dumb Nuthead." I pouted my lip out at him and he smiled that big wide playful smile that made his eyes shine. Even if he wasn't the cutest boy I'd ever seen, those eyes would make him irresistible.

"I don't know what your talking about." I giggled and then slowly pressed myself against him, hugging him tight. I was wearing his baggy black shirt, so the sleeves slipped over my hands, letting me use the long cuffs to lock him in place. He didn't object of push me away like he used to when we were little, instead sighed and hugged me tight, breathing in a deep sent of my hair. "Honestly, I'm scared. I'm used to having someone take care of me. But hey, at least we'll get to eat every night now, instead of having to wait!"

I smiled as I pulled my head away from his chest, swearing I heard his heart hitch an extra beat. I had to be imagining it. Maybe Mello just had a heart mummer or something. That had to be it. Yeah.

"Yeah, that's the good thing about being independent, and with this business I've started, we'll have money coming in like crazy. You'll be the richest girl around!" I shook my head, my long hair dancing at the edge of my jeans, brushing softly across my back. I knew Mello was just boasting, trying to seem big. He had more confidence than any man in the world, but I was more realistic, and I knew that this little 'business', wasn't going to turn into anything big. I knew I'd have to find a real job, just to get food to eat. What job would hire someone like me, I had no idea.

"And how do you expect to get all this money?" I asked and that nearly sent the poor boy into a frenzy.

"What do you mean how? I've explained a thousand times exactly how I'm going to get this money!" He pulled away and stared at me with wide, over exaggerated eyes, but still just as beautiful.

"I know you have, and I think it's great that you have this plan and all Mello, really I do. It's an amazing plan and all, but we have to get money, and soon, to pay rent, and food, and clothes, and all the other little things that we're going to need. Not to mention bullets and gun cleaner." I held up my fingers, showing him all the things we needed this money for. He stared for a second, and then shook his head, that shoulder length golden hair swishing softly.

"Just listen Josie. Okay, so you know how I called that friend I told you about, right?" He paused giving me time to nod my head for him to continue. I remember him talking to this weird guy on the phone on the train ride here, and then him telling me that he'd get back to him with an answer for something. I didn't remember much, because not too long after I fell asleep leaning against Mello's shoulder.

"Well he called me back right when we got here, and said he'd do it! That means I already have one person working for me! In no time there will be others!" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Mello, that's one person, and how do you even know you can trust this guy? What if he's a creep and how the hell do you think you'll be able to pay him for his time? We don't have any money Mel!" His eyes narrowed right back at mine, his chocolate eyes fading and replaced with that hard brown color. His shoulders stiffened and he was already forming words to start a fight with when it came.

"Look Joe. If you aren't going to try and support me through this, then you can go back to the orphanage." He growled, the asshole side springing through.

"I'm not going back there Mello, and you know damn well that I'm here to do nothing but support you! But we can't just bet everything on this one silly dream!" His eyes grew wide and he stomped his foot hard, holding in a pissed of scream.

"What the hell do you mean, silly dream?!" He screamed out in a shrill voice. Great we were here for a few hours and we were already screaming at each other. The landlord is going to kick us out for sure. "If you think I have a silly dream then you can forget ever being an assassin cause you and I know that's never happening."

I closed my mouth and stared at him, a prickling burning in my eyes. I tried to rub it away with the back of my hand, but it didn't work, and soon tears started to spill over. His eyes instantly softened, cause he knew I never cried, not about anything hardly. The only times I've cried was when my Brother left the first time, then to the time I shot my leg when I dropped a gun, and the last time was when I told Near goodbye. He instantly tried to reach out, his hands looking clumsy and confused, and I just turned and walked towards my room, closing and locking the door. He must of followed cause he started pounding on it, screaming for me to come out, but I laid down in the haunted bed and tuned him out.

Guess I wasn't on top of the world.

At age seventeen I was already regretting my stupid decision.

At age seventeen I was already learning to be an adult.

Without any dreams to look forward too.

Thanks a lot Mello.

*~*~*~*~*~*

There was a faint knock on the door and I pushed off the couch, Mello not even flinching or looking up. We still weren't on good terms with each other, but that's what was to be expected after a huge blowup. I hadn't touched or cleaned my guns in two days. I pressed my hand on the cool brass knob, squeezing it and turned it slowly, peering around the edge to see a boy standing there looking off towards the passing cars. He was rubbing the back of his head, ruffling straight short reddish hair. A pair of yellow goggles were strapped to his head, obscuring his eye color and leaving it a mystery. He was biting on a cigarette, the end brightly lit and slowly eating towards the end. I found his stripped red shirt funny, and his torn jeans gave off the impression of a slacker.

"Um. . . .is there something you need?" I asked and he glanced over, his eyes wide.

"Your not Mello, are you?" He pointed and I glanced at his glove covered hands, one clinging tightly to a very large bag. He had a bag over his shoulder too. This was the guy I guess.

"No, King Dick is on the couch." I moved aside so he could squeeze his way through and went to sit at the kitchen table, completely ignored as Mello smiled towards the weirdo slacker kid and took his hand in a strong manly shake. I plopped my chin down in my upraised hand and stared at the two as Matt dropped his things and made himself comfortable on the couch. He was here but a few seconds and already he feels confident enough to make himself at home.

"I know we talked over the phone and all, but could you explain more about what you do, so that someone can understand better." I caught Mello's not so discrete gesture towards my way and simply lifted my middle finger towards him.

"Ha! She's charming." The kid smiled towards me and I just rolled my eyes.

"Yeah well your no prince." I sneered and he raised a curious brow before turning back to Mello who was sending hate daggers my way.

"Well I told you I'm big on technology, I just don't have anything to use. Being kind of homeless does have it's downfalls, but I've spent a lot of times in stores screwing with computers and I can do all that stuff for you. Just as long as you supply." He explained but had to pause every now and then to take a hard deadly drag on that cigarette. I didn't like the way it smelled, but I just turned my nose up and didn't say anything. I've already said enough and I really didn't feel like getting chewed out by Mello tonight. "I'm also really good with these pretty little toys." I heard the dull familiar click of a safety lock on a gun. I turned my head and saw the fancy flashy gun in his gloved hand and instantly stood up. He turned his head, smirking my way and pointing the gun at me.

"Do it, I dare you." I scowled as I walked over, letting my fingers rest on the cool surface of the gun, letting the nose of it press against my stomach. I felt it softly rub my belly through the thin fabric of my white tee. I slowly let my fingers inch towards his that were softly pressed against the trigger. "Do you really think your man enough to kill a girl?"

"Wow. Your something else." He smiled and chuckled before pulling the gun away. The nose of the gun felt like it was burned into my stomach, and I couldn't lie, my heart was racing. That was a good way to test the trust of someone.

"She's obsessed with guns, to a point where it's almost unhealthy." Mello mumbled as he looked towards the small black screen of the television.

"You're a gun girl?" He nodded towards me as he flicked the safety back on and stuck it in his bag. When he turned his head back up towards me, I tried to figure out his eye color, but it was still fogged over with yellow.

"Till I die from one. I could kill you with my eyes closed, and I'm not saying that to brag. I'm too proud to brag." Mello was nodding his head, but still not looking at me. This was our silent way of apologizing, and I was already wondering how long it would last until our next blow up.

"Well your pretty hardcore." He turned towards Mello. "So, when do I start?" Mello glanced up at me before smiling towards the boy I would later call Matt.

"Now."

Age seventeen, things still weren't looking better.

Age seventeen, I'd started a family of my own.

But I was still alone.

*~*~*~*~*

With time, I found a job, a solid one too, that paid well. I was able to keep the two boys in the house fed and happy, and I even managed to keep myself happy with the little left over money I had for a shopping trip on a rainy day. Whenever that would happen. The only problem about my job was, I had to be a guy. It wasn't that I wasn't used to it or anything, just the fact that I'd changed a lot. I'd turned twenty, and I had a woman's body now. Sharp cut curves, hips, and butt(small but there) and boobs. Those were hard things to hide, but I managed it. I even tucked those long massive curls under a hat and I actually looked like a guy. I don't know if that's something to be proud of, but hey! I got paid.

I sighed as I glanced in the mirror. It was early, before the sun was up, and I was getting ready to leave. My eyes stood out like crazy with the dark clothes I was wearing, and I often heard soft mummers about my eyes. The whores loved them, and the other body guards hated them, and made them skeptical about me. You see, I was a bodyguard to a fat ass big hot shot mafia leader.

Walking out into the living room, I found Mello standing there, looking thin and tired behind the couch. His eyes were so dark, that it scared me at how dark they were. In his hand, he was holding a cup of something to drink and he was only in those baggy black pants he wore to bed. He held up his finger to keep me from saying anything and pointed towards Matt who was curled up on the couch. We really had to work something out so he didn't have to sleep there any more.

I pointed towards the door and he followed me outside, standing on the steps to our apartment and staring out at the city still buzzing with life. It was dark out, since the winter mornings took forever to get through, but at least it hadn't snowed yet.

"You know, I think you look prettier when you wear girl clothes." He mumbled before sipping on the drink, I think it was coffee, which was strange, cause he hated the stuff, and he hated being up this early. What's the deal?

"Well I have to do this if you still want to eat." I snipped back, sounding as bitter as I felt. I hated my job, and I hated the fact that I had to do it, but it was the only way. Mello wasn't making money like he'd promised, he was only making trouble.

"I just want you to be careful. I've heard some stuff about that guy you work for. If he finds out you're a girl Joe, you'll be sold into prostitution like those other girls." His breath blew in my face and I smelled the chocolate on his breath. He was drinking hot cocoa, I even saw the little rivulets of steam rising up out of the cup.

"That wont happen, I plan on staying undercover until I can get out." He stepped a little closer to me, his smooth skin prickled with tiny goose bumps, he had to be freezing. I wanted him to go in and back to bed. Safe and warm.

"And how do you think your going to do that? Once your in, your stuck." I looked away from those bottomless eyes, that seemed darker than normal, almost dead.

"Well. . .I die." I heard him grit back a shocked noise, and when I turned back to him, he was staring out as a guy walked by, giving us a strange look. We were standing really close, or it could have been the fact that Mello wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Just. . .figure something else out." He grumbled as he sipped the cocoa more. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, told me to have a nice day, and then went inside. I still heard his teeth chatter, even though he was trying to hide it from me. I smiled as I walked down the streets towards the old wear house that the fat man stayed in. When I walked in, it didn't surprise me to see the usual amount of girls standing around, all giggling and whispering in their slutty tight clothes and short skirts.

Age twenty and I was forced to befriend a sick man.

Age twenty and I felt dirty to the bone.

And nothing could wash it away.

Not even the rain.


	4. Chapter 4 Kimblee's POV

Hell.

That's what I had been through after Matt left.

It just so happened that someone my Mother knew, saw me leaving his apartment that night and just thought they had the right to tell her. So she found out about it all and I was just happy that, that night was the last time I ever saw or heard from Matt. It was safer for him, there was no telling what Mother might have done to use it for her advantage and get more publicity. She wasn't light on her beating this time, the bruises were where everyone could see, on my arms and face. She was hoping to catch Matt and blame it on him.

It didn't matter how hard she searched she couldn't find him and I was so thankful for that. I prayed she never would, because the last thing I needed was for her to get a hold of him. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew he got hurt because of me. So I prayed that he was on the other side of the damn country. Far away from me and any harm that would follow me and get to him.

He didn't deserve it.

"KIMBLEE SAMANTHA BRICKER!" I ignored my mother's shrill scream and just punched the small buttons on the small DS even harder. I tried to tell myself that she wouldn't come in the room and that she would just allow me to hide in my room another night, since the bruises weren't fully healed. They could be hid by the makeup she'd force on me, but I was hoping she'd just let it slide.

There were small little beeps that came from the device and the sound of gunfire, but it wasn't loud enough to hide the sound of stilettos on tile floor. They were loud and determined. My body's senses went on high and I quickly flicked the DS off and ripped the goggles off my head throwing them under my pillow just in time before my mother entered the room.

I turned around so I was facing the door and smiled sweetly as if I was happy to see my mother. She was in a tight pink bathrobe, her hair in rollers and her face was beautiful of course, but contorted because of the anger. She was at least forty three, but she had so much plastic surgery that she looked like she was younger than me.

"Why are you lying in bed?" She snapped, her voice echoing off the walls. I shrugged my shoulders, forming a good answer in my head that would not piss her off too much.

"I didn't think I was required to attend tonight." It was the best I could come up with, but not the right answer, because she got angry. Really angry. She took a step forward into the room, slamming my bedroom door behind her. "I'm sorry Mother, if you want I will get ready as fast as I can." I stood up off my bed and moved to my closet, looking for something she would approve of to wear. Her footsteps got closer to the closet and then she was standing in the doorway, glaring holes into my face. I think she was hoping it would actually burn me.

"Why would you think you wouldn't be required to attend, _dear_?" She questioned, her tone dripping with malice. Her green eyes flashed with anger and she took the few small steps forward so that she was inches away from me. It was obvious to see that she was pissed, but I couldn't grasp my head around why. I tried to think of anything that I could of done wrong, but nothing was there. I hadn't asked to leave, I listened to her as she complained about something her friend did and, I stayed out of her way. So why was she so angry with this one little thing? I didn't think I had to go to the party, that usually didn't tick her off. She would usually do some yelling, name calling, and then I'd be on my way. This wasn't one of her usual nights.

"I'm sorry Mother. I don't know why I didn't think I'd have to attend. I wasn't thinking I guess." I said quietly, shuffling threw the rack looking for something comfortable to wear.

"You didn't think." She muttered darkly and I hated that I cringed at the sound of her voice. "Well, I best believe you better start thinking girl! I won't have myself look like a fool because of you. You hear me?" I nodded, biting my cheek to stop from snickering as her southern accent started to come out do to her anger. "You better look at me when I speak to you, you little bitch!"

"Yes mother." I turned my head and looked at her full on. Her green eyes were wide and on fire with anger. Anger I didn't know where it came from, but then again. I never really did with her. My face was impassive as I apologized again and promised to do better and not let it happen again. Then I stood there and listened to her go on and on about how I should listen and how much of a spoiled little brat I am.

But in the back of my mind, a voice I hadn't heard in a long, long time stood out, toning my mother's voice out. This one little flicker of his voice, made me think of him and one of my many days I spent with him. But one stood out of most of them all.

* * *

"Where'd you get the bruise?"

I looked over at Matt, following his eyes which were locked on the purple splotches on my arms. I cheesed him a grin and came up with the excuse that I told everyone. The one most people fell for.

"I fell. You know I'm clumsy." Matt pulled the cigarette from his mouth and threw it on the ground, stopping on it quickly. He then grabbed my arm, examining it closely at the bruises. "I've never seen you fall since I've known you and I've never known anyone to fall and get three bruises that look more like hits."

I giggled nervously and pulled my arm carefully from his hand. "I guess I'm just talented." I knew it was a lame excuse and I was shocked that when I said I fell it didn't work, and I was even more shocked when Matt went on about it.

"I'm not stupid Kimmy and it hurts me that you think so" He smirked sarcastically. "Now tell me. What happened." His eyes were on me as he dug in his pockets, searching for another cigarette. One never came. I stared back at him, debating whether or not I should tell him. I had never told anyone before, but no one ever asked. I looked away from him.

"Uh…I…" My thoughts were fumbling around in my head and I found I couldn't form a coherent sentence because I couldn't figure out what to say. I didn't know if I was going to tell him, because honestly, I didn't know him that well. And I sure as hell didn't know what he reaction was going to be.

"Just spit it out. It's not that hard to speak. I usually can't get you to shut up and now look at you. All you can do is talk babble. I should of asked sooner." He was now digging in his other pocket, desperate for a cigarette. I wonder why he needed one so bad.

And then finally the words just fell from my mouth.

"My mom."

Matt nodded and then finally pulled his hands out from his pockets empty handed. He looked down at his empty palms, which were hidden by the thick leather of the gloves he wore. "No mother should treat their child like that." He said it so quiet that I almost didn't hear him. I looked away from his face and down at his hands. Then he looked back up at me. "You should do something. Not all mothers are like that you know."

I continued to stare at his hands, wishing I could do what he was saying. But what could I do? My Mother was just as powerful as Hitler in my world! Nothing I could probably say or do she couldn't manipulate and make her look innocent.

"I can't and I know. But there isn't anything I can do Matt. I'm stuck with her." I sighed and pulled down my sleeves, covering the bruises that colored my pale skin. Matt scoffed and I looked up quickly and was shocked to see him glaring.

"Can't do anything or won't because your scared?"

"I can't. You…you don't know what she's like. She's…crazy. Psycho even!" I defended myself. He didn't know her so how would he know anything if I could get out of there or not.

"You keep telling yourself that Kimblee. I'm sure you'll have a good life hiding those bruises." Matt muttered sarcastically and once again his hands were in his pockets, searching for something, anything.

"What is with you? How the hell do you know anything about my life?" My anger was starting to rise. He was being an asshole and he had no right. I had never done anything to him. I shouldn't of said anything. "How do you know what it's like to have a parent who hates you and thinks you were a curse given to her."

"Because maybe, you aren't the only one that's had to deal with shit like that!" Matt's eyes were a blazing fire from behind the foggy of his yellow goggles. He stared at me long and hard and I was stuck in stunned silence. "It's not always about you Kimblee. Yea, you may have an abusive mother, but a bunch of kids throughout the world do. Not just you. And some people, don't just have an abusive mother, but a fucked up drunk asshole for a father."

"Matt, I didn't know…I-" "That's right. You didn't know and you weren't supposed to." He took a deep breath, his eyes slipping closed. "Look, all I'm trying to say is. I did something. You can too. I got to go, I'm going to do something stupid if I don't get a cigarette." Matt's eyes opened and he looked down at his hands once again before shoving them deep in their pockets.

He was quiet for a minute as he stared at me.

"You can do something if you want to. I did and I'm alive and bruise free. You can do the same Kimblee, if you're willing to leave the comfort of your home." He took a deep shuttering breath and then he brought his hand out in front of him, wringing them together. "I got to go. I'll talk to you later."

And then he was gone.

And even after he said that, where was I?

At home.

Hiding those bruises.

* * *

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?" My mother's shrill scream brought me out of my thoughts and back to reality. I stared at her and nodded slowly. Her eyes narrowed and she towered over me, her face getting closer to mine.

"Mother…"She stopped, one of her perfectly tweezed eyebrow raising delicately up in the air. "Can you please, just shut up for five seconds!" I smiled after I said those words and stepped away from her. Her green eyes widened in shock and then her flawless pale skin started to redden in anger. Her hands curled into fists at her side and she started to visibly shake.

"You….you….you little bitch!" She screamed outraged and then took a step forward her hand lifted in the air, ready to strike. She went to bring it down quickly on the side of my face. Then I did something I had never done before. Something I had never even thought of doing before. I raised my hand and grabbed her wrist before it was even close to the side of my face.

"Will you stop that!" I snapped, tightening my grip on her wrist. She looked at me in shock and then she was angry again, lifting her other hand trying to slap me away. Before she had the chance I lifted my leg up, giving her a quick kick in the stomach, knocking her to the floor. She stared up at me from the ground, some of the rollers in her hair were getting looser and starting to fall out. "I'm done! With you and your perfect little life and most of all. I'm done being your damn slave."

She didn't say anything and I couldn't help but to smile more. It felt great to finally say all of what I had always thought in the back of my head. Matt was right, I could do something. I glanced back down at the woman who had caused my life to literally be a living hell. "Goodbye Mother. You better get ready, your guests will probably be here anytime soon." I smiled before stepping over her and leaving the closet. I quickly raced to my bed and threw my pillow off the bed and grabbed the pair of yellow goggles, holding them close to me.

"Kimblee! You can't….you can't go! I forbid you to!" I turned around with an eyebrow raised. My Mother was standing in the doorway of the closet, her hand was outstretched, shaking in front of her. She was pointing at me and I laughed, shoving the goggles into the back pocket of my jeans.

"And you're going to stop me?"

"I'm your mother! You have to listen to me!" Her voice shook, but I could tell it wasn't out of anger. She was freaking out, because for once in her life, she wasn't in charge of me. I was taking a hold of my own life and I'm guessing she didn't know how to handle that.

"I don't have to do anything." I grabbed the small PSP from under my pillow and walked away from her, leaving everything that could connect me to my old life. None of it mattered anymore. I was going to start over and be the person I knew I could be. My mother's voice could still be heard calling my name as I left the front door.

It felt good to be free.

And I think I was in the mood for some city life.

* * *

It was another man who changed my life and again, I didn't meet him in the normal way. It was actually my reaction from bumping into someone else, that caused him to want to talk to me. I guess I should just explain it from the top, maybe it would make more sense that way.

I was walking through the busy streets of New York, minding my own business, just walking. I had lived here for about a year now in the city, away from my parents and I had a nice paying job. Well, a job that paid for the rent of my apartment, food to feed me, and any other little necessities that an average person would need to live a life alone. It was my day off so I decided to take a stroll around New York and just have an nice interesting day.

Nice it wasn't, but interesting it was.

I had stopped at a cross walk, waiting for the little sign to say that it was safe to cross the street. It was abnormal for there to be a lot of people standing at one of these things but, I wasn't so sure if it was normal for people to attempt to pickpocket people at one of these cross walks. Well if it is, I must have the worst of luck, because someone tried it on me.

It was a girl and she was standing right next to me and she looked pretty normal. She was in a pair of jeans and a simple t-shirt. She had dark curly black hair that was gorgeous. I wished my hair was like hers, but it was flat and a simple blond color. I didn't pay no mind to her at first, she was just another person, just another face.

But then she did something odd. She slowly reached over, her hand reaching for my bag. I ignored it, but continued to stare ahead, thinking she wasn't going to do what I thought she was and then the light changed and her hand retreated. I started to walk away and she followed, staying a good bit away, but still close enough to be strange. Then it was as if she thought I didn't notice, she started to get closer, until she was right behind me.

And again, her hand reached over towards my bag, but before she had a chance to grab anything, I caught her wrist in my hand, stopping it before she had the chance. I stopped and turned around glancing at the girl. Her eyes were wide and a bright strange blue, but they were pretty. They were different and it made me question if they were real or one of those stupid contact things. She looked down at my hand on her wrist and then back at me.

I raised a brow at her and she pulled her hand out of my wrist and I dropped it, letting her go. She stared at me for another minute longer, opening her mouth to say something, but a harsh scream stopped her from saying anything.

"SHIT JOE! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THERE!" The girl, who's name I was guessing Joe, glanced over my shoulder and nodded, before quickly brushing past me and taking off down the sidewalk, pushing people out of her way. I stood there for a minute and watched. She stopped running when she reached the boy I'm guessing who screamed at her. They both glanced back at me and I could of sworn the dude cursed. He was tall and had short blond hair, that brushed the tips of his shoulder. He glared bitterly at me before grabbing the girl roughly by her arm and started to pull her down the walk.

I couldn't help but laugh at all that happened when the realization set in that someone had tried to pick pocket me. I couldn't figure out why I found if funny, but it just was to me and that is when he showed up. The second man to change my life and I still haven't decided if this one was for good or for worse. It just changed drastically.

When I turned back around, there he was. He was tall and it was easy to see he was a lot older than I was. He had dark brown eyes, that were dark and thoughtful and to add to the smart look, he was wearing a pair of small wired rim glasses. He was prestigiously dressed, in a fine suit. His hair was well cut and at first glance he looked like some corporate manger or something. He looked important. So I couldn't understand why he was standing in front of me, smiling softly.

"Can I help you?" I questioned, holding my bag tighter to me. I didn't like the way this guy was looking at me.

"No." He replied, his voice was calm, but full of confidence. I nodded my head and looked around, wondering why he was still standing there. When he didn't decide to move, I did. I walked around the man, continuing on my way down the road. Then his voice stopped me.

"But you can help me." I turned around and glanced at him and he was smiling. He took a few steps toward me, weaving threw the people that stopped for no one to get where they were going. He pulled something out of his pocket and extended his hand to me. I looked down at it and the small white card he was handing towards me. Glancing back up at him, I grabbed it. It had some company name on it, with his name and an address in shiny sliver writing.

"What's this?" I muttered, glancing back up at him. He adjusted his glasses on his face and smiled kindly.

"It's a special agency set up by the government, but it's not well known. It's a secret to the society. I can't really speak freely about it here, but if you come by my office some time tomorrow, I'll explain everything. I saw how you dealt with that girl who tried to steal from you, most people would of screamed or not even noticed what she was doing. But you didn't. You stopped her and then just let her go. I don't know why, but it was different and I like different. I might be able to make something useful out of you." My brows furrowed together in confusion as I looked back down at the small white card, the address etching itself in my brain.

Questions were ready to flow freely from my mouth at the man standing in front of me, but when I looked back up, he was gone. I looked all around the crowd, but he was no where to be found. I'll skip all the long details about me debating on whether or not to go and all the thinking that it was probably a scam.

But I ended up going.

And what the man said ended up being true to his word. His little special agency that he ran, was in less words a group of assassins that the government hired to take out drug and crime lords, gang leaders, what ever you can think of that could be a menace on society. It was their job to take them out and the man, who's name was Mr. Robert Lynch, thought I'd fit in perfectly with these group of people.

Again I'll skip the mind debating again.

I joined.

And that's when my life started to take a surprising turn.

Starting with a job that I thought was going to be simple, but turned into something a little different.


	5. Chapter 5 Joe's POV

Get it off!

Get it off me! I had to get it off me. She touched me, her hands burning my skin, that stupid prostitute had to go and touch me. I had been standing there, trying hard to not listen to what she'd been saying about me, and she walked over, licking her fingers and running them over the bare areas of my arms! I wanted to scream, I wanted to rip her hands away, shoot her, something! She touched me! It's bad enough I felt dirty to the bone for my job, but she didn't have to go and touch me!

The second I was let off duty, I raced out the doors, the other men laughing and making small comments that I was a shy kid. I wasn't shy, I didn't like dirty whores touching me. When I reached home, no one was around and I didn't bothering calling out. I raced right towards the sink, grabbing the bar of soap and the sponge, and I started to scrub my arms. My eyes clouded over with heavy tears and I felt myself quaking with the force of every sob. I felt the burn in my arms, but I only scrubbed harder. It felt like layers and layers of thick, oozing dirt had piled up on my arms, and I wanted it all gone. I screamed in frustration when I saw soft pink and red splotches through the misty haze of my tears.

I just wanted it off, I didn't want to do this anymore! I didn't want to stand there, while this sick women threw themselves over all the men and me. I was a girl! A young girl! Probably the same age as a few of the women I'd seen showing off their parts to those sick gawking men. My scrubbing slowed as I let the sponge drop from my hand, sobbing loudly, letting the hot water fall on my bleeding arms, steam rising, cooking my skin. I didn't care, I wanted the feeling of being completely dirty to just go away! My kneels gave way and suddenly feet were stomping towards me as I hit the ground, my arms resting on the tops of my legs, my hands shaking as blood slowly oozed free from the spots where I'd scraped off long layers of skin. Someone flicked off the water, cussing when the handle bit their skin from being so hot.

Matt kneeled down in front of me, those eyes smoked over with a yellow tent thanks to those silly goggles he's always wearing. They shifted down toward my shaking arms, the blood burning the large scrapes. He sighed, softly letting a gloved hand fall over one of them. I hissed and ripped my arms back, slamming them against my chest before thinking, and screaming out in agony. He rolled his eyes at me and I rubbed my tears away with the back of my hand, ignoring the throb that rose up in my arms.

"What the hell did you do this for Joe?" He demanded, reaching out and grabbing my arm, pulling me to my feet to help clean up the bleeding areas. "What the hell could of happened to make you scrub your arms until they bleed, just look at them! They're never going to heal right!"

A flash of annoyance flickered over his face, almost like he'd done this once before, for someone else, and was just repeating the actions all over again on me. I stared at him as he softly pressed a wet towel against the burning scrapes. I wanted to just jerk my arm back and do it myself, I didn't need someone who didn't understand a thing about me, cleaning my mistakes up. I could do it myself, but there was something in the way his thumb pressed softly into my wrist. The way those mysterious eyes trailed over the damage, making a clicking noise in disapproval. He'd cleaned wounds like this before, I could tell by the way he kept checking to make sure it didn't hurt, not that I would tell him.

"Why are you doing this for me?" I asked between pursed lips. He didn't bother to look back, he just continued to clean up, moving my arm this way and that to get all the big blotches. When he started to wrap up my arms with some bandages he'd found in the bathroom, he finally decided to answer me.

"Because I have too." My eyebrows involuntarily shot up and he just kept his head ducked over my arm, the burning sensation flaring up in it.

"You don't have to do anything! You haven't since you've gotten here! So don't bother helping me now!" I jerked my arm away and had to bite my lip at the sudden jolt of pain. I took the lose bandage and re-wound it around my throbbing arm, my other one causing me great discomfort.

"I know that, and I feel really bad. I was talking to Mello the other day, about your work and stuff, he said you had to imitate a boy just to work. Why would you do that?" I continued to wrap my arm up as he dug in his deep pocket for his cigarettes and lighter. He knew how much I hated smoking in my house, I'd taken plenty of them from him and smudged them out with the heel of my shoe. I really didn't feel like doing it now, so this is his only chance to get away with it. He better suck slowly and enjoy every deadly puff.

"Because it's the only way for me to get money. If you haven't noticed Matt, I'm not as smart as Mello, and I'm not good at much, guns are the only thing I get. And if I have to pretend to be a boy to get the job of an assassin, then I don't mind. As long as I can take care of you and Mello, then I'll be fine." He took a heavy drag on the end of his death stick, his hand shaking like this conversation really bothered him. If he didn't want to talk personal, then he should of just stayed in his room. I would of pulled myself together and I would of cleaned up this mess and he would of never had to know a thing.

"So that's why your doing this? Because your fine? Doesn't look fine to me." He let the drag out in a long billowing cloud, and I glared at him, my skin burning when I tugged the bandage too tight. My own sick form of punishment I guess.

"No. If you want to know what happened, a prostitute touched me, she thought I was a man, and tried to hit on me, and I freaked out. I. . .I don't really do this. I guess. . .I guess I made another mistake." Matt's head slowly turned towards me, and he cleared his throat, taking off his black gloves slowly and putting his cigarette out on his soft pinkened skin. I stared at his arms, covered in scars, bruises, blemishes, scrapes, and burns. There wasn't hardly any skin that wasn't covered in some kind of self mutilated wound, and I couldn't stop my mouth from falling open.

"Another mistake, I know plenty of those." His gruff voice didn't sound so cocky and arrogant like it usually does, it sounded small, soft and so vulnerable. I tugged on the other arm, making it tight, and reached out, softly touching the raised bumpy skin. He would have had beautiful, perfect skin if he hadn't done all of this. Kind of like Mello's skin is now.

"I didn't know. . .I'm sorry Matt. If I'd known, I wouldn't of snapped at you. You weren't supposed to see me like that anyway." His eyes cut over to me and he moved his arm away, pulling the gloves back over all that mutilated skin.

"Yeah, well you weren't supposed to see either, so we're even. You know Joe, you can't always be the strongest person in this house. Even mountains get tired and break." He stood up straight, brushing off his pants like dirt was on them, and walked off towards Mello's room, probably to play on that computer in there again. I sat still at the table and then realized he'd tell Mello when Mello got home. I couldn't have Mello knowing about this! I jumped up, racing into the room and scaring the life out of Matt.

"Please don't tell Mello! He'll kill me if he finds out!" Matt smirked at me, those goggles pushed up on the top of his head to revel two pretty shimmering blue eyes. They weren't my color blue, but the normal blue, the kind of blue I wish I could have.

"Don't worry short stuff. He wont ever know unless you tell him." I smiled and the held up tension drained right out of me. Matt smiled back, turning to his computer.

Age twenty-one and I'd found a friend in Matt.

Age twenty-one and he'd become a brother figure to me.

And to think, for once in a long time, it wasn't even raining.

*~*~*~*

A normal day, it was just what I needed. I tugged on my tight jeans, nothing compared to the loose boy jeans I'd grown used too, and threw on a simple tee-shirt. I looked down at my pale arms, the giant pink splotches covering them looking horrible and making me even more un-attractive. I remember when Mello saw my wrapped up arms, he'd grabbed me up and shook me hard, demanding to know what happened. I lied, saying I spilt hot grease on my arms while cooking. Thank god he'd bought it.

I walked out of my room, now mine and Mello's, since we made a deal and gave Mello's to Matt. It was a really hard decision, cause we weren't sure how well we could handle ourselves in the same room without killing each other, been its been almost a year, and so far, we're still alive. We'd have our little bouts here and there, and I actually started a fist fight once, but we were mostly good with each other. I saw Mello standing in the kitchen, a plate of leftovers in front of him, his leather jacket already hugging his broad shoulders. He was stuffing as much food in his face as he possibly could, it was almost silly how desperate he was acting. I knew I always made sure he was fed, fat and happy.

"Good morning handsome! Where are you going too?" He looked up, his fork in his mouth, his pretty chocolate eyes wide like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't. He looked like a kid, for the first time in years. He pulled the fork out, smiling as he finished chewing the hunk of food, and swallowed hard.

"I was hoping you'd get up soon! I'm taking you out today!" My eyebrows lifted up in surprise. Out? We never went out anywhere.

"Where too?" I walked in the kitchen, opening a drawer, and pulling out a fork, I dipped it in his plate of food, popping a carrot in my mouth.

"To the movies. I just wanted to treat you to something nice, you know, for all the help you've been." I eyed him suspiciously as I stole a piece of meat. "You've done so much for us Josie. And I just wanted to let you know you're really appreciated."

"How sweet!" I smiled and he smiled back. "Let me grab my coat and we can leave!" I tossed my fork in the sink to clean later as Mello gather up his plate, dumping the rest in the trash and throwing his dishes in with my lonely fork.

"Matt's not coming, he had a rough night, so he just said to go ahead." I handed Mello my coat to carry and walked out the door, him following close behind. "But there's something I need you to do for me."

I stopped in the middle of the street, the happy mood suddenly clouded and ruined. For the past few days, everything always came with something. Mello had been so shady, and had me doing things I really didn't want to do.

"What is it this time?" I asked, my eyes narrowing and my arms lifting to rest on my hips.

"Just. . .can you pick pocket well?"

Oh no.

Not this!

*~*~*~*

We decided on a soft faced, blonde girl who had the eyes of green diamonds. I had saw her walking towards the cross walk, and Mello said she was perfect. She had on stylish clothes, and had a pretty purse, and walked like no one was going to touch her. She would never suspect me to reach over and snatch that pretty bag of hers. Mello said it would be better if I targeted a girl since we basically trust each other with all the vulnerability crap that pissed me off when he started talking about it. Basically, she'd never think another girl would do something like this to her.

I stood still as I waited for the crosswalk to change to the little blinking green man, and she walked right up next to me, just what I was hoping for. She looked me up and down, something I had grown used too. I wasn't self conscious about anything, I knew I was a girl, and I had a girl shape, and I knew I had weird eyes, and huge misshapen scars on my arms. That was who I was, I wasn't scared of it. And I didn't care what people thought, not even if they were pretty girls like her. But was she looking at me cause she knew I was about to take something of value from her. Did she sense that I was about to run off with her purse, digging through her stuff once I got a safe distance away, throwing it in the dumpster, and walking away with everything I wanted from it? Did she know that?

I glanced over when she wasn't paying attention, my hand inching towards her open bag. Maybe I could just slip my hand in and grab her wallet without her knowing it. If I was just careful, and didn't bumping into her, I could. . .nope. She started to walk right as I got close. I had to be careful about this. Mello was watching and I knew if I screwed up, he'd ditch my sorry ass. I'd pick pocketed before. I used to do it all the time to my brother, when I wanted some candy and he wouldn't give me any. And I'd done it a few times to Mello too. But I never took anything of value. Nothing compared to this. Unless you count the cigs I snagged from Matt so he'd stop smoking in the house. That was it.

I stepped up next to her, my hand ready to swoop in right as she jerked around, grabbing my wrist. My eyes widened as I stared up into her questioning green ones. Did she know how pretty she was? How perfect her face was? I glanced down at my wrist, her hand right over one of the biggest scars. Could she feel the rough raised skin under her perfectly smooth hand? Did it gross her out how ugly my arms were?

"WHAT THE HELL JOE?! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THERE!" I glanced over her shoulder at an anxious Mello before I nodded and yanked my hand from hers. There was nothing I could say to her, nothing that would make since. I couldn't stand there and apologize from trying to take her money to buy me a stupid ticket to the movies. I couldn't explain that I'd picked her for the soul fact that she was pretty and looked like she couldn't fight! She obviously had some skills, since she caught me! No one had caught me before!

I ran up to Mello, his hard dark eyes glaring at me as he grabbed my arm, shaking me hard. She was standing still, on the other side with us, watching with a soft knowing smile on her face. I watched her for a second, ignoring the mean threats and yells for Mello. He was just angry and would get over it soon. But what I wanted to know was why she was smiling, like she knew what was going on, and wasn't mad at all that we chose her to pick pocket on. I wanted to ask her, and I wanted to know why she laughed as Mello tugged me along, slamming me hard into a potbellied man in a suit so I could snag his wallet while I apologized for bumping him. By the time I'd slipped out a couple twenties, he'd just noticed I'd robbed him as we were throwing the wallet in a trash can, rushing towards the nearest store to hide in.

I wanted to find that girl though.

And I wanted to ask her why she thought me and Mello were funny.

When clearly we weren't.

And to think, the rain didn't even bother starting until after we got into the movies.

With our stolen money.

*~*~*~*~*

"Happy Birthday Josie." Mello whispered when I rolled over on my side. His honey eyes smiled at me, but his lips didn't budge. I wasn't surprised, my birthday wasn't one of my favorite days of the year at all. Not since the last time I saw my Brother. It had been a couple birthday's since I saw him, a couple birthday's too long. "Do you want your cake now, or later?"

"I don't want it at all." He sighed, wrapping a strong thick arm around my waist and tugging me into his bare chest. Since we started to share the same room, I had grown used to him without a tee-shirt, I'd memorized his soft pale skin, I'd traced patterns over that chest a hundred times, and I could remember every name I'd scribbled across his back with my fingernail. I'd grown used to ever shiver that racked his slight body when nightmares would plague his dreams. But I still hadn't grown used to the fact that he was in my bed, next to me, every night, so close that all I had to do was reach over and touch him. He should be with some other girl, a pretty girl, one that would give him everything he wanted and needed. Not wasting his time in this room with me.

"What are you thinking about?" He whispered into my hair and I had to blink hard to fight off the mist that was clouding my thoughts and vision.

"Losing you." I whispered against his shoulder as he hugged me tighter. He'd grown attached to waking me up every morning and just holding me, asking me about how I felt, what was on my mind. I even found him sitting up on the edge of the bed some mornings, his head between his hands, trying hard to wake up, just to see me off to work. It was so sweet, and I didn't feel as lonely as I used to. I often had to remind myself that Mello was still mine, but one day he wouldn't be, and I'd have to learn to live without him being around. But for the time being, I would enjoy every second of his time wasted on me. I'd learn to enjoy being with him, even if we weren't actually together.

"I think your being a little bit silly Josie. Your not going to lose me, I promise that!" I smiled and snuggled my face into the shallow of his neck. He smelled just like chocolate and soap, so I knew he'd already taken his morning shower. When I glanced down, I saw his regular leather pants on, and knew he let me sleep in since it was my 'special' day.

"You never know, a pretty girl could just come in and swoop you off your feet. And then you'll want to be with her and forget all about me." I was being selfish, but this was my birthday, I was allowed to be selfish. And I knew that a lot of girls would love a guy like Mello, I really didn't want to lose the only person I had left.

"I'll never forget you Josie. That's impossible." I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him back just as tight. I pressed my ear against his chest, hearing that strange heart sputter again. He might want to get that checked out.

"Do you promise?" I whispered, almost so low that I didn't think he'd hear.

"I promise."

Age Twenty-two I spent my birthday alone again.

Age Twenty-two and nothing had changed.

Not even the rain.


	6. Chapter 6 Kimblee's POV

The job started off as simple. I had to stay behind a desk and fill out paperwork on targets that other people would have to go and take out, it was my job to make sure the paperwork was thorough. On the days I wasn't doing desk work, I was going through training. Training to become an assassin and hopefully becoming one on day if they thought I was good enough. It was just like being promoted. You're good enough you get promoted in a business and you're more important.

But I highly doubt, most businesses were assassination companies set up by the government, where once you at the top, you're a paid killing machine. That might just be a slight difference.

I still don't know why Mr. Lynch signaled me out on that street that day. Or what he saw in me. But I was thankful he did. I found like I was doing something with my life and hopefully it was something good.

Time will only tell.

* * *

The training sessions I attended were actually sort of fun in my eyes. They trained us how to use a variety of weapons. I learned how to fire a gun and hit any target. I learned how to fight with my bare hands

And then there was my favorite.

A set of sharp blades.

They were easy to conceal and the were easy to use when one needed stealth. Most of the other people in my training sessions preferred guns, which I thought would be mine too. It seems like the most obvious weapon. The one everyone would look to. But I learned quick when I went up in battle with someone who used a gun a blade was just as deadly, if not more if the right person wielded them. I was good with speed and stealth. Finding it easy to come in their view point and then disappearing right when they started to shoot, dodging their shots. I was able to block they're bullets with my blades, something I didn't even know was possible.

I was becoming the perfect assassin. Or that's what I was told. I didn't see it possible. I never thought once in my life I would be able to kill someone, but the first time I did. It was one of the most easiest things I could do. I didn't know if that scared me the most or if it was how good I was at it

* * *

I didn't know I was going to go out on a mission that night. I was just having a late night in the office, getting all my paperwork done so I wouldn't have to worry about it in the morning. I had thought I was the only one left in the office, because the janitor had turned all the lights off and the room was dark, besides the soft glow from my computer screen and the small desk light. I had thought I was alone, then Mr. Lynch came bounding along, dressed and ready.

"Go down to the training room and get a weapon of your choice and change into something to move in. You are going out on your first job tonight. I will be going along with you, grading you on everything you've learned. Meet me out front in ten minutes." I stared at him for a prolonged minute before nodding my head, registering what he was saying and then standing up with a quick yes sir and quickly running to go get what would be necessary for what I was about to do.

After I had everything that I needed, which was really just a sharp set of blades. I slipped them in a two holsters I had hidden beneath the layer of dark clothing I had slipped on. On my way down the stairs to the front, I threw my hair up in quick ponytail pulling it out of my face. I had been warned that a night like this was probably on the way, but I wasn't expecting it so soon. I had only been in training for maybe more than a month or two. I doubted that was enough time to be taken on an actual job.

Mr. Lynch was waiting in a car outside and I quickly jumped into the passenger seat, slamming the door behind me. He didn't waste anytime to speed towards wherever his destination was. He raised one hand off of the steering wheel and pointed the gloved hand at the glove box.

"Files in there. You have a few minutes to read up on it, before we get there. I suggest you start reading." I didn't waste anytime to get the file and start reading threw the information. I read threw the stuff quickly, knowing exactly what to look at since I had created most of these files about the criminals.

This was a simple drug dealer and pimp. He had committed two murders when he got a little to violent with one of his prostitutes, but got a way with both of them. I guess it's easy when you have other hoes willing to support your messed up alibi it would be easy to get away with anything. His name was George Barker, 34 years old, dropped out of high school, never got his GED, had three DUIs, charged with possession with marijuana a few years ago, a rape charge, and then the murder charges. He had a hefty record. The guy was one messed up asshole.

I sighed and closed the file, letting it rest on my lap. "So boss, what's the plan?"

Mr. Lynch glanced at me and then turned quickly back to the rode. He seemed completely at ease and did not look like at all that he was driving to an assholes house, but as if he was just driving to a movie or something. He smiled softly and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know Ms. Bricker. You tell me. You're in charge. This is your kill. I'm just observing." He glanced at me again and smiled, probably at my shocked face. "Oh come on Ms. Bricker. You can handle this! It's a simple one and you're lucky you got a simple one for your first time."

I took a deep breath and nodded my head. I wasn't scared or nervous of the guy, it was just the thought of killing someone that bothered me. I didn't know if I could do it. Taking someone's life, just seemed so…wrong. I knew this guy deserved it, but I didn't know if I could be the one to take it from him. Who said I was the one to judge and decided if this man should live or not.

"I don't know if I can do it, Sir." I whispered and I was hoping that I had said it too low for him to hear, but of course he did.

Mr. Lynch came to a stop at a red light and he looked over at me, his face serious and concerned. "I know what you're thinking right now Ms. Bricker. Those thoughts that have went through your head have gone threw everyone of us. It's not easy thinking you can take the life of someone, but we all get threw it. It's something you'll get used to and it'll get easier every time." He paused for a moment, staring intently at my face, reading my expression before he spoke again. "If you don't think you can do it, then get out of the car right now and walk away and never think of this organization again. Don't mention it to anyone, just forget it exists. But if you think you can, then tell me right now and we'll continue on our way."

I thought it over for a good few minutes and the light had long already turned green, but Mr. Lynch didn't move. I was going to get out of the car and just end it right there, but my body wouldn't move. A part of me was screaming that I could do this and it was the right thing to do. Something I had to do. I took a deep breath before responding.

"I'm in."

Mr. Lynch smiled and nodded his head. "Excellent." He faced the road once more and hit the gas, taking off from the light and continuing on our way to our destination. My heart started to quicken with each minute as we started to draw closer. So many thoughts were racing threw my head. I kept glancing in the file, looking at his record to help me know that this man deserved to die. He deserved what he had coming for him. Right? No! Stop thinking like that!

The car came to a small crawl, before coming to a complete stop in front of an apartment complex. My heart leaped into my throat as I glanced up at the many lines of windows, knowing that the man I was supposed to kill was waiting unknowingly behind one of them. I glanced over at Mr. Lynch and he turned the car off and looked at me with an easy smile.

"Well? Where do we start?" I took a deep breath before glancing back up at the many windows. The file said that he had his own apartment here and it was on the second floor. Not to hard to get to. No one lived with him permanently , just his random girls that he would tell to stay home with him for only god knows what and he is always home around this time.. The easiest way to probably execute this mission and not be seen at all would be to go through the alley and take a fire escape and see if the hall window is open.

"Anytime now Ms. Bricker. We do not have all night and if we don't start soon, this will look awfully suspicious to have a car just sitting here and doing anything. Time is important in this game." Mr. Lynch said smartly and I had to take another deep breath from getting to work up about it. A game? Is that all this really was? If I messed up, would it just be a life gone and then I could try again?

"I'm going to see if I can get a clear view of something through the fire escape, because I don't want to be seen going in or coming out from the cameras they probably have set up by the front doors." I said carefully, worried that he was going to attack me and say that I was doing it all wrong and that I wasn't cut out for this job.

But he smiled and nodded his head. "Very good. Proceed."

I returned the smile and quickly went through the rest of my plan, not leaving out any signal detail. The way I would kill him, my escape route, everything that could cross his mind, I was hoping I had already figured out and had a reasoning to it that made sense. After I had explained it all, I took a deep breath and stared at Mr. Lynch, waiting for him to say something.

He was quiet for a minute and it had me worried that maybe I had done something wrong and he was going to call me out on everything. My breathing quickened and I waited patiently for his response.

"Do you remember what I told you about time is precious, Miss. Bricker?" I nodded my head and he smiled. "Then why have you not left the car?" My cheeks flushed and I apologized quickly before throwing open the door and stepping out, the black car took off before I had the chance to close the door shut. I stood there, staring at the building in front me, feeling confused and lost. I thought Mr. Lynch was going in the building with me and was going to be there with me every step of the way? Or maybe this was a test and he was waiting to see what my reaction would be? Was I supposed to stand here and wait or just go ahead and do it on my own? I glanced around me one more time, before looking at the building. He had told me the same thing twice. Time was precious and if I was to stand here waiting, I'd be wasting precious time.

With a deep breath, I turned away from the building to the small narrow alley. The ladder to the fire escape was down, which seemed a little too easy. I glanced around, noticing no one and walked over to the ladder. I dug a pair of gloves out of my coat pocket and quickly slipped them on before climbing my way up. I moved as quietly as I could against the metal of the fire escape, hoping that no one could hear me clambering up. Once I reached the top, I made sure to stay out of the line of sight of the window. There was no movement on the other side of the window, but then again it was hard to see. The hallways were lightly lit, and everything on the other side was dark, the wallpaper, the rug, and the wood of doorframes. It was a very dark place.

After I stood there for a good few minutes, listening, and glancing in the window every now and then, and once I was absolutely sure there was no one in that hallway, I tried to open the window. It opened with surprising ease and that just made me pause for a minute. Everything seemed to be going perfect according to my plan. The ladder in the alleyway was down and now the window opened just as I needed it too?

I don't think that was normal.

For anyone. First job or not. I doubt it goes this easy.

I stepped away from the window, placing my back against the brick wall. A million things were going through my head at the moment. I was thinking of all the possibilities that could go wrong with me just going in this window. I took a deep breath and glanced at the small watch on my wrist. Time was running out and I think it was time to just run on instincts.

I climbed through the window quietly, placing my feet on the ground carefully, not wanting to step on any squeaky floorboards. There was no sound coming from any of the doors on the hallway, except the one at the end. Which just so happened to be the room number I had to go in. That means there was the possibility of more than one person being in that room with my target.

This was about to get a bit more difficult.

I waited before the door for a minute, my mind racing with thoughts as I tried to figure out what I had to do. I couldn't remember if I was to walk away and come back another time since they're were people in the way. Or do I go ahead with the mission and kill them too. I would of probably stood there longer if it wasn't for the sound of the elevator doors opening and I had to react fast, so I took off down the hallway and quickly jumped out the window. Just as I threw my back against the brick wall, footsteps pounded heavily down the hallway and as I peered in, they were all headed to the apartment I was trying to get too.

Damn asshole was throwing a party!

I was going to have to wait it out till everyone left or at least till they were passed out. I was hoping it wasn't going to be too long, because I didn't know where Mr. Lynch was or what he was doing, but the last thing I needed was him to come looking for me.

And I thought this was going easy at first.

* * *

It was 3:30 in the morning when the door to that apartment opened and someone stumbled out. It was too dark to see who they were, but it was an obvious male and he was clearly drunk from the way he was walking. I watched from the window as he stumbled his way down the hallway, laughing whenever he would hit the wall loudly. I don't think he really cared if other people were sleeping or trying to. I noticed he left the door open and easy entrance for me.

He continued to stumble his way down the hallway and around the corner, till I wasn't able to see him anymore. I waited patiently outside the window, just in case anyone else decided to come out or if the drunk decided to come back. After I was positive and certain that it was safe, I repeated what I had tone hours before. I crept carefully through the window, and silently made my way down the hallway.

The door was wide open and the lights were off inside. A bonus to me. It would make it easier to move through the apartment and to blend with my black attire. The music was still throbbing loudly inside and I couldn't help but smile as I made it through the door swiftly. Nothing was in my way or was going to stop me.

There were a few bodies littered on the floor passed out from either liquor or drugs, I don't think it was possible to tell the difference. I made my way threw the dingy living room, checking the faces of most of the bodies on the floor, looking for the face of George Barker.

There was no sign of him in the living room, so I made my way to one of the doors on the side. The door was locked, so I pressed my ear against the door and heard no noise on the other side, or at least I think I didn't, it was kind of hard to hear from the loud music. I decided to try to speed up the process and skip that door, going to the next one and hoping that it was open, but just as I was about to pull away from it, someone shouted at me.

"HEY! Who the hell are you?" The words sounded slurred, but it was still enough to cause me to freeze, my breathing got caught in my throat and I could of sworn my heart stopped beating. I hadn't even been in this apartment five minutes and I already screwed up. "I'm talking to you, damnit! Don't you ignore me!"

I still couldn't move and my thoughts were jumbled in my head as to what I was going to do. Slowly I turned around, eyes fixed straight on the person standing a few feet away from me. It was definitely a man and the way the body was swaying from side to side made me think it was drunk.

"You think you cute, ya little bitch." He growled and staggered forward and the moonlight hit his face at the right moment, allowing me to see his face, and at that moment, I recognized him instantly. George Barker my target was right in front of me, stumbling towards me, angry. And that was when my instincts took over. I side stepped out of his way quickly, confusing him for a moment and that moment was enough time for me to pull out my blade and run up behind him. I covered his mouth with my gloved hand and didn't think as I quickly slid the blade across his throat.

There wasn't any quick struggle and as soon as the blade was free from his throat, I pulled my hand away from his mouth and stepped away as his body fell to the ground, with a loud thump. Without worrying about waking anyone else up, I ran from the room and back into the hallway and quickly through the window. I didn't stop till I was at least three blocks away.

And that was when it finally hit me.

I killed someone.

What did that make me?

* * *

They say that each kill gets easier, it just takes time getting used to it. Getting used to killing someone. I didn't know that was possible, but it was true and I couldn't tell what bothered me more. The fact that I accepted that statement or the fact that it was true to me too.

It'd been about a year since my first kill and I've never had once mess up. Forty-five jobs and they all went according to my plan, flawlessly.

But there is always a time for a mess up and this one just happened to be the one that would change my life and bring back old ghosts.

Ghosts I thought I'd never see again.


	7. Chapter 7 Joe's POV

"Its not so bad." I whispered, trying to make everything seem a little better than it was. But I don't think anything in the world could make what I'd just done right. Mello sat on the edge of the bed, his feet pressing hard into the hardwood floor. His elbows were digging into his knee caps as he rested his face in both his hands, slowly rubbing circles into his temples.

"It's my job, so I kind of have to do this, I wish I could back out, I'd give anything if I could." I bit my lip as Mello sighed, sounding aggravated and really upset. I wanted to walk over there, to rub circles over his exposed back. I wanted to comfort him as much as I wanted to be comforted. But I couldn't bring myself to move, my body was bolted to the ground, and there was no way I was moving. I said the worst thing in the world a few seconds ago, and I found myself wanting to claw them back into my mouth, and tape it shut so they never come out again.

"It's just one person. One man." My voice felt like it was echoing off every wall, booming back into my ears, ringing loudly. I wanted to stop talking, to change all that had happened and make it right again, but nothing would change anything.

"Just one man! Just one. . .Josie. . .that's a person. Someone with a family." Mello whispered, his hard eyes snapping over to mine. I flinched away, feeling my skin crawl with anticipation. A fight was brewing between us, I could feel it. But he sighed, not really wanting to fight. It was still too early. "Come here."

I followed his voice, stumbling over towards the edge of the bed to stand in front of him. Far enough so that if we fought, we wouldn't hurt each other, but close enough to reach out and touch him. I wanted too, I wanted to run my fingers along his soft cheek, to feel the warmth that laid dormant, waiting for my touch to rouse it. I wanted to touch, and feel something real, something right, while my world tilted out from under me. But I kept my arms locked firmly by my sides, resisting what I knew might cause the calm to snap and the war to rage freely.

"Closer, I'm not going to bite you." I stepped up, looking down at my toes, my long, baggy, pajama bottoms covering most of my feet. I tugged anxiously on my tank top, knowing that my stomach was showing a little from how I'd rolled out of bed this morning. He sighed, reaching out with both his arms, and wrapping them firmly around my waist, pulling me in until he could rest his head on my stomach. I hesitated before I lowered my hands on the top of his head, running my fingers though those soft, blonde, tangles. Gently coaxing each knot free. We stayed that way, in a bubble of clam, before my stomach rumbled loudly. Screaming that it demanded to be fed. Mello pulled away, a laugh billowing free from his mouth, his eyes as bright as the sun outside. They swam, like melted golden pools, so beautiful.

"Go get something to eat, but make sure it's light. You've got a hard day ahead of you." I nodded as I swallowed hard, softly stroking his cheek. As I got ready to pull away and run to the kitchen, I could of sworn that I felt him press his face into my palm, but that could of just been my imagination playing tricks on me.

*~*~*~*

I stood against the building I'd soon have to infiltrate to kill the guy I was assigned. I swallowed hard as I watched another woman slip out of the doors to the hotel, shame etched into her face. I know what she just did, and she knew that people knew. Even though she tried to pretend no one did. I was surprised at first to see her in pants, and a regular tee-shirt. But any prostitute will surprise you. Suddenly, I felt a wave of rage as I watched this young girl walk away. She was going home, probably to shower, and then spend the rest of her day laying in bed, wishing she hadn't done what she just did. I wanted to go in there and hurt that man for making her feel that way, for making a lot of women feel that way.

I guess that's why I hated my job so much. Dressing up like a guy really wasn't anything, anyone could do it, but it was the fact that I was helping the men who were causing girls like her great pain. At least now I get a chance to stop one more man from doing this. Even though I really wanted to hurt Big Lu, my boss, for causing men like him to be able to do this. Apparently the only reason I was out doing this job, was because this kid was taking the women that Lu gave him, and not paying Lu back. After three tries, Lu got fed up, and so he sent me, his trusty assassin, out for her first kill.

Now I stand waiting for the perfect chance to slip in, to figure out where to go, what room to go into, and what gun to shoot him with. I reached down to my pocket, the pants baggy enough to hide the bulky weapon. Soon I'd have to use it, soon I'd have to kill him. I bit my lip as the door swung open, slipping through and rubbing shoulders with a rough looking man. While I bumped his shoulder, he looked back at me, his eyes accusing, his arms going up to fuss. In a flash, I slid my hand in his pocket and snagged the money that was crumbled up in there. I smiled to him under the bill of my hat, my eyes hidden, and held up a hand in apology. He stared for a second, confused, and I continued on into the hotel. Completely unnoticed. I un-crumbled the money in my hand to find a couple of twenty's and a few fives. That was more than enough to get a room here. Mello will be happy to know I got a small raise in my paycheck this week. I walked right up to the counter, dropped some money, and took the key to my room. As I slowly walked up the stairs, I spotted my target stepping into his room with a handful of candy from the vending machines. I smiled when I noticed his room was placed right next to my room, this was going to be way too easy.

As I unlocked my room door, he suddenly burst out of his room, frantically looking both ways down the hall until he realized I was standing there. Drug hazed eyes focused in on my shady appearance. Baggy pants, with matching baggy shirt and jacket, my hair tucked away under a hat, with the bill pulled down over my eyes so they couldn't be seen. He smiled a little, staggering out of the doorway, he might have been drunk too, or just surprised.

"Hey man. Uh. . .can I borrow five bucks. My girl, she's hungry, real hungry, and I need something to shut her up. You understand, right?" He laughed as he reached over, smacking my shoulder. I smiled, gritting back a painful grunt, and he pulled away, realizing something was wrong with my shoulder, just not sober enough to tell that it's a girls shoulder.

"Yeah, I have five dollars." I reached into my pocket, feeling the back of my gun and resisting the urge to shoot him now, and handed him the wrinkled five.

"Thanks man, I owe you. Hey, uh. . .how long are ya gonna be here?" He pointed towards my room, and I shrugged my shoulder.

"Not long. . .if things go my way." I watched as the guy laughed, throwing out his arm again, this time smacking me on the back, doubling over with laughter.

"I know how that is." He chuckled softly as he swiped at his eyes, as though what I said was the funniest thing he'd heard all day. With that, he walked off down the hall, random giggles escaping every now and then. I just pushed through the door, staring at my new surroundings for the next couple of hours. I just wanted to get this done and over with, so I can get back home to Mello.

*~*~*~*

A few hours of sitting in my own little solitude, I started to hear stirring in the room next to mine. I knew it wasn't the guy, he hadn't come giggling back, so it had to be the girl he had in there. I held my breath as I listened to her jump off the bed, or where ever she was once laying at, struggling to throw on her clothes probably, and right as her heavy, thudding footsteps started to dash towards the door, it swung open on her, and she let out a started yelp. It was the man, somehow, he just knew what she was up too.

Slowly, I eased myself down onto the floor, crawling on all fours towards the wall that separated my room, and this sick sleaze-bags room. I pressed my ear against the wall as the girl stepped back, dropping whatever was in her arms.

"Where do you think your going?" He demanded in a rough voice, probably used my five dollars to get drunk. "You do know that you are still my property, right?"

"I'm not anyone's property, you can't keep me here." She tried to sound brave, but her voice shook too much.

"HA! Yeah, I believe that." He laughed low, and I moved down the wall towards the sound of his voice.

"Leave me alone! I don't want to be here anymore." She took a few staggering steps back, and it sounded like she tripped on something.

"You're not going anywhere." I lifted up until I found the main source of his voice, and with a quick motion, I ripped out my gun, pressing the nose into the wall, and squeezing the trigger as hard as possible. There was a loud pop that rang loudly in my ears, before everything went dead silent, except for the noticeable shift of a body hitting the ground. The second it connected, the girl started to scream, hysterical, loud, gasping screams.

I raced out of my room, throwing my key on the bed as I darted into the mans room, finding him on the floor, a hole in one side of his head, the other half splattered across the wall and ceiling. His blood pooled out of him, making a stretching ocean around his body. The girl was on the floor next to the couch, her eyes wide with terror, her whole body visibly shaking.

"You have to get out of here." I whispered to her, and she nodded her head, her cheeks wet and glistening with fresh tears. I turned around and walked calmly down the hall as a man in a uniform raced past me, brushing my shoulder and softly apologizing under his breath. I picked up my speed a little but not enough to look guilty about it.

I managed to slip out of the hotel without anyone noticing me, they were too focused on the screams and then the sudden rush of help, that they never noticed the killer slip out the doors. Killer. I was a killer, I just took a mans life with out even thinking about it. My hands started to shake as I slipped into an alley that cut through the back of a bunch of hotel's. A short cut I'd used earlier to get to the hotel from mine. I leaned against the wall, my breath suddenly coming in ragged gasps. I'd just killed a man, me. I shot him through the head, killed him dead cold, right in front of a girl. I wasn't thinking, what if she had seen my face, recognized my voice.

Tears slipped free and I found myself sitting down on the ground, pulling my knees to my chest, sobbing into my pants. My whole body hurt all over, the thought of killing someone kind of freaked me out at first, but now that I've done it, it's a lot worse. I sniffled a few times, taking in deep breaths as I wiped my face clean. Mello will want me home soon, I had to look okay so he wouldn't think anything was wrong. I could get over this, it was just a little bump right now. It'll get easier, it has too.

Right?

Age Twenty-two and I'd killed my first victim.

Age Twenty-two and I was on my way to becoming an assassin.

And the rain didn't start until I was home with Mello.

*~*~*~*~*

Just as I thought, the killing started to get easier and easier, pretty soon, I was the best assassin Big Lu had. I could go in, get the job done, and then have enough composure to act normal in front of the guys. Yeah it bothered me whenever I'd do it, it was only human nature to feel a little creped out, but I learned how to block it out, to not think too much about it. And things slowly put themselves together. So I continued my work, I continued being the hit man of the biggest mafia organization in New York.

"I still don't see why you do this. Your going to get killed one day Joe." Mello fussed as he plopped himself down into a chair. I rolled my eyes as I tugged on my jacket, pulling my long hair out from under it.

"That's not going to happen and you know it. So stop saying things like that." I growled bitterly. He'd been pressuring me to drop my job a lot lately, but I don't think he realized the minute I did that, is the minute we stop affording things. We were barely getting by as it is, so what does he think will happen when I had no money left to buy him food, and pay for the bills?

"What if they find out your not a boy, that your not who you say you are?" He pressed, knowing he was entering a territory that he didn't want to get stuck in. I glanced at him for second, catching the darkened gaze, and the tension rippling through his shoulders.

"That wont happen either. Now just stop talking about it before you jinx me." I playfully glared at him, but in his sour mood, he didn't catch it. Instead, it just helped to fuel his irritation with me, and he slammed his hand down on the table top, hard. The sound of it echoed through the kitchen, startling me and Matt.

"Dammit Joe! This isn't something to joke about! I'm being serious!" Mello shouted and I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him. He wanted to fight, I'd felt this coming all week. So did Matt, he'd taken coverage in his room most of the day, only daring to come out around dinner time, or when only one of us was in the house at one time.

"And you don't think I am? I'm watching my back Mello! I'm taking caution! The only reason why I'm doing this is for your lazy ass!" I scream right back, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"My lazy ass? I'm the one risking my neck everyday to bring in money!" He growled, standing up, tipping the chair over in his blind rage. It clattered to the floor, and I saw Matt stand up, his beeping game the only noise as he trailed off into his room, not really wanting to be a part of this fight. It was going to be a bad one.

"WHAT?! You can't actually be serious!" My voice pitched shrilly and Mello stepped closer, until he was just inches away. He was just close enough so I could smell the chocolate on his breath, hear the excited pants as he prepared himself to start yelling. I could feel his anticipation for every blow, could taste his rage.

"I am serious! It just so happens I'm the only one that is!" He shouted and I stepped right up to him, until our stomachs touched and our faces were inches apart.

"You know what, just screw yourself Mello!" I sneered and stepped away, snatching my hat and gun off the coffee table.

"IF YOU LEAVE JOSEPHINA, DON'T YOU DARE EVER COME BACK!" I turned around as I shoved my gun with the fancy new silencer into my back pocket.

"I wasn't planning on it." And I slammed the door as hard as I could, causing it to quake in the frame. I shivered in the early autumn air. As I headed down the sidewalk, stuffing all my long, curly hair into my hat, the rain started to pound down from over head, drenching me in a matter of seconds. But I didn't care, I was fueled by hate, by complete, unending anger. And it was all Mello's fault, it was always his fault!

*~*~*~*~*

"Joe my man! Your soaked, have you never heard of an umbrella before?" I glanced over at the burley man as he grabbed my wet shoulder, shaking me slightly in a friendly, manly greeting. I nodded my head a little, letting a small smile grace my lips.

"Shy little bastard! When are you going to grow out of all that?" A thin man asked with a pointed nose. He was tucking in a new case of bullets, freshly bought.

"He'll never grow out of it Sid. The boys got all the girls after him, why would he want to grow out of it?" They let out a low laugh, before I walked off so they could start bad mouthing me like they always do. They thought I was gay, a queer that needed to just leave. But that was okay. I wasn't a guy, I was just a girl, but they could never know that, if they ever found out. . .I don't know what they'd do to me.

"I have a fresh load of pretty little girls, all here just for you Big Lu!" I heard a young guy bellow out proudly as I drew closer to where my boss sat, waiting.

"AH! There he is, the shinning hit man! Alive and well!" Big Lu crowed from atop his thrown. He smiled, causing the big jowls he called cheeks to pull up, almost making him look like a bloodhound with peanut butter stuck to his gums.

"So this is the famous Joey I've been hearing about, nice to meet ya man." The kid held out his hand for a shake, but I just looked at it, and took up my rightful position next to Big Lu.

"He's a shy boy, and not much of a people person." The boy nodded as though he understood before continuing on with his business.

"I have this one girl, she's a knock out. She says she's new. I know you'll love her Lu." Big Lu nodded his head, ordering him to bring in the poor girl, and I held my breath as the kid raced towards a door, reaching in and softly coaxing a pretty blonde out into the open. A gasp escaped my lips when I recognized who she was. The pretty girl with the green eyes like jewelry. Her long blonde hair was pulled back to show off her high cheek bones, and she was wearing a tank top that showed of her pale shoulders, and a short skirt that reveled her long legs. Lu made a rumbling noise, and when I looked up at him, he was smiling proudly down at me.

"It seems you've finally found one you like." He howled and I flushed up. That was just gross! This girl was the one I'd tried to pick pocket. If I'd known about her before that, I would of never tried. Most new girls only do this for the money, they don't realize how easy it is for them to become trapped.

"Come to me sweetheart, its okay, I wont bite. . .much." I felt my face twist up in a feral snarl. Sick old pervert. I hated to hear him coo little sick nothings to these girls. I watched as the girl timidly made her way towards Lu, her big eyes darting around at all the men gazing at her, making horrid and crude gestures. I wanted to push her back through that door, out of this building and out of this city. I wanted her to run, to not get caught up in all this. But there wasn't a thing I could say. She aloud Lu to praise her, she even flirted back a little, and when he found her to be a stubborn one, he ordered me to lead them to the hidden room. His room. The one he took all his little favorites to, to 'break in'. It was like they were a new pair of shoes to him.

"Make sure to stay with us this time Joey. I don't want you to miss a thing." I snarled as I unlocked the door, opening and stepping aside so they could squeeze in. The girl glanced at me, but I let the bill of my hat cast a shadow over my face. If she so much as recognized me, she'd rat me out. I couldn't let that happen. I closed the door behind me, and pressed my back against it, the only thing left to hold me up.

"I promise to be sweet on you little one." Lu cooed and I couldn't help but feel my stomach twist. The girl glanced around anxiously, looking in all the dark corners. She was probably scared of the dark or something, so I went and stood in one of the corners, so maybe she wouldn't be as freaked out, and I could turn away without Lu knowing about it.

"I just love this room." The girl cooed, making cooing sounds as Lu rumbled out chuckles and pick up lines. I wrapped my arms around my stomach suddenly feeling sick to the core, but right as I got ready to look away, there was sick slicing sound and the girl was dashing towards the door, throwing it open as Lu's fat head rolled to the ground. I ripped the gun from my pocket and fired as she dashed out of the door, clipping the frame, but not her. I ran after her, the damn assassin! I should have been able to pick up on that, I should of known. As I turned down a hall, the hall of whores, I started to fire randomly, missing her by centimeters. She started to throw open doors, making girls shriek, and men complain. I followed in hot pursuit, firing wildly, the silencer on my gun lowering the deafening pop. Just when I thought that I was going to get her, she turned and flung a knife at my head. I ducked, the edge of the blade slicing my cheek a little. Anger started to pump in me, I'd never had to fight a target before, so this was all knew.

I held up my gun and fired three more times before she took a sharp turn, heading towards the back exist. That was a dead end alley, if I cornered her just right, she wouldn't be able to run anywhere. I busted out right after her, catching her at just the right moment. In both hands, she held two gleaming knives, and I smiled as I stepped to the side, standing right in front of her, and her escape. I held my gun up, not even noticing how heavy the rain was pounding down. If she was just a few more steps away, I wouldn't be able to see hear at all.

I fired my gun, but it was a dud, and she took that opportunity to lash out at me, lunging as I swung out with my gun. I smacked her hard in the side of the head, knocking her to the side, but she slid her knife into the side of my stomach. I gasped as I looked down, an explosion of pain irrupting behind my eyes. I let out a strangled cry and lowered a shaking hand down, yanking it out and tossing it to the ground with a dull clatter. Blood pumped out of the deep gash in tune with my heart beat and I couldn't help but waste a few seconds of standing in shock and pain. She let out a high pitched noise as she came at me again, but I reached out, grabbing her other hand with the knife that she was trying to bring down on my shoulder, and I pushed the gun into her side, squeezing the trigger hard.

She yelped, her face twisting in pain, and I smiled bitterly. "Payback is a bitch." I whispered in her ear before shoving her to the ground. She looked up at me, and suddenly a look or recognition flashed across her face. I quickly turned and ran back inside, ignoring the throbbing burn in my side. I just had to get away from her. . .she remembered me.

*~*~*~*~*

Standing in my room, the room I was allowed to stay in if I ever needed to stay the night here, I stripped off my wet clothes, standing in my underwear, bloody towels laying at my feet. I was struggling to sew up my gash, but it wasn't working, just a big bloody mess. I grunted as I poked into the raw, tender skin, blood slipping out, racing down to mix with the rest that was flowing down my stomach and leg. I pushed back my hair, irritated, and attempted the last link, breaking it was my teeth and tying it in a tiny knot. As I turned to put on my clothes to go home, the door slowly opened and two guys stood there, sly smiles on their faces.

"What did I tell you? A smoking hot chick." The small one grinned as he stepped into the room, the bigger guy followed in, grinning like he'd just won the lottery.

"Is that our little Joe?" The big guy teased, walking until he was right behind me.

"Look at her Sam, she's a mess." The tiny guy snickered as he closed the door, locking it behind him.

"No, what are you doing?" I asked, trying to move away, but the big guy, Sam, grabbed my shoulders hard.

"Your not going anywhere princess." He snarled in my ear before throwing me onto the bed. The tiny one, Sid, slid over to the bed side as I tried to scoot away, but Sam grabbed me by my ankles and pulled me down into the middle.

"NO! Stop, please!" I trashed against him, kicking my legs as Sid slowly rubbed his crotch, rousing himself into a wide grin.

"You should of known this would happen baby girl." Sid whispered as he reached out, touching my cheek before slowly letting his hand graze down towards my bra. "How did you ever hide these from us?" He whispered as lust clouded his eyes. He slowly slid over me, until he was straddling my waist. I started to kick in a wild frenzy, tears rushing form my eyes, seeping into the small cut on my cheek, making it burn.

"NO! PLEASE! STOP IT! PLEASE!" I shouted, struggling with my hands, but Sid pined them down so I couldn't hit at him, Sam holding onto my wildly kicking legs. I could feel my makeshift stitches pop out painfully, but I hardly noticed it as Sid unzipped his pants. I screamed and kicked, wiggling wildly, but no one heard me! No one was coming to save me. I called Mello's name over and over again, pleading and begging him to come save me, but he never showed up. He never came bursting through the door as these men had their way with me.

Age Twenty-two and I lost everything in a couple of hours.

Age Twenty-two, and Mello never came to save me

Not even the rain could wash away this shame.

After awhile of being locked in a room while the men argued over who was going to be the leader now, I'd lost all feeling. The pain that was screaming in my bleeding side died down after the first few men, I didn't even notice it until they complained about the blood getting on their hands. I'd lost count of the beatings I'd gotten, but it didn't stop me from wondering what I looked like. They never hit my face, just my body, bruising and cutting it. I couldn't feel it, I couldn't even feel the tears that would fall down my face anymore.

As I laid on my side, clinging to the sheet that I'd dragged from my room, I waited for the next visit, wondering what would happen. Would they yell at me like some? Hit me or kick me? Or just become sick lusting monsters like most? I'd hear them walking up and down the halls, terrorizing the young women, and every time one would pass my door, I'd flinch, waiting for them to throw it open and start the next round of torment.

But through everything, I never gave up hope that Mello would come for me. Even though we had that bad argument, he would come. I was never late coming home, I always told him if I was going to the store to get food, but he knew I wasn't tonight. And it had been hours since I was supposed to leave. He'd have to come for me, he'd have to come and save me, right?

My fogged mind started to wonder towards the girl with blonde hair. I'd shot her, but not in a bad spot. I wonder if she was okay? Did she manage to get away before the guys started to search for her? I hope so, cause there is no telling what would of happened to her if she was found. She might of ended up like me, maybe worse.

I lifted a shaking hand up to my face, feeling a fresh batch of tears pooling onto my face. I could feel my body shaking and my mind slowly slipping into the hazy half sleep. I knew now why none of those girls could run and get away. The doors were never locked, they were free to escape if they could, but the amount of pain they were in, the beatings and visits they would get, made them completely immobilized. There was no one I could even get up to sit, much less move to run.

After another hour slipped by and no one else came to visit, I was able to relax a little. They'd gotten their fill tonight, beaten each other up, and were to tired to fight with me right now. I was relieved, cause I was too tired to put up much struggle. As I started to close my eyes and try to coax my rigid body to relax to get some rest, but suddenly I heard my name ring loudly through the halls.

"JOE!" My heart stopped as my eyes shot open. My mind was still muddled so I couldn't make out the voice, but I knew it, and my numb body was slowly coming a live.

"JOE! GOD! ANSWER ME!" A door slammed open and a girl yelped but quickly got over it. Feet were pounding down the hall, doors flying open, complaints lifting into the silence between searches.

"JOSIE! ANSWER ME!" Mello! My whole body suddenly found strength and I sat up, ignoring the raw searing stab in my side. I tried to open my mouth and shout back, but my throat was raw and dry from screaming and fighting so much. Doors continued to bang open loudly, drawing closer and closer. My heart started to race and I found myself wanted to crawl towards the door and open it. To help him find me, but I couldn't move.

"JOSEAPHINA! ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW!" Suddenly the door was thrown open and Mello stood in the door way. His eyes wild, hair wet from the rain, breath ragged, a single gun pointed and ready. The second he registered me through the tears, blood, and bruises, he quickly dropped his gun and sank to his knees. Tears sprang to his eyes as he stared at my battered body, blood caked around the puncture wound the girl had given me, shoe prints and ring outlines surrounded by bruises. Small cuts and scraps lined my neck and sounders. He let out a strangled sound and slowly crawled over towards the edge of the bed.

He was crying hard when he reached out and touched my face, seeing it was untouched except for the small scratch and the tears that were slowly chapping my cheeks. He lightly touched my shoulders, seeing my torn bra strap, but didn't bother to stop until he hand was on my waist, right under the seeping gash.

"Joe. . .oh my god. . .what did they. . .how?" Mello searched for words but I knew he didn't want any answers to his questions. He knew what happened, could see it on my face, could tell by the way I was holding myself up with all the strength in my body. His eyes were swimming with tears when he grabbed the tattered sheet and slowly wrapped it around my shoulders. Then he carefully picked me up into his arms, cradling me like a little girl. I clung to him, scared to death he might let me go, and I buried my face into his neck and sobbed hard.

I could feel him walking, could hear the pain in his voice when he promise me that no one else would ever touch me again. I heard him open the door, which was a little difficult since I was in his arms. I heard Matt and the rain. Heard the shock when Matt saw Mello's stained cheeks.

"What happened to her? Is she alright?" Matt asked, and I felt his hand softly laid on my shoulder. I slowly pulled my face away from the safety of Mello's neck and looked up at Matt's goggle covered eyes. His eyebrows were knitted together, and he placed a warm hand on my cheek, letting me know he was sorry for everything. Even though he had no reason to be sorry.

"Let's just get her home, she's hurt badly." Matt nodded and quickly ran over into the rain where I couldn't see him, coming back with a wet girl on his shoulders. My heart jumped to my throat when I saw it was the girl with blonde hair. She slowly lifted her eyes to meet mine, and gasped when she saw it was the pick pocket girl. She started to say something, but I never heard it. My eyes quickly rolled to the back of my head, and I blacked out.

Age Twenty-two I was completely lost to the world.

Age Twenty-two I had no idea how I was going to fix myself.

Age Twenty-two Mello was finally starting to realize why I hated the rain so much.


	8. Chapter 8 Kimblee's POV

"Joe?! Joe, where are you?!"

The rain continued to pound down, but I couldn't move. I know I needed to, before someone came running outside and found me here like this, but I couldn't find it in me to move. I knew exactly what kind of shit went down at this place and I didn't want that to happened to me. Mr. Lynch had a whole two files on this guy, Big Lu, he was the biggest mafia leader in New York and he was impossible to get close enough to kill. He had sent five people before me to take this guy out and none of them had succeeded. I was the last attempt until they were just going to let the cops try to handle it.

"JOE! COME ON JOE! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

That voice sounded so familiar, but they were calling for that girl that shot me, the same one who tried to pick pocket from me that day, that girl with the crazy big blue eyes. And I knew for a fact I didn't know anyone that she knew. They were obviously looking for her and she'd probably rat and tell them I was the one who stabbed her. I had to get out of here quick, but just as I was about to move, a person was standing over me, a gun pointed at my forehead. I tried to make out the face through the rain, but it was impossible to see.

"I don't know where the girl is that you're looking for. She shot me in the side and then took off running back into the building. I swear to you, I have no idea where she is." I told the person, and the gun dropped from my face, and I looked down, praying that they would just walk away and leave me here to go inside and look for her. But the person, bent down on there knees.

"Kimmy, Kimmy, what have you got yourself into now?" My face head shot up and I looked over and met a face I didn't think I'd ever see again. The messy red hair, darker from the rain matted on his face, the goggles over his eyes, masking their true color, and the black leather gloves covering his hands. Matt was right here again, right in front of me.

"No…what….what are you doing here? And…and why are you looking for her? That girl?" My thoughts raced from my mouth in a jumbled mess and I wasn't sure if I was actually making sense. But he was here. Right here.

"Calm down Kimmy, just tell me what happened? So Joe shot you? Let me see." He reached over and lifted up my hand off of my side examining my wound. It wasn't much, I was lucky enough that the bullet just grazed me, creating a nice gash on the side, but nothing more than that. "You're lucky she didn't kill you. She usually doesn't miss."

"Yea, well, I got her first." I gave him a weak smile and he smirked, shaking his head.

"Kimblee, I have a feeling you are going to regret that in a bit. Come on, let's get you out of here. I have a place you can stay till your better." He flicked something on his gun and slipped it into his jacket pocket. He sighed and lifted my arm over his shoulder and slipped an arm under my knees. I didn't protest but let him carry me away, feeling safe in his arms.

He walked slowly and I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as he carried me along. We got to a van and Matt paused for a moment, before walking away and placing me down on the ground by a wall.

"Just wait here, I have to find Mello to get the keys to the van." Matt pulled off his jacket and draped it over me and then walked away quickly, disappearing in the rain. I nodded my head at his retreating form and then my head started to spin. I did my best to try to hold on to consciousness, but it started to become too hard, until finally everything just went black.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING MATT? YOU DON'T KNOW EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL SHE WAS DOING THERE! JOE SAID SHE WAS THERE TO KILL HER BOSS! SHE COULD BE A FUCKING COP!"

Shouts. That's what I woke to. Loud shots from some angry man. I didn't move from the bed, I knew the man was shouting about me. He didn't want me here, because he though I was a cop. I think I was in some real deep shit now and I don't know if Matt was going to be able to save me this time. This guy sounded pissed off and I'd been listening for the past hour.

"She's not a cop, just trust me with this Mello. I promise you. She's not going to bother anyone. I know her, okay, just. . .just trust me. I'm just waiting for her to wake up and then she's going to be gone. I just couldn't leave her there. She was loosing too much blood. . . .I had to help her." Matt's voice was soft and I could barely make out what he was saying, but he had been trying to convince this Mello guy for a while that I wasn't going to do anything.

I ran my hand over the stitches on my side, wondering how long Matt had stayed up to stitch me up last night while I was sleeping.

"God damnit Matt, you better be right. Because if she does snitch about us, I won't hesitate to kill her. I don't know who the hell she is or why the hell she is so important to you, but you better make sure she doesn't say anything about us." Someone's feet stomped away and then a door slammed. I sighed and sat up in the bed I was laying in and stood up slowly, careful not to rip the stitches. The door slid opened quietly, just as I stood up.

Matt stared at me in silence for a minute. He was wearing a long sleeve baggy shirt, where the sleeves covered his hands, he wasn't wearing his goggles, showing two blue green eyes, that looked tired, his hair looked messier than usual, standing up in odd directions. He looked terrible and it was all because he was up late taking care of me. He closed the door softly behind him and walked right by me to the little nightstand table by his bed.

"I'm sorry Matt. I didn't mean to cause you any trouble. You didn't have to do all this." I whispered. He didn't turn around and look back, but continued to rummage through his desk drawer. We stayed silent for a little while longer, until Matt pulled a white carton and a lighter our of the drawer. He slipped a long white stick out of the carton and placed it between his lips and lit it quickly, taking a long drag and exhaling a white puff of smoke in front of him.

"It's okay Kimbee. Mello's an asshole and he's just really worried about Joe. He doesn't need anything else to worry about. How you feeling?" Matt took another drag from his cigarette, closing his eyes. I wonder when the last time he smoked was.

"Better. Thanks to you."

"That's good. I'm used to saving your ass Kim, it's becoming a second nature to me." He smirked over at me and brought the cigarettes to his lips taking one last drag before he turned around and put the cig out in the ashtray on the little table.

"Yep you were always there, but thank you for everything. I have to get going. I don't mean to just run out, but, they're going to come looking for me if I don't leave. . . So. . .thank you, Matt. It was really nice to see you again." I stood for a minute awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

"Who's going to come looking for you Kimblee? Are you a cop?" Matt didn't turn around and look back at me, but pulled out another cigarette and quickly lighting it.

I thought about my answer for a moment, wondering if I could tell him the truth. During training, it was drilled into our heads that we didn't exist and no one was ever to know about us unless they were about to die, but this was Matt. I used to tell him everything and anything, but then he disappeared from my life and now he just randomly showed back up. Could I tell him?

"No. I'm not a cop." Matt turned around, crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, expecting me to continue. "I'm an assassin. I work for the government, but nobody really knows about us and they're really good at tracking people down, so I should go. I don't want him to come find me here. That would piss your friend off and I don't want to do that anymore."

Matt chuckled and shook his head. "Yea, I guess your right." He was silent for a moment and I smiled, turning around and heading for the door. "Hey Kim, if you ever need anything, umm, just give me a call. My number never changed."

My hand rested on the doorknob and I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my face. "Sounds like somebody missed me. I will, maybe it won't be on such bad terms next time." I glanced behind me and Matt was staring at me intently and there was something different about them. I couldn't tell what, but it was the way, he was looking at me.

"Yea. You better go though. Wouldn't want your coworkers to worry and I don't know how Mello would feel about you still being here." Matt sighed and walked over to the door beside me. I nodded my head and walked out the door and Matt followed, getting in front of me to show me the way out. "Bye Kim, stay safe this time."

"I will. This is actually the first time I got hurt on the job. I usually don't have to worry about shit like this." I smiled up at Matt and he rolled his eyes and opened the front door and I walked out and it kind of reminded me of old times, when I used to leave Matt's place back when we were still teenagers.

"Well, let's not have any repeats." Matt said softly and he placed his hands on my cheeks and pulled my face closer to his. My heartbeat quickened, confused by what he was doing and then his lips rested lightly on my forehead. "Like I said, be safe." He whispered, his hot breath hitting more forehead.

"I promise."

It was just like that, I got the most important person in my life back and all it took was a gunshot wound to the side.

* * *

Mr. Lynch was furious when I got back to the office, well, I think furious was putting it lightly.

"Where the HELL have you been?" I hadn't even had time to close the door when I was bombarded with questions. I didn't explain anything, but aloud him to continue and rant a bit about how poorly I handled things and how I have no respect for anyone around me and how many people were worried about me. I just nodded my head and apologized in the right places, waiting for my turn to actually talk.

"WELL, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mr. Lynch said shrilly and I couldn't help but notice the bulging vein that had suddenly appeared in his neck. I don't think I've ever noticed that before.

I shook my head and looked away, throwing a file onto his desk. "He's dead. Big Lu is gone, but I think a new person is already taking his place. Probably not as smart as Big Lu, but there is going to be a new big leader in New York. The reason it took so long to get back to you, I got shot while I was there." I lifted my shirt up slightly, exposing the stitches that Matt had done. Mr. Lynch's eyebrows raised and he glanced up at me and then back at the wound.

"Why didn't you come here for medical needs?" Mr. Lynch's tone was suspicious, but I knew he was going to ask this and I already had an excuse lined it.

I rolled my eyes and threw myself down in a chair and shrugged my shoulders. "Because I didn't feel like being stuck here for two days. I can take care of myself just fine at home. That was part of the training. I learned how to take care of my own medical needs."

"You didn't want anyone to know that you got hurt, didn't you?" He eyes became thing accusing slits.

I stared at him for a moment, shocked, because that idea never crossed my mind, but it wouldn't be a bad excuse to play, because it is probably one that everyone could believe. I was a bit competitive. I scowled and gave my head a quick jerk, hoping it came off as a nod.

"You little brat! That was stupid and irresponsible of you! This isn't a game Miss. Bricker. This is your life! You could of died if you didn't get the right medical needs, next time you get injured on the job, you come straight here and heal." During his little rant Mr. Lynch ended up towering over his desk at the end, glaring at me over his wire rimmed glasses. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir."

Mr. Lynch took a deep breath and sat back down behind his huge oak desk. "Good, you're dismissed now. You can take the rest of the day off and don't come back in till your wound is fully healed. You'll be of no use to me, with a wound like that." He didn't even look back up at me, but flipped through the file on his desk and lifted his hand waving me off.

"Thank you sir." I jumped out of my seat and just about ran out of the room, ignoring all the stares I go from the people around me. They were probably all curious what Mr. Lynch had to say to me. Everyone in this place loved to listen to other people get in trouble, it meant maybe a slight improvement on their paycheck or the amount of jobs they were aloud to do.

But when people tried to stop and talk, I just kept going and ignored them. I had a full empty day ahead of me and I knew exactly who I wanted to spend it with. I had my phone out before I was even out of the building.

Life took a sudden turn and things were finally starting to look for the better.

But how long would it stay like this?


	9. Chapter 9 Joe's POV

The first night was a living hell. I'd wake up in a panicked rush, my legs and arms flying everywhere, the searing pain welling up inside me flooding out from my mouth as I screamed Mello's name over and over again. He'd come running every time, the door flying open, me falling out of bed and meeting him halfway, my hands clawing and clinging to him, him whispering desperate mummers to keep me calm. Sometimes I'd wake up in his arms, thrashing wildly, fighting the very man who was trying to protect me. And other times, Matt would come rushing in, his eyes wild, hair a mess. He'd hold my arms down, and keep me calm with whispers and promises that everything would be okay.

Everything would be okay.

How many times had I heard that between my being awake, and falling asleep to the dull hum of Mello's voice, repeating the same thing over and over again. Everything will be okay. It was like they were trying to convince themselves more than they were me. I knew I was okay, it was just the dreams that would grab me. I was okay when Matt would come in with a glass of water, gently coaxing it down my sore and dry throat. I was okay when Mello would help me into bed after a bout, laying down next to me, his arm barely wrapped around me, my face pressed into his chest. He'd stay there until I fell asleep. I was fine as long as there was someone to wake me up.

I was fine, because everyone kept saying, everything's gonna be okay.

*~*~*~*

The hours slipped by, and before I knew it, I was slowly opening my eyes to a new morning. No nightmares this time. Mello was right the last time, I was okay, everything was going to be okay. I slowly eased myself off the bed, checking to find Mello missing. I'd grown used to this between the countless times I'd wake up fighting. Mello was always missing. He'd slip out after I was asleep, probably to rest himself. I didn't realize how my state was effecting him last night, all I could think about was the next rush, the next fight, the next time he'd bust through that door like in the whore house and come save me.

I found myself needing him suddenly, needing his presence, his hold, his protection. But he wasn't here. Instead, I could hear the faint murmur of voices coming from the living room. One I could pick up easily, Matt. He was awake, it was okay to get up and leave. But the other voice was soft, smooth, a girl? I slid my legs out easily, my pajama bottoms pulling up slightly to revel a nasty, screaming bruise. I hadn't seen myself since the fight with that girl. I had no idea what I looked like right now.

My feet screamed when I placed them on the frozen floor boards, but I didn't waste time. I pushed myself up and walked slowly, since I was completely sore all over, and stood in front of a mirror in the room. My eyes were hallow, with deep bruises under them. Probably from all the fighting and nightmares last night. My shoulders and arms were dotted with varying sizes of bruises, so I grabbed Mello's loose jacket and slid it on. Lifting the tank top Mello must of slipped on me, I found the gash, neatly sown shut. Mello could never do this, his nerves were to bad, so Matt must of done this. Had they both seen me naked? A blush rose to my cheeks at the thought and I quickly pushed it away.

Walking to the door, I rested my hand on it for a moment, hearing a faint laugh. It was defiantly a girl out there. One that Matt knew. He only knew one that I knew of. A friend he left behind a long time ago. I never knew what she looked like, just knew her name was Kimblee. I pushed the door open, not minding the sharp squeak that rang out, silencing the two. As I slowly stepped out into the hall, I found two scared, and shocked people staring up at me.

The girl. . .the girl with blonde hair quickly jumped up and Matt raced towards his bedroom, throwing the door open and dragging a haggard looking Mello out into the living room. He squinted painfully against the sudden intrusion of light until his eyes focused on the situation at hand.

"Joe? Josie?! Your up! What are you doing up?" Mello quickly rushed towards me, grabbing my hand firmly, my shoulder softly. "You need to get some sleep Josie. Your not well enough to be up."

I looked up at him, his hair completely tangled and messy. I lifted a shaky hand and softly tugged a knot free, but he caught it and pulled it down. I stared up at the heavy bags under his eyes, he hadn't slept at all, he'd probably just tossed and turned all night. I pulled my hand free, being annoying even when he couldn't fight with me, and touched his cheek, feeling the stress that was resting rigid under his skin. I was hurting him, worse. . .I was killing him.

"I'm fine. I want to move." I mumbled, my voice still weak. Matt walked over, taking one arm while Mello softly helped guide me over to the couch. They both sat on either side of me, but I ignored them, staring at the girl. She was here, she was alive and well. I glanced at her side, swallowing hard before finding her jewel eyes again.

"Are you okay?" I asked and she jumped a little, shocked at my concern. I smiled a little, Mello reaching over and protectively touching my knee.

"Y-yes. I'm fine. . ." Her voice trailed off, letting me know that I'd hurt her. How bad? How deep? Did she go through what I did? Did they happen to find her? I started to stand, but Mello quickly put a stop to that. I didn't have to ask to know that if I moved one more time, I'd be carried back to my room. Fight or no fight.

"I'm sorry. I was just doing my job. If. . .if I'd known what was going to happen would of happened, I wouldn't of attacked you. I'm sorry." I let out in a rush and she just stared at me, back pressed against the wall, arms locked at her sides, breath coming in slow, heavy pants. She was still suspicious of me, she thought I was still going to hurt her.

"Thank you. . . I'm sorry too. . .I didn't know that it was you at the time. I didn't know that you were a girl dressed as a guy until. . .until it was too late." I smiled, shaking my head, my curls tumbling over my shoulder. They smelled like rain, and salty tears. But not mine, I cried into someone's shoulder last night. . .these were Mello's. I looked away from the girl against the wall, giving her time to let Matt coax her into a chair, to look up at Mello. A thin line of pink ran around his eyes, tipping me off that he'd done his fair share of crying last night too. I covered his hand with my own, letting him know I knew. Letting him know to relax.

"Joe, I want you to meet Kimmy. This is my friend I told you about." I turned back towards the girl, her face lighting up as Matt talked about her. There was history between these two. History that I could never touch, or understand. Something happened, horrible and wonderful, but she was here. She was Matt's friend again. So she had to be mine to.

"Hi Kimmy, I'm Josephina, Joe for short. It's nice to meet you, you know, on a no weapons term." I smiled and she laughed a little, letting me know that she was okay with me. That there was no grudges held between us. I could trust her. . .maybe.

*~*~*~*

I never got to say good-bye to Kimmy. After a few hours of sitting up and listening to her and Matt talke while Mello dozed and I sipped poorly made coffee(thanks to Matt), I started to slip under that fog that had been threatening me since I started to talk to Kimmy. It hit me suddenly, and I'd hoped the coffee would hold it at bay, but it found me, and I never got to hear about how Kimmy and Matt became friends. I'd fallen asleep on a slightly rested Mello, who'd carried me back into my room and stayed there with me. I woke a few hours later in his arms, his head propped up on one arm while the other rested lazily on my waist.

He was asleep, breathing softly and slowly and I smiled as I slid out from under his arm, easing his head down onto his pillow. He was worried sick something would happen to me, he'd told me a thousand times the night before how he wouldn't let anything hurt me ever again, even if that meant he never slept again. But he needed to sleep, and he needed to take care of himself. I couldn't let him get sick because I was careless on my job. I knew better, I knew exactly what would happen if they found me, and I was still careless. I still let them find me, even after all I knew.

Slipping into the bathroom, I washed off layers of sweat, tears, and dirt, finding my bruises weren't half as bad as they seemed. A few even washed away, making me laugh a little, despite the situation. I toweled off and changed into sweat pants and a lose shirt I'd found laying at the bottom of the dresser. These had to be Mello's, but I knew right now he wouldn't mind. I walked towards the kitchen, and quickly started making a meal, luring Matt out of his room.

"Your already feeling well enough to cook?" He smiled brightly and I knew his night with Kimmy went well.

"Yes, if I don't get back to work you guys will starve to death." I waved a spoon in his direction before turning back to the food in front of me. Matt pulled out a chair at the small table and plopped down lazily.

"Good, cause I missed your cooking. Mello's nice and all for trying, but burnt meat is just nasty!" I turned to catch the grossed out face and giggled as I slid a sunny side egg onto a plate and placed it in front of him. He didn't hesitate to dig in, so I quickly started on another.

"You had a good night with Kimmy? She seems really sweet. But can we trust her? I know you do, but can Mello?" I flipped the egg slowly, stalling, hoping Mello would smell it and come wondering out. But I wanted him to sleep. . .no, what I really wanted was to be able to talk to him, not Matt.

"Yes, it's good to see her again. She seems. . .happy. And she is sweet, she's got the biggest heart. We can trust her, not just me, but Mello too. He's just gotta get over his issues, and he can trust her. I just gotta figure out a way to get her to work with us." I turned to find him biting his lip and staring at his empty plate.

"Maybe I can help you? I could talk to her if it would help?" Matt shrugged and I pushed the egg in the spot he was staring, catching his attention to feed his growling stomach. "Or maybe she will miss you enough to come willingly."

Matt smiled as he shoveled the third egg I'd fixed for him in his mouth, nodding in agreement. The rest of the time I silently fixed a few more eggs, slipping them onto a plate to feed to Mello. I didn't want to wake him, but I wanted to talk to him, to see if he was okay. Fixing two glasses of milk, I left Matt at the table, playing his little beeping machine, and walked into our room.

When I walked in, I found out I didn't have to wake Mello after all. He was sitting up, his hand resting in the spot where I'd been laying, his eyes wondering up to meet mine. He parted his mouth, but he couldn't say anything. I quickly raced to his side, setting down the food and drinks and taking his face in my hands. I eased down in front of him, our knees touching, and we just sat there. The silence swelling around us, nearly suffocating us.

"I was so scared, I thought you ran away again, and I'd never see you again." He lifted his hand off the spot and scooped my cheek up in it, cradling it.

"No, it was a nightmare. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." I whispered. He pulled my face in closer to his, resting his forehead against mine. A blush ignited my face and he chuckled, those dark chocolate eyes lightly up to a lighter honey color. It wasn't the same as before that night, those swimming golden eyes were gone for now, but it was the next best thing I could get.

"Come on, let's get food in you." I leaned back, taking the plate into my lap and cutting up the eggs with a fork. I scooped the little chunks up one at a time, leading them into his waiting mouth. He rested his back against the wall, the pillows acting as a cushion so he'd have some support. With each bite, his eyes would meet mine, and soon, we were just staring at each other. I was lost in those eyes that were swimming with colors, mixes of gold, yellow, and brown, all flowing evenly, making them so beautiful, and so hard to look away from. I stopped feeding him the eggs, and we were left with nothing but the breathe between us. It was so weird, but so claming, and I found myself setting the plate back on the nightstand and shifting up closer to Mello until my hand rested on his bare chest. His skin was so warm and alive under my hand, so real, and I found myself pushing closer and closer to feel that warmth, to draw it into myself. My face was inches from his, and he didn't try to push me away. Instead, he took his hand and brushed my hair back behind my ear before leading my face closer to his, until we were breathing the same air, our lips barely touching. Taking this as a good sign, I bumped my lips into his, and he reacted instantly, kissing me so softly I almost didn't feel it. A warmth spread through my whole body, and I lifted my hand, touching his cheek, his neck, everywhere. I couldn't get enough of him, and the more I touched, the more he kissed me. Deeper and stronger with more and more meaning behind it. But before I could hold onto the warmth, it was quickly vanishing as Mello pulled back, eyes wide and scared.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice hitching slightly. Yeah I was disappointed, I wanted to share this moment with him, it was so perfect, so what I wanted.

"I can't do this Joe, not with you the way you are right now." He gestured towards my battered body that was slowly healing. The bruises weren't as bad as they once were, a few were already turning the sickly yellow color. Most didn't even hurt.

"With me the way I am? You mean broken? Used? You don't want me because I'm gross to you now, aren't I?" I could feel the rage building up inside, the pain of rejection over something that I couldn't even control.

"No! No Joe, it's not that. I just can't do this! Not right now! Your still not right, you need time to rest. I just can't." I held my breath, fighting the annoying tears that wanted to spill. I knew I felt something towards Mello, I was always craving his presences, he was always the first person I'd run to when I needed help, or the first name I'd call when I was scared. But up until know, I didn't know it was this deep of a feeling, this strong.

"I'm not right? I'm NOT RIGHT?! I can't control what those men did to me, but I can control what happens between me and you Mello! And I know exactly what I want! I want you." My voice broke off into a strangled sob and Mello's eyes widened. "And. . .and I thought that you wanted me to! You hold me, and touch me, and take care of me. I thought. . .I. . . .I thought wrong. . . ."

Sudden embarrassment of all the signs I took wrong flooded through my head. All those touches that sent racing shivers through my skin, all those heartbeats that I used to shake off as my imagination. They were nothing, nothing to him. Nothing to me. Just something between two lonely people, who were so completely alone, and in pain, that they had to rely on each other the keep it away. I was never anything besides the girl from the orphanage, the silly little girl who dropped everything she had to run off with a silly little boy who didn't even know what he wanted.

"Joe, Joe don't say that, don't do this. It's not like that." He scrambled for words, but was coming up with nothing. There was nothing he could say. He didn't want me. He didn't want any of me.

"Why would you lead me on like that?" My voice sounded so detached, not my own, and Mello picked up on it. His eyes grew, his breath coming in quick spurts. Panic, he was panicking.

"I never lead you on Joe, everything, all I've done, I meant it all. I just. . .I just can't be another man who comes into your life and hurts you. I can't be like those men who. . .who used you, over and over, and tore you apart, and ruined everything perfect and innocent about you. I can't do that to you. I can't! I CAN'T JOE!" He was hysterical, crying and hiccupping. His eyes mashed into the heels of his hands, his whole body shivering from the pain of each breathless, hard, sob.

I quickly took him into my arms, pulling him in close until his head was buried deep in my hair and neck, his arms circling around and squeezing me so tight I was afraid I wouldn't be able to breathe. His hands dug into my back, taking the jacket I was wearing up into tight fists. He was a mess, worse then me, and it was all because he was worried sick about what happened. Maybe those feelings rested in him to.

"I. . .I see them, I can see them touching you, and hurting you. I can hear you screaming, begging for help over and over again. Oh my god Joe! I can see those sick bastards hurting you, and it kills me! IT KILLS ME! I can't be another one! I will die if I hurt you!" Tears slipped down my face as I pulled away so I could stare at those beautiful, tormented eyes.

"You can't! You can't ever hurt me Mello. Never!" He shook his head, saying no over and over again and I smiled and nodded, pulling his face down to meet mine, gently leaving a kiss on his soft lips. As I got ready to pull away, he pressed his face in again, kissing me with the slightest bit of desperation before pulling back, pushing my dampened hair away from my face.

"I won't hurt you Joe. I'll die before I hurt you." His face became deadly serious as he wiped his cheeks off with the back of his hand.

"I wont let that happen." I whispered as he took his thumb, swiping the few tears that were left running freely down my face. "Never."

Age Twenty-Two Mello was finally mine.

Age Twenty-Two I'd found something good to cling to.

And the rain couldn't touch us in the safety of our warm embrace.

*~*~*~*

A whole week had gone by without a single fight between me and Mello, usually when that happened, something in the balance of nature was wrong. But I wasn't going to mention it, and he didn't seem to mind it much either. Walking by, I let my fingers brush softly through the lose tangles in his hair, pulling a few free before continuing on my way towards the kitchen. Coffee was screaming my name, and I was about feed the need. My fingers tingled as I picked up the warm, steaming cup, bringing it to my lips, taking a long, burning drag. Mello watched, his eyes glued on the mug clenched tightly in my burning hands, before pushing up off the couch and walking up behind me.

"What's it taste like?" He mumbled, reaching around and taking the mug out of my hands into his own. He brought it to his nose, taking a deep whiff, before making a face and pulling back. "It smells like crap."

"Well it doesn't taste like that, it tastes like. . .well. . .like wonderful." I grinned as I slipped the mug from his hands, taking a deep swig, feeling the screaming burn down my throat before the rush of tingles that replaced the burn.

"Wonderful? I didn't know wonderful had a taste." I smacked his chest before setting the mug down.

"Just quit it, if you want to know what it tastes like so bad, then you should take a sip of mine." I moved him by placeing my hands lightly on his hips, guiding him away from the spot I wanted to be in. I opened a cabinet by standing on my tiptoes, my hands finding the box of already opened hot chocolate. I pulled a packet out, seeing Mello's face instantly light up in appreciation. I found the jug of milk in the fridge, something Mello never bothered to add to his hot coco, and fixed him a warm glass.

"You wont laugh at me if I don't like it, will you?" I shook my head, handing him his favorite drink as he took my cup of cooled coffee in his hands. He slowly lifted it to his lips, parting them slightly, and I felt a shiver run up my spine at the slight gesture. Since that night, where we finally drew closer and took the huge step over the 'just friends' line, I'd found everything he did irresistible. Mostly with his lips. We were something, and I didn't know what it was. I'm sure he didn't either. But it was there, and we could feel it, and I never wanted it to go away. I was silently his, and he was silently mine.

"ICK!" Mello pushed the mug into my hands, startling me as it sloshed onto my black tank top. Even though I should be mad, I found myself snorting out laughs at the face he was making. The twist of his lips, the hard glare clearly pointed towards the mug in my hands. "You said you wouldn't laugh."

"I lied." I giggled a few more times, drawing Matt out of the bowels of his room. His hair was messy, but that was becoming an everyday thing. Ever since Kimmy stopped by for that little visit, he hadn't been the same. He was pulling himself out of bed by force, constantly talking about how she was, where she was, worrying over the tiniest thing. It was normal for Mello to be like this, he was a basket case, worry wart, but seeing it on the normally laid back Matt, that was distressing.

"Hey Matt. Are you okay?" I walked over, brushing some stray strands out of his face. He looked up at me through the foggy yellow goggles that always obscured his eye color, and simply held out a red phone. I took it from him, throwing him a questioning look.

"Her work address is programmed in there. Joe, I gotta see her again. I lost her once because I was stupid, I can't let her slip away again." I could hear how desperate he was, and could see the pleading in his eyes. It almost killed me.

"Let me get dressed." A shaky smile broke out on his face as he reached out a hand, squeezing the one with his phone in it tight.

"Please don't stop until she comes back." I smiled wide at him, moving my hand out from under his.

"And who do you think I am? I wouldn't think of it." I quickly turned, catching Mello sipping down his hot coco in deep gulps. He caught my eye and finished off the rest of the mug as he followed after me. Once the bedroom door was closed tightly behind him, his lips came crashing down on mine. So full of force, so alive. Since I'd almost healed completely, he wasn't as scared to touch me, and the nightmares hardly came, only when I was taking naps and Mello wasn't around to keep me safe. One night they caught up to me, he'd slipped out to get something to drink, and it was like they knew that I was vulnerable, and I wound up fighting to break free from his entangling arms.

I slid my hands through the soft tangles of his bed ruffled hair and drew a delicate moan from his throat, making my body tingle and warm. I pulled away, his lips still hungrily pecking at mine. Giggling I walked to the closet, slipping in to quickly change into a plain black tee-shirt that fit me snugly, and my favorite pair of jeans. Sliding on a belt I slipped back out with a pair of lethal boots that made me taller thanks to the heal. Mello smiled at me, pleased that I'd retired from my boyish clothes and traded them for more form fitting, girly things.

"I like that on you." He grinned wide and I flushed. Even though I was happy in the moment, I couldn't help but dread the moment when it ended. The second we'd be at each other's throats, ready to rip the others hair out. I knew it was coming, it had been way overdue. I knew Mello could feel it too, soon the easy laid back nature would wear thin, and we'd need the drama to stir back up again. We craved the drama, living on it's high. If we weren't fighting about, or for, something, then we'd die.

"I'll be back in a little while, promise you'll behave?" I teased as I walked over, stuffing the phone in my back pocket. I reached down to run my hand through those gorgeous, golden locks, and kiss his cheek softly, but he grabbed my hand before it was even halfway to his hair. His once swimming gold eyes were hardened and deadly serious. This was, after all, the first time I'd been out since the accident.

"Please be safe Joe. If anything happens, if you see someone that. . .you know. . ." He swallowed hard, "Just run, don't think about that girl. Just run and get back here as fast as you can."

"Nothing's going to happen Mello. You know that." I moved my hand from his and stroked his cheek with my fingertips. He sighed, clearly annoyed, but paused, realizing the potential that one annoyed sigh had. It was there, right behind his eyes, and I was sure that it was reflected in mine as well. Fear. It was eating us away. We were afraid of the next fall out. How bad would it be? Would it destroy what we were trying to make here? If this was even something to make something into.

"Please Joe, just promise me." He pleaded, his eyes boring holes into mine. I swallowed hard, not realizing that this careless behavior got us into most of our fights in the first place. I forced a tight nod and he relaxed a little, the tension slowly leaving his shoulders. "Thanks for the hot coco, it was great."

I smiled, walking towards the door, catching Matt's excited gaze as I slipped out the front door. Now all I had to do was figure out how to get to where this chick was, and break her out of there.

*~*~*~*

You couldn't miss the building if you tried. It towered a little bit higher than all the rest around it, and it was stark white. I felt a lump wedge itself in my throat as I cautiously approached the wide swinging doors. I jumped in as they rotated towards me, getting weird stares and annoyed glances. Jumping out into the building, my heels making a loud crack across the floor, I instantly earned the disapproving glares from the fidgety women behind the long counter miles away from me. I slowly clicked my way up to the counter, resting my hands on the cool marble surface, getting greeted by a warm, bubbly plump woman.

"Hello sweetheart, how may I help you?" I was thrown off at how sweet she said sweetheart and was left floundering around for the right words to spit out.

"Uh. . .I'm looking for someone, but I've never been here. I'm a. . .I'm a friend, more like family." I smiled and she eyed me strangely.

"Well do you have a name? I can try and see if they are here or busy." I let out a slow breath, this was easier than I'd expected.

"Kimblee? She's supposed to work here, or at least that's what she texted me last night." I pulled out my phone, but the second I did it, I instantly regretted it. Her eyes landed on the huge patches of scars that lined up and down my arms from that one panic attack months ago.

"I'll go check now, just wait here." I nodded, swallowing around the lump, and suddenly regretted not thinking about grabbing a jacket. Now Kimmy's going to see how weird my arms looked and think I'm a bad person who gets scars often. I shrugged it off as the plump woman came back, less warm and bouncy, and more distant.

"Come right this way, she's willing to see guests." I smiled and thanked her, but I couldn't help but notice as we walked down the hall, that she was making a clear point at not touching me, in any way. She walked up to a small office door, tapping softly until an irritated murmur let her in. She quickly walked out, nodding it was okay for me to go in, and made a huge circle to get around me. I glared after her before turning back to the door. Pushing my head in through the crack, I found Kimmy fussing over a stack of papers, writing hastily and in a wild rush. She looked up, probably waiting for someone to say something and her green jewel eyes widened at the sight of me as I pushed the rest of the way in, letting the door close behind me before pressing my back against it.

"Hi!" I smiled and she dropped her pen, her mouth falling slack.

"Uh. . .hi?" I shifted away from the door, pulling out a chair in front of her desk and plopping down. I smiled brightly as she reached for her papers, stacking them and moving them away from me. I couldn't help but catch Big Lu's face plastered to the first paper. She was filing a report on that night. . .she was a bounty hunter. Dread crippled me. I'd just made a huge mistake walking into this building right now. Someone might recognize my face from a picture or something, and I'll have no hope, I'll be pounced on, and killed before I have a chance to even try and run.

"Um. . .do you think you can go out to lunch with me? There's something I need to talk to you about. . .it's Matt. . .something happened." Her eyes bugged in distress and she didn't hesitate when she grabbed her coat, jumping up towards the door. I stood following after her. Before she could dart into the hallway, I grabbed her arm, freezing her in place. "Stay calm, or they'll think something's up."

"Something is up." She grumbled back but listened and calmly exited, calling to the plump woman that she was on break. "You have a hour to tell me everything that happened to him."

"Nothing happened. I just needed your attention and time." She paused, staring at me for a beat, before continuing down the street with me.

"Then what's this all about?" She asked as I pointed towards a coffee shop.

"Matt."

"But you just said. . ."

"Forget what I just said. He misses you." This caught her off guard, her eyes zoning out. What ever happened to them a long time ago really effected her.

"He misses me? He said that?" She nearly begged as I pushed the door open, being flooded by the sweet aroma of coffee beans, creams, and sugars.

"He didn't have to, we can see it. He doesn't do anything but mope around, mumbling about you, and spending most of his time in bed. Now I don't know what happened between you two, but this has to stop." I ordered a strong coffee and thanked the girl as she handed it to me before leading Kimmy over to a table secluded from everyone else. The coffee shop was cute, very modern and up to date, a place college kids come to hang, and giggly High School girls crash to look cool. I slipped my coffee and watched Kimmy try and process everything with a dumbfounded look on her face. It was almost sweet!

"I don't understand. . .why would he miss me?" I nearly laughed, but I knew it would be rude and saved it.

"He cares about you. He wanted me to come here and talk to you, cause he knew there was no way you'd hear him out on this but. . .I can't let you walk back into the building, really, I can't let you leave this coffee house until you agree to come back with me."


	10. Chapter 10 Kimblee's POV

"He cares about you. He wanted me to come here and talk to you, cause he knew there was no way you'd hear him out on this but. . .I can't let you walk back into the building, really, I can't let you leave this coffee house until you agree to come back with me." Joe quickly exhaled and gave a shaky smile.

I sat quietly and raised my eyebrows, bringing my steaming hot cup of coffee to my lips, taking a small sip, careful not to burn my tongue. When did Matt start sending people to do his dirty work? I had always thought that he was always for himself, but I guess he found someone better to work with. I placed the mug carefully back on the table and looked back at Joe. Her wide crazy blue eyes, were watching me carefully, studying my face for probably any sense of emotion. Not that I was going to let any through, I had gotten good at controlling my face over the years.

"So, what do you say? You think you can come work for us? Join the team?" Joe smiled again, this time more relaxed. I had already thought about doing this once, because Matt had implied to me one day through a phone conversation we had, but something was holding me back. There was a little voice in the back of my head that was telling me that it was a bad idea, that only bad would come from this. But then there was a part of me who was willing to jump and say yes immediately. The thought of seeing Matt again everyday and to talk to him and have conversations about everything was alluring and wonderful, but then I was reminded of that day that he left. How was I supposed to know that he wasn't going to do that again? If he ditched me once, I was sure he could do it again.

"I don't know. I have a pretty good life for myself now and I'm sort of in a job where I can't just get up and leave." I took a deep breath and shook my head, picking up my mug and taking another small sip. "Why did he send you anyway? It's not like Matt to send someone to do his dirty work."

Joe sighed and picked up her mug too, taking a big sip. My eyes fell on her arm and I was shocked to see blotchy pink scars covering the pale skin of her arm. I looked back up, meeting her stare. She put her mug down on the table and I noticed it was empty. She looked around the coffee shop and waved down our waitress and pointed at her now empty mug on our table. She was a coffee junkie.

"Like I said, he knew you wouldn't hear him out, so he asked me to come talk to you. And you're going to just have to leave you job, because I promised Matt that I wouldn't come back until you agreed to come with me. And I've never broken a promise."

"Well, I'm sorry, I guess there is a first time for everything. Tell Matt that, I'm sorry, but I just can't take that risk. Again." I stood up from the table and pulled a few dollars out of my pocket and threw them on the table for my coffee. Joe didn't move to stop me or open her mouth to say anything. "He should know what you're talking about and if he doesn't, that's just more reason for me not to do what you're asking."

"Kimblee…you really don't want to do this." Joe mumbled, looking down at her mug on the table.

"Actually, I think I do." And without another word, I turned on my heel and walked away. I made it out the door without Joe trying to stop me and then I quickly blended in with the mash of bodies in busy Manhattan and I forced myself to walk farther and farther away from the small coffee shop. And in the back of my head, I was praying that I had made the right decision.

And that it wasn't going to backfire on me.

* * *

I made it back to the office within the hour and quickly slipped back into my little chair and continued on the paperwork that seemed to be taking me days to finish. I was usually able to have the paper worked down hours after I did the job, but then again, this was the first job that I'd actually gotten hurt on and not to mention brought some ghosts of my past and two new people, one that was insistent on getting me to join their little criminal party.

I sighed and shook my head, picking up a pen and signing one of the papers. I quickly went through my paperwork finally finishing just as there was a knock on my door and before I had a chance to answer to the knock, my door opened, meaning it could only be one person.

"Ah, Miss Bricker, I was hoping to find you here. How is your paperwork coming along?" Mr. Lynch waltzed on in, closing the door behind him and taking a seat in the chair in front of my desk, placing a brief case next to the chair. He brushed down the jacket of his suit and looked over his glasses, his dark eyes resting on my face.

I instantly sat up straighter in my chair and gathered up all the papers on my desk, stacking them together in a neat pile. "Yes sir, I just got finished. Here you go." I held the papers over the desk and he reached over, resting them in his lap. He didn't even glance down at them, his eyes staying connected with mine. I stared right back, not daring to look away. One thing I'd noticed after working here for a while, Mr. Lynch loved to make people feel uncomfortable and I never liked to give him that pleasure. A small smirk rose on his face and he looked beside his chair, opening his briefcase and slipping the papers inside.

"Is that all you needed sir?"

"No. I actually have your next assignment. I think you should be back to working speed now. You got your stitches taken out didn't you?" He didn't look back up, but continued to rummage through his briefcase, probably looking for my next set of papers.

"Yep, the doctor said everything is good. Healing faster than he expected." I sighed and ran a hair through my long blond hair. This was the last thing I wanted right now. Usually I'd jump at the sound of a job, but I just didn't feel up to it lately. Especially with what had happened today. I had a lot on my mind and I didn't want to spend my evening scouting out my next target. I would of loved to just go home and had a relaxing evening and maybe, called Matt.

"We don't know his name, just lucky enough to pick up on him. He's new to the scene, no one really knows who he is or where he came from. He's a sneaky little bastard and is in gun trading. They want to take him out before he gets out of control. The quite ones are always the most dangerous. All we have is a picture for you." Mr. Lynch pulled out one paper from his brief case. I furrowed my brows and grabbed it. This was different, usually they were great at finding information. I held the glossy paper out in front of my and studied the face. Short shaggy blond hair, big brown eyes. He looked familiar, like I'd seen him somewhere before. And then it hit me.

It was Mello.

My heart stopped and I did my best to keep my face composed and not give away any indication that I knew him. I could feel Mr. Lynch's eyes on my face, waiting for me to speak and if I wasn't completely calm and indifferent, he would instantly notice. That was another thing, he was great at reading people and picking up on the smallest of reactions.

I'd have to choose my words carefully.

Not looking away from the picture, I said, "is there a time limit or can I see if I can do a little investigating and find out some stuff about him?" I sat quiet, waiting for Mr. Lynch's response, which never came. I quickly glanced over the picture and Mr. Lynch hadn't moved, but his dark eyes stayed on my face, scrutinizing. Had I let something on? Was he suspicious already?

"I was not told of any time limit. But investigating would probably be best. See who he is working with." Mr. Lynch finally said carefully, his eyes narrowing the tiniest bit. I smiled and nodded my head, dropping the picture on my desk. "Is everything alright, Miss. Bricker, you seem a bit…jumpy."

I kept my face composed and aloud my smile to grow. "Just excited I guess. It's my first job since my last one. I guess I'm getting ancy." The lie came out easy and Mr. Lynch stared at me, before nodding his head and standing up, grabbing his briefcase. He headed to the door and I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking I was off the hook, but he stopped, his hand resting on the doorway.

"Now, just because you don't have a time limit, I don't want this one to go on finished. Let's give a two weeks, tops. And if it's not done within that time, I'll do it myself." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes and I couldn't help but pick up on a silent threat in his words. He knew I knew something I wasn't letting on and he didn't like the fact that I was hiding something.

"You won't have to, sir. I thought you knew me better than that."

He nodded his head, opening the door. "I know. Good day Miss. Bricker. I hope to have that paper work on my desk soon." And with that he disappeared leaving the door open. I glanced back down at the picture and Mello's brown eyes stared up at me, daring. It wouldn't be hard to find him, I already knew where he was and I could just walk into the apartment without being stopped. Easy access, trust already there, just taking the kill, I could do it…right?

Mello stared up at me from the picture and I shook my head. I couldn't do it because I knew him. Well, I didn't really know him, but I saw him do normal human things. I'd talked to him on many different occasions when I'd go visit Matt. He was usually the one who answered the door, face already fixed in a hate filled glare. He may of hated me, but I saw him do sweet things, even though he thought he was being sneaky. He took care of Joe and he would follow behind her a few steps away, arms out just incase she was going to fall over. How could he be someone that deserved to be killed?

I sighed and folded Mello's picture up and stood up from my chair. I had to warn them and find some way to get out of this.

* * *

The apartment was quiet, causing me to wonder if they were even home. I took a deep breath and brought a hand up, rapping it loudly against the door. It took a while but, finally the chains on the other side started to jingle. The door was pulled open just a crack and Mello's face came into view. He looked at me before a smirk broke out across his face.

"Is he really that irresistible or is Joe just that good at persuading?" I ignored his question and he shook his head pushing the door opened wider so I could come in. I brushed past him and walked quickly into the small living room, finding Joe sitting on the couch sipping coffee and watching Matt play some game on the small T.V. They both looked up over at me.

"Look, I'm sorry to come in unannounced but we have a problem." I reached into my pocketbook and pulled out the picture throwing it on the coffee table. Matt paused his game and looked over and Joe picked up the picture, Mello coming to stand behind her.

"Where did you get this?" Mello hissed, grabbing the picture out of Joe's hand. She looked up confused, her brow wrinkling together.

"My boss gave it to me. You're…my next target."


	11. Chapter 11 Joe's POV

For a long moment, I didn't really understand what just came out of Kimmy's mouth, but slowly my brain processed that she was supposed to kill Mello and it started to scream warning alerts at me to do something. My first instinct was to rush her, pin her down, and demand to know if she was followed. But with a closer look at her face, I found her cheeks flushed while the rest of her face was bone white and knew that she came alone, risking her own safety. My second instinct was to get up and start moving, start planning.

"You're an assassin?" Mello demanded, slamming the picture down onto the coffee tables top, crumbling it under his fingers before letting go, leaving it in a messy ball. I reached over taking it up and carefully unfolding it. It was the first picture I'd ever had of Mello. It was nothing compared to the real thing, but if anything were to happen, I wanted to keep this as a reminder.

"I was. . .I am. . .look I met you, I can't kill you, so I have to help you get away." She stammered, glancing nervously at Matt who was still sitting on the floor, his eyes trailing over the scene in front of him. I wonder if he caught me sticking Mello's picture in my back pocket. Probably.

"Your going to help us get away? Why the hell should we trust you?" Mello narrowed his chocolate eyes at her, making her squirm under her own skin. She looked at me, almost pleading to call off Mello. I stood up, pushing Mello lightly onto the couch, he tried to fight against me, but thought better of it and sat down.

"We can trust her. I went to see her today without anything to fight her with, she could of easily killed me and she didn't. She listened to me and she came here to warn us. If she went to all this trouble to tell us that people are out to kill you, why would she let us get away so it would be more work for her to find us again?" Mello stared up at me, his eyes searching my face, trying to process what I said. I knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to start fighting and throwing things around, breaking everything down in his path, and blaming Kimmy for everything.

"But. . .how. . .I was careful, I didn't tell anyone my name." This caught my attention and I turned my full attention on him, catching the puzzled look on his handsome face. His hands were shaking slightly, and I couldn't tell if it was out of fear or anger.

"What do you mean Mello? Who didn't you tell your name to?" He turned his face up to meet mine, and that's when I knew. The look on his face, the fear hidden in those swimming chocolate brown eyes. Guilt was stamped to his forehead. "What did you do Mello?"

"Joe, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you, but I couldn't. You were right, we needed money, and you weren't bringing it in anymore, so I had to do what I had to. . ." He stood up, his hands out like he was going to reach for me, but I took a step back. That small gesture was like a slap to his face and a look of hurt crossed his face.

"When were you going to tell me Mello?" My voice was quivering and I knew this wasn't the time for a fight, but I also knew it couldn't be avoided.

"I wasn't." He whispered, his eyes lowering to the ground.

"WHAT?! You weren't going to tell me that you were risking your life for something as stupid as money?!" I screamed in a shrill, panicked voice.

"You have no room to talk Joe! LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! If you'd just listen to me things like that wouldn't happen!" He snarled, glaring hard.

"Listen to you?! IT WAS YOUR FAULT. . ." I quickly stopped what I was about to say by slapping my hand over my mouth. Mello's eyes were wide and blank, his face as white as Kimmy's. "I didn't mean it. . .I didn't mean to say that Mello."

"Yeah, well you said it." He turned, marching off to our room. "Get your stuff together, we have to get out of here."

"Come on Kimmy, you can help me. They need to be alone for a little while." Matt stood up, motioning for Kimmy to follow him to his room. She stared at me for a beat longer before nodding, following after him.

I rushed to our room, seeing Mello standing in the closet, throwing his clothes angrily into an open suitcase on our unmade bed. He didn't pause to look at me, didn't even acknowledge my presence. I waited until all of his clothes were either scattered on the floor, or hanging from the suitcase. When he didn't come out of the closet, I walked over, peeking in to find him standing in the middle of a mess, staring up at all the hangers.

"Mello. . ." I whispered, causing his shoulder to tense up. He didn't turn to look at me, but I didn't really expect him to. What I said was wrong, no matter how mad I was, I shouldn't of said it. I walked into the closet with him, sliding my hands over his shoulders, coaxing them to relax. I slid my arms around his waist, pressing my head into the middle of his back, and hugged him softly. "I'm sorry."

"I know. . .I am too." He sighed, breaking my hold to turn around so he could wrap his strong arms around me, pulling me into his chest. "Come on, we gotta go."

I nodded, taking in a deep breath, the smell of chocolate filling my nose, and let go. It didn't take long for any of us to pack our things. We left what we didn't want anymore, took only what we needed, and wound up with two bags to each of us. Standing in the living room, just about to leave, the sound of footsteps came racing up the stairs to our room. Too many footsteps, too many people.

"SHE TOLD THEM WHERE WE WERE!" Mello shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Kimmy. He reached around, ripping his gun from his back pocket to point it an Kimmy but I reached out, grabbing his writs hard.

"Leave her alone, she didn't do anything." I growled, narrowing my eyes dangerously. He stared at me for a second before rolling his eyes, sighing and relaxing. I walked over to Kimmy, taking her wrist just as the front door blew in. I turned to Matt who was snapping the safety lock off his gun, and reached into his coat pocket, slipping his cell phone out with him noticing it.

"We're gonna split up!" I shouted and Mello turned to me, his face twisting up in worry. "Don't worry, we will be safe."

I leaned over, kissing him softly on the lips before shoved Kimmy it Matt's room. I lead her to the window with the in case of fires emergency stair case and pushed her to climb out of the window. Matt's door went fly off the hinges as two guys squeezed their way in, their guns pointed right at my head. I smiled before slipping out after Kimmy who was having a hard time on the shaky stairs.

"There's no time for that, JUMP!" I shouted and was surprised when she listened. She glanced over the railing to find a dumpster, and didn't think twice before slipping under the railing and into the trash. I quickly followed after her, helping her out of the dumpster and to one of the many cars Matt hot wired and stole. I jumped into a sleek black car that Matt loved to ride on crowded streets so he could zoom in and out of traffic. I found the two wires he showed me to use, and pressed them together, hearing the car roar to life. By the time the two guys had worked their way out of the window and half way down the stairs, I was screaming my way out of the alley and into the streets.

"Where are we going?" She asked breathlessly, and I was happy she said we and instead of just me.

"I know someone who can help us. . .I just have to find him."

*~*~*

It wasn't hard to find my brother's number, and it was even less harder to find his building. It was one of the many huge buildings in the city, but for some reason this one just seemed different from all the rest. Kimmy didn't ask any questions as we got out, rushing through the rain to the swinging doors. She had a fun time watching me jump through them while they spun around, but I ignored her laughs and lead us to the room he told me to go to. I knocked four times to let him know it was me, and I wasn't surprised when he opened the door.

He stood there, his normal baggy white shirt on, his faded jeans, and no shoes or socks. He looked at me through his shaggy black hair and a small smile slipped up his face before quickly disappearing. I threw my arms out, clinging to his thin neck and his arms awkwardly found a way to hug me around the book bag.

"It's good to see your well. . .who is this with you?" My brother leaned around me to glance at Kimmy who was staring openly, not even caring that L noticed.

"That Kimmy. . .she's a friend. I just need a place to stay for awhile, until Mello calls me and tells me where to go from here." I tried to explain, but L didn't seem to want to hear any of it. Maybe the idea of his little sister on the run, with a guy, was to much. Or maybe he just honestly didn't care about the details. I could never tell with him, but I followed him in anyway, leaving my bags by the door since they were wet from the rain. Kimmy quickly fell into step behind me as we followed my brother into a large living room. He fell down on one of the white couches, his knees drawn all the way up to his chest. I smiled, relaxing into the familiar-ness that my brother carried with him. No matter how many changes I went through, I could always count on my brother to stay the exact same.

"So tell me, Kimmy, how did you meet Josie?" I noticed how he used my nickname instead of my name and knew that someone else was here. I started to look around, scanning the room, but it looked normal. Just like any other hotel room, just a little bit nicer than the ones I'd stay in.

"It was really odd how we met." She flushed as L looked up at her, those dead black eyes staring long and hard before lowering back down to a cup on the coffee table. He started to take sugar cubes from a dish next to it, dropping them in one at a time, the little plop noise they'd make was the only sound in the room. Finally he took a long, forced drag of breath and let it out in a big whoosh.

"Sometimes the odd circumstances we are put in, always turn out to be the best." His eyes slowly lifted up to meet mine and I quickly looked away.

"You really believe that?" I asked, staring out the window that was basically a wall. The lights from the New York night glittered brilliantly, and I understood why L chose this place to live in. It was beautiful.

"Do you even have to ask?" I tore my eyes away to find him smiling childishly at Kimmy whose face was turning a deep red. I smiled at her, but she was to focused on L. My brother the charmer, and he did it in such a dorky way. I was about to say something when a white haired, will dressed man stepped into the room, pushing a cart filled with all kinds of fancy candies, cakes, and sweets.

"Oh my. . .I had no idea you had guests sir. I will go fetch some more tea." He pushed the cart near L who quickly snatched a strawberry shortcake from it.

"Thank you Watari. But Josie would prefer coffee." He motioned for Kimmy to help herself but she shook her head. Probably to nervous to get up and get something.

"Is there any special way you like it fixed Miss. Josie?" Watari smiled kindly, his kind old eyes hidden underneath his glasses. He reminded me so much of Mr. Whammy back at the orphanage, and I felt a pang on longing. I missed the old man, and all the sweet things he would do for me and my brother.

"No special way. Any way is fine." He nodded and turned without another word only to come back shortly after with a steaming cup of coffee and a cup of tea for Kimmy. I gladly took it, not wasting any time to let it cool, and took a big sip, enjoying the burn on my tongue. I caught L staring at me and set the cup down, knowing he wanted to talk.

"What have you been up to all this time?" I asked casually, knowing he wasn't interested in small talk. He brushed it off by turning the focus on me.

"I could ask you the same thing. But let's save that for another day." He glanced at Kimmy who had a dumbfounded look on her face. I knew she didn't understand what was going on, that she didn't know this was my brother. But that was better that way, the less people that knew, the safer I was. "I've been looking for a new hire to take over my position once I'm dead."

"Your not going to die, your not that old." He ignored me and lifted his thumb to his mouth, biting down softly.

"You didn't let me finish. I've been considering Near or Mello." My heart slammed in my chest. Mello against Near? That was impossible. Mello was brilliant, and so smart, but his temper always got in the way. There was no way L would pick Mello over Near.

"When will you tell them?" I cleared my throat, trying to hide the fact that this bothered me, but he caught on. He wasn't stupid.

"Soon." I nodded, picking up my cooled coffee and taking a long slip. "How long will you be here?"

"Not much longer." And as soon as I said it, Matt's cell went off in my pocket. I quickly fished it out, L giving me an aggravated look before turning his focus back onto a neglected Kimmy. While they chatted, I left the room, slipping into what looked like a bedroom, but was filled with computers of all shapes and sizes.

"Hello?" I whispered, hoping that Kimmy and L were caught up enough in a conversation to forget I'd left.

"Joe?" Mello's gruff voice growled into my ear and I smiled to myself. "Joe where are you?"

"I just found a place to hide in, it's no where. Did you guys find a place to hide?"

"Yeah, it's an old hotel a little out of the city. You need to come here now." I found a pen and notepad in the drawer of a dresser and scribbled down the address Mello rattled off to me before promising to be safe and come quickly. With the same notepad, I quickly scribbled down Matt's number for L and told him to call me sometime, leaving it on top of his laptop so he would find it. Leaving the room, I found a stuttering Kimmy and an amused L still waiting.

"Okay, looks like we will be leaving now. Thanks for everything." As Kimmy got up, leaving to find her bags, I quickly hugged my brother, kissing him on the cheek, and promising to visit soon. He didn't say anything, just patted my arm and picked his tea back up, not bothering to sip from it, just staring into the brown liquid. I hated to do this to him, cause I know we never saw each other, and it really bothered him, but Mello was waiting.

My brother would understand. . .he always did.

*~*~*

A few days later, Kimmy agreed to stay with us. It's not like she really had a choice. Matt took her back to her apartment to get whatever she needed, but she didn't come back with much. Apparently her boss had been there, trashed the whole place, looking for her and probably for us. Too bad for him, we aren't that easy to find. Since Matt's phone isn't listed, it's stolen, we don't really have to worry about them trying to tap a line. We refuse to use the hotel phone, and we only go out if we have to. But living like this will have to stop, and soon. I wanted to go and see my brother again, to talk to him without Kimmy just to know how he feels about everything. About me leaving, about how much I've changed. About his thoughts on Mello, and whatever it was that was going on between us.

"The damn T.V. is busted again." Matt complained, pressing buttons on the remote control. Like it would make any difference. I stared at the fuzzy grey screen, waiting for a picture to come back on, when Mello walked over, slamming a fist on the top of it.

"Stupid piece of junk!" He hit it a few more times, and when nothing happened, he growled and walked away.

"Bravo!" I cheered half heartedly and he sent a death glare my way, which I politely ignored.

"Maybe if we try unplugging it and plugging it back in?" Kimmy offered and Matt jumped up, racing behind the T.V. It went black before zapping back on to the same fuzzy grey picture.

"Did it work?" He called out but knew he didn't need an answer. Without any other sound than static it was clear it didn't work. "I give up."

"At least you tried and didn't just give up, unlike some people!" I called loud enough for Mello to hear in his room.

"SHUT UP BRAT!" Was all he had to say before going back to doing whatever he was doing in there. I sighed, shifting to reach into my back pocket, pulling out Mello's picture. It was from when he was little, he looked exactly the same as the first day I'd met him. I could tell it was taken at old Whammy's place because they took a picture of everyone to have on file, just incase runaways decided to leave. That was probably how Kimmy's boss got a hold of it. When me and Mello left. But they wouldn't have one of me, I was just a baby when I first came. I stared into those familiar eyes, still wild and filled with a million ideas I would never understand. Even back then he was always planning. He had a slightly crazed look on his face, one that I knew so well, but hardly ever saw anymore. I smiled down at him, getting ready to fold it back and put it away when it was snatched right out of my hands.

"You actually keep this with you?" Mello snarled as I jumped up from the couch, nearly knocking Matt over to get my picture back.

"Yes I do! Now give it to me." I shouted, reaching out as he swiped it up in the air. I growled, struggling to reach for it, but he had a good foot over me.

"I don't think I will." He teased lightly, holding it up to stare at a boy that no longer existed. "I look horrible in this picture anyway."

"NO YOU DON'T!" I shouted and he paused, staring down at me, seeing how upset I was.

"Why do you care about this anyway? It's only a piece of paper." He glanced back up, narrowing his eyes at himself before lowering it down. I didn't try to snatch for it, scared that I might rip it if I do.

"It's not just a piece of paper, it's you." His eyes widened for a second and he scoffed, handing me back the picture. I clutched it tightly to my chest, scared he'd try to take it back.

"Don't be stupid Joe. I'm not paper." He pushed past me, heading back into the safety of his room. The place he'd been spending most of his time.

"I'm not stupid for missing you when your not around." I mumbled, not bothering to turn and catch his shocked expression. I glanced down at the picture one last time, at the face of the boy I once followed around like a lost puppy. I would do anything he told me to, and believed everything he said to me. I missed him. . .a lot. Stuffing the photo in my back pocket, I walked off to my room, ignoring Matt and Kimmy's wide, curious eyes. Slamming the door, I threw myself on my bed, hugging a pillow tight to my chest. A couple of minutes later the door softly clicked open and someone slipped in, closing it behind them.

"I didn't know it meant that much to you." He mumbled and I didn't bother to turn and look at him. I just hardened my glare on the wall across from me, fighting back the urge to forgive him.

"It does. I want something to remember you by incase you leave me." I grumbled like a spoiled little brat. I sounded like one of those cry babies that whine when they don't get their way.

"I wont leave you, you know that." He mumbled walking over and sitting down on the edge of the bed. He lifted a hand and softly touched my side, trying to pull my gaze on him, but I refused it.

"How am I supposed to know that? What if someone finds you, and takes you from me. . .I just want something to hold on to for forever Mello." He sighed as I sat up, trying hard to glare at him, but it wasn't really working out anymore.

"I'm sorry I called it stupid. I didn't know how important it was to you." I nodded as he pulled my head close to his, kissing me softly on the forehead, hugging me tight. If only I'd known within a few short weeks how important that picture would be.

If only I'd known that the next call on Matt's phone would be for Mello I would of stopped him from going to visit my brother.

If only I'd known that would be the last time I'd see Mello smile for a very long time


	12. Chapter 12 Kimblee's POV

We hid out for a while in the old hotel and I was on constant watch. Mello was still wary of my motives, cautious, waiting for me to take the turn and bolt and go running to my boss and tell them where they had hid themselves. I don't know how I was going to have to gain his trust, but I knew Joe trusted me, she was ecstatic when she found out that I was going to be staying. It wasn't like I had much of a choice, my irrational thinking just had me put at the top of Mr. Lynch's hit list. He wouldn't be stopping till he found me and Mello, we were the first ones who probably ever escaped and made it out alive. I doubt he'd ever find us though, not with the way Joe was making sure we'd stayed hidden and we were all super careful.

The days seemed to start blurring together, nothing really exciting happening. It was mostly just sitting around doing nothing. Mello mostly stayed in his room, doing god knows what, he was doing everything he could to avoid me. Joe was back and forth, sitting in the living room with Matt who was glued in front of the TV, a controller in his hand, fingers moving frantically pressing different buttons. I always noticed he had an extra controller plugged into the small console, waiting patiently next to him. I knew what he'd wanted, he used to do the same thing when I used to come to his small shabby apartment where we used to just waste rainy afternoons. But I would ignore it and continue to read my book or just watch him kill random people on the screen. Then when ever he'd finish a level, he'd glance over at me and then at the controller, sitting lonely on the couch between us and then back at me. I'm not going to lie, I was tempted to just reach down and play with him, wanting to have it like old times, but for some reason, something just held me back and I'd find out later that it'd be something I'd regret for the rest of my life.

It was just another day of staying in this stuffy hotel room. Joe and I were sitting on the couch talking away, we both had steaming hot cups of coffee and Matt was sitting on the floor, right in front of the TV, a controller sitting next to him. His hair was slightly more disheveled than usual, letting me know that he never made it to bed last night, or the night before. I sighed and took a sip of my coffee, curling my legs up underneath of me. The rain was pelting the window outside and Joe was telling how she got mixed up with someone like Big Lu and how she got in trouble when they found out she was really a girl. She didn't say exactly what kind of trouble, but I noticed she gripped her coffee cup a little tighter and she seemed to get tense.

"I'm really sorry about that by the way. I wasn't going to stab you, but you were…just in my way and I really needed to get out of there." I said quietly a small smile finding it's way up to my lips. Joe laughed and shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of her coffee, taking big hefty gulps. I wonder how she did that without burning her tongue.

"I should say the same thing, I got you back too. I think I got you back pretty bad too." Joe smirked, placing her empty mug down on the small table. We sat in silence for a minute, watching Matt's little person running around wildly on the screen, holding two machine guns, firing wildly, people screaming and bodies went flying. It seemed like a very violent game.

"GOD! I can't take this anymore! I'm going out! Kimmy would you like to join me?" Joe jumped off of the couch, throwing her arms up in the air. She didn't wait for me to give her an answer, but quickly opened the door that lead to her and Mello's room, disappearing into the black abyss inside. I stood up and placed my coffee on the table and went towards the room that I shared with Matt, but his voice stopped me.

"Kimblee, what's today?" I glanced over my shoulder, staring at Matt for a moment, thinking and wondering why he would randomly ask that question.

"Uhmm…August third I think. Why, is something wrong?" I'd been here with everyone for a good month now, not necessarily locked in a hotel room with them, but when I'd used to come and visit Matt and it never seemed like any of them were concerned what the day was. It just didn't seem important to them. They had better things to worry about, like how they were going to get the money for dinner that night or what they were going to be having.

Matt paused the game and pushed his goggles up on the top of his head, causing his hair to stand up at odd angles. His blue eyes stared intently into mine and they sparkled with a mischievous glint. He knew something I didn't and I don't think he had any intention of telling me. Just as I was about to ask him why he was so interested in what day it was, Joe opened the door a scream coming from the dark room. She ignored the screams coming from the angry blonde man inside, slamming the door behind her. She rolled her eyes and then her eyes fell on my face and she smiled.

"Ready?!" I shook my head and quickly ran into my room, changing into a simple pair of blue jeans and a plain yellow tee. I didn't even bother to do anything with my hair, but threw it up into a ponytail and then I slipped on a pair of sneakers. I didn't leave the room right away, hearing excited whispers coming from the other side. Matt was telling Joe something and she seemed excited.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING EARLIER?" Joe whisper yelled and I slowly opened the door, but it creaked loudly, giving away that I'd entered the room. She turned around quickly, looking like was a deer caught in headlights. Matt just smirked, brought his goggles back down on his face, a smirk staying on his lips, before turning around and going back to his game.

"GOOD! You're ready! Let's go." Joe quickly ran over, linking her arm with mine, pulling me out the door. She threw it open and just as it was about to close she threw a goodbye to Mello over her shoulder and then we were gone, finally free, from the stuffy hotel room. Joe and I ran to the car quickly, hoping to make it to the car before we were complete soaked. The rain had started to come down heavier and I glanced up at the sky and grimaced at the dark menacing clouds. They didn't look too friendly and they didn't look like they planned on going anywhere. Joe didn't go to put a key in the ignition, but picked up two wires that hung freely under the wheel and slowly put them together, hoping for a good enough spark to get the car going.

"I don't know how Matt learned how to do this, but it does come in handy." Joe muttered under her breath and I couldn't help but smile. Memories of when Matt tried to teach me how to hotwire a car came flooding into my head. My parents were out of town on some business trip and I had to stay home because I "wasn't feeling well", or that's what my mother told all her friends, when in reality, she got a little mad and got a little carried away, forgetting to do better and hid the bruises. I was grounded and stuck at the house, not aloud to leave and no one was aloud to come in and this wasn't the first time this had actually happened to me, but it never seemed to stop Matt. He'd find a way to sneak in past the security guards on duty and show up without warning. I had no idea he was coming or how he even got there, he'd just climb into my window, most of the time falling in clumsily, but that was just because he wasn't that graceful of a person.

But he'd sit with me there all day until, the nurses would come in and give me my dinner. We'd most of the time wouldn't leave my room, but just sit there and talk and goof off, but there were those odd days when he'd get this look in his eye and a smile would sneak it's way onto his face and he'd stand up from my bed and walk towards the door. I still remember the way he looked, his hair was a mess, looking as if he'd just rolled out of bed (which he probably did most of the time), his eyes a foggy yellow, hidden behind those bulky goggles, and a smile on his face, daring me to follow him and I would. Every single time. We'd wander my house, doing little things that would piss off my mother, but not something that'd she know was me and then one day, he found the garage where my parents hid their many cars. When he saw all those cars there, just sitting not enjoying the sunshine, he'd get disgusted and quickly go running up to one of them, opening the door and sliding behind the driver's seat. I'd slowly follow and stand next to the open driver's door and I'd watch what he did., bringing the car to life without a key, but just barely connecting two small wires. After Matt found that room, that's were he took me everyday, until I was able to start the car on my own.

After Joe finally got it she laughed triumphantly, quickly turning on the windshield wipers and turned on her lights. She turned to me with a smile that was nearly her face and said, "To the mall?"

I returned the smile and nodded my head.

"To the mall."

* * *

We'd only been at the mall for about an hour when we realized how hungry we were since we didn't really eat before we left the house to come. So Joe and I agreed on a small café sort of place that was in the food court of the mall and served coffee. Joe was in the mood for a cup and was about to go insane if she didn't have another glass. Apparently, she didn't have her normal dose this morning because Matt had drank at least a whole container on his own, probably trying to stay awake and play that stupid game.

We sat there and continued to talk just enjoying our day out and glad to be away from the testosterone that clouded the house. It was amazing what to grumpy boys who didn't get there way could do. I know have a nagging suspicion that they could possibly be worse then girls.

"Matt is crazy about you, you know." Joe said out of the blue and I almost dropped my spoon in my bowl. I looked over at her with a raised brow and she smiled.

"Where do you get that idea? We're just friends." I quickly looked down, dipping my spoon back into my bowl and bringing it back to my lips.

"Haven't you seen the way he looks at you how determined he is to get you to play that stupid game with him! It must be pretty important if he drank all my coffee to stay awake." She stared at me, her bright blue eyes, completely serious and when she saw I wasn't totally convinced, she continued, this time her voice softer. "He used to tell me about you before he saw you again and I'd never see him really happy till, he talked about you Kimmy." Joe explained and then ate some of her own bowl of soup. I sighed and allowed my spoon to drop into the bowl, not even wanting to eat anymore.

"I don't know." It was all I could say, but I had seen all the signs. But it was just getting hard to believe. He was able to leave me once, how was I sure he wouldn't be able to do it again? He probably didn't get as attached to me as I had to him and I get that. I was just some girl that he used to waste his days away with. He never thought of it anything more than that. Joe sighed, probably growing annoyed that I didn't believe her, but maybe if she knew the reasoning, she'd understand.

She rolled her eyes and sighed, nodding her head. "You'll see one day."

We sat in silence for a few minutes and we both finished up our soup and she had about two more cups of coffee, before we were finally ready to leave. We started to walk towards the car, but then we noticed someone was standing close to it, expecting the license plate and then they moved to the windows peering in. Two alarms went off in my head, cop or someone who works for the agency.

"You see him?" I mumbled to Joe and she nodded, turning the other way and I quickly followed into step. She pulled out the red phone and checked the time. It was later in the day than I thought.

"You mind walking?" I shook my head, not thinking we really had another choice. It wasn't really that far after from where we have to go anyway. She slipped the phone back into her pocket and we quickly walked away, leaving the stolen car behind.

It didn't take long till we were out of the rain and back into the warm hotel room. It was quiet, which was odd, because you could always hear the gunfire coming from the TV in the living room and the sound of keys being pressed on a keyboard in Mello's room, but it was completely silent.

"Hello?! Boys we're back!" Joe called out happily as I dead bolted the door behind us. There was no reply and no real sound of movement. I looked at Joe and she looked back at me, slightly worried. We dropped our bags by the door, which were mostly groceries, and went racing looking for them. Joe instantly ran into her bedroom, throwing the door open and disappearing into the dark. Did they ever have a light on in there?

I went on to the living, knowing if Matt was anywhere in the house, he'd be there with the only TV that was around. And I was right, him and Mello were there. Sitting on the couch, completely quiet and serious. Neither one of them moved when I entered the room and I noticed Matt's game was paused and it didn't look like he got any farther than he had before we left. Which was odd for him, he usually wasn't on the same level for more than a few minutes.

"Hey, we're…um, back." I said quietly, wondering what happened while we were gone. Mello was the first one to react, looking up at me, his dark chocolate brown eyes, sad and tired. Then I think the words finally processed through his head and he jumped up.

"Where's Joe? She not come back with you?" He looked behind me, searching wildly and I guess I didn't respond fast enough, because he pushed me out of the way and disappeared into their room, closing the door softly behind him.

"Have fun shopping?" Matt smiled, stretching his arms high above his head. I could hear the sound of shoulders cracking. I nodded and sat down on the couch next to him, my mind still flying through possibilities of what had these two boys so quiet and tense. Matt dropped his arms, letting them fall beside him, putting one of his hands inches away from mine.

"Buy anything interesting?" He continued, his eyes were on my face and when I looked over I noticed his goggles were gone, not on the top of his head or hanging loosely from his neck.

"I bought you something." He raised a brow, his blue eyes sparkling. I smiled and jumped off the couch, walking down to the hallway where all the bags were left. I picked up the ones that I had and brought them to the living room. I laid the bag on the table, ignoring the shout that came from Mello and Joe's room. Those were becoming close to normal now and pulled out a light blue box. I handed it over to Matt and he grinned taking the box quickly.

He quickly unwrapped the plastic, looking like a kid opening a present on Christmas. He opened the top of the box pulling one out and putting it in his mouth. "Thank you so much Kimmy. It's been about fifteen minutes since I had one. I ran out." He mumbled around the cigarette as he leaned across the table, grabbing a lighter. I hold a hand up to his mouth and start the lighter, allowing the flame to touch the very end. After it was lit, he took a deep breath, exhaling the smoke behind him. A satisfied smile found it's way to his face.

"I didn't know which one you smoked, but I like the color of that box and the camel was cute on the front, so I got it for you. I thought you had to be running out since we haven't really left the house lately." He stared at me oddly before taking another drag and smiling. He flicked the ashes into an ashtray that was close to overflowing on the table.

"They're perfect." He brought the cig back to his lips and stood up from the couch, stuffing the carton into the pocket of his baggy sweatpants. He walked over to the front of the TV and plopped down, leaning against the coffee table and picked up the controller. He didn't say anything else, but kind of moved the second controller over, even though it was no where near him, drawing attention to it. I sighed and shook my head, getting up from the couch and leaving the living room. I heard Matt sigh and the sound of shooting filled the house again. I was tempted to turn around and finally play the game with him, but I didn't.

He could wait another day.

* * *

I noticed when I woke up the next day, that Matt never made it bed again. He was determined to finish that game. I sighed and slowly climbed out of bed, slipping on a pair of shorts. I slowly opened the bedroom door, my eyes squinting from the light. I gave them a moment to adjust before walking out and what I saw, was the last thing I'd expect to see.

Balloons covered the ceiling and a banner hung on the wall reading, _Happy Birthday Kimmy!:)_in giant green letters. I stared at the words in confusion. Birthday? It was my birthday? I continued to look around the living room, noticing Matt's game was turned off, the paddles rolled up and neatly resting beside the small console on the floor. I turned around and looked in the kitchen only to find Matt, Joe and Mello all standing there, holding neatly wrapped presents in their hands.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIMMY!" The all said together, only Mello's was less enthusiastic. I smiled, looking at each of them wondering how they knew. I don't think I remembered ever mentioning to them when my birthday was, hell I had forgotten myself.

"Thank you guys, sorry I don't look to excited. I'm just shocked. How did you know today was my birthday?"

Matt smiled and I noticed again, his goggles were no where to be found on his face. "I told Joe yesterday when you two went shopping." My heart stopped, he remembered my birthday. After all this time, he remembered something so small. Maybe what Joe said was right? Maybe. A smile slowly found it's way to my face.

"Yea, I'm sorry it's not much, it would have been better if the dumbass would of told me sooner." Joe smiled and handed me the neatly wrapped present that she had been holding in her hand. I took it carefully, smiling at Joe in thanks. I tore the paper away carefully and held up the white tank top in front of me. It had a soft blue lace around the top and the bottom. It was beautiful.

"Thank you Joe! I love it!" I gave her a quick hug and her smile widened more if it was possible. She seemed so happy lately. It was nice to see the change. I remembered when I first you used to come to visit, she always seemed so small and fragile. It was a nice change. She released me and looked back at Mello, he ignored her stare and stood there with a bored expression on his face. Her smile fell from her face and she glared, elbowing him in the stomach, causing him to grumble under his breath.

"Happy birthday Kimmy." Mello stuck his hand out and held out a super size chocolate bar, with a pink bow on it.

"Thank you Mello." I carefully took the chocolate bar from him, not wanting to piss him off by doing something wrong. He nodded and rolled his eyes, giving Joe a 'are you happy now' look. A timer buzzed in the background and Joe quickly ran into the kitchen opening the small oven we had. The smell of fresh cake filled the air as she pulled out something from the oven. I wondered how I didn't smell it before.

"I'm going to my room now. I wished you a happy birthday, but I really have to go now." Matt sighed and Mello looked over at him and they exchanged a look. I stared between the two, wondering what it meant. It had to of had something to do with what happened yesterday. Mello's jaw tightened and he shrugged his shoulder's and then he brushed past me, disappearing into the hallway.

Matt said something under his breath, before looking back at me, a smirk on his face. "Come here, I want to show you something." He grabbed my hand, I did my best to ignore the tingles that shot up my arm, and lead me to the living room, plopping me down on the couch. He released my hand when we sat down and placed a long box down on his lap. I stared at it in wonder, he caught me staring and smiled.

"Happy Birthday Kimbee." He slowly handed me the box and I cocked my head at him, before slowly lifting the top off the box. I drew in my breath and stuck my hand in the box, allowing my hand to touch the cool metal. My hands slowly closed around the familiar grip and I pulled it out of the box. It was one of my blades, after everything that had happened, I totally forgot about them. My other hand found the other one and I held them out in front of me, enjoying the way they felt in my hand again. They seemed shiner though, Matt must of cleaned them.

"Where'd you get them?" I smiled over at Matt, twisting them in my hands.

"I took them from you the first time I brought you over here after you were shot. Well, Mello took them actually. He didn't want you attacking us after you woke up. I guess we just forgot to give them back to you." He grinned and I laughed, shaking my head and then a thought came to my head. I glanced at the small console and then back at Matt, a smirk on my face.

"You wanna play?"

Matt's brow furrowed in confusion, before he nodded his head frantically, jumping across the table and started turning everything on. He tossed a controller over his shoulder and it crashed loudly against the floor in front of me. I laughed and placed the knives carefully back in the box and put the lid back on, before picking up the controller at my feet. Matt came flying back on the couch next to me, a matching controller in his hands. He glanced over at me and smiled, a cigarette hanging lazily from his lips, his messy red hair falling in his eyes. I returned the smile and reached a hand up, brushing the locks from his face so he could see.

He cleared his throat and turned back to the screen, but I could still see the red tint that rose to his cheeks. So we sat there, for a good hour playing the game that he had waited three days for me to play with him and I was mad I had waited that long. It reminded me of how easy everything used to be.

But then everything changed, the whole atmosphere in the hotel room changed. Something was missing, something that had always been there. Matt had been laughing and smiling one minute and then he just stopped, his smile falling and his blue eyes loosing that sparkle. He then stood up without warning and walked into the kitchen, but not before putting his cigarette out in the ashtray.

"Matt, what's wrong?" I paused the game and put my controller on the coffee table, standing up and following after him. Joe stood completely still not moving, an icing tube was gripped tightly in her right hand and icing was dripping on the floor. I stood in the door way, but Matt rushed in and loosened her fingers from the tube, and placing it on the table. She looked up at him, her blue eyes wide and scared.

"He's gone isn't he?" Matt didn't say anything but nodded his head, but I knew they were talking bout Mello. She gave a small smile, but even I could tell it was hard to do. She looked around the kitchen and her eyes fell on the cake. She picked up the small tube and squeezed it carefully over the cake, forming a small pink flower. She then turned around throwing everything in the sink.

She then picked up the cake and brought it over to me. She smiled, but her eyes were brimming with tears and I felt my heart ache. I took it from her and smiled. "Thank you Joe, it's beautiful." She nodded her head, trying to smile again. I shook my head and walked past her, placing the cake back on the table. She looked back, her head cocked to the side and her face confused. A tear managed to slip it's way down her cheek.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, wiping the tear from her cheek. Matt moved next to her quietly, wrapping his long arms around her and she buried her head in his chest. He looked over at me, his dark blue eyes sad and I could of sworn I saw a twinge of guilt and then it hit me. He knew Mello was leaving, that's what all those looks were for and the reason they were quiet in the living room yesterday. He knew everything. But he didn't say a word.

"It's okay Joe. He'll be back you know he will." Matt mumbled, kissing the top of her head. Joe didn't make any sound, her shoulders just shook with silent sobs. I slowly walked over and wrapped my arms around Joe too. And that's how I spent the rest of my birthday, holding Joe as she sobbed into Matt's chest and I couldn't help but think how much of an asshole Mello was.

* * *

A month had passed and there was still no word from Mello. Not a call, text, or even a letter. Joe hadn't really left her room and had been a mess since it all happened and it was making me hate Mello more and more every day. Matt and I had done our best to take care of her and keep her calm and happy. But nothing seemed to work, she was just off. She'd come out for a cup of coffee every now and then, but then quickly disappear in her room and not be seen for a few more hours.

"You know where he is Matt. You need to tell her. This isn't healthy." I glared at Matt and stood in front of the TV, blocking his line of vision. He had his goggles back, blocking his eyes. He hit a button on the controller in his hands and the TV. went silent behind me. He propped his elbow on his knees and let his head drop.

"I would tell her if I knew Kimbee, but I don't know. He didn't tell me anything, just that he needed to go see an old friend of ours named L." Matt didn't look up, but rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and I couldn't help but noticed he rubbed a little hard.

"Well, you have to know something of this friend of yours called L!" I whispered angrily, afraid if I talked any louder it would wake a sleeping Joe. Matt looked at me and shook his head and I sighed angrily, running a hand roughly threw my hair. I went to say something else when I caught movement in the corner of my eye. Joe was standing there, looking thin and sick, she smiled at us, but her eyes were dead and dull.

"You guys shouldn't fight. That's mine and Mello's job." She tried to smile again, but I noticed how her voice cracked when she said Mello's name. He really messed her up with leaving and there it happened again, my hatred towards him growing slightly more.

"We weren't fighting, just discussing." Matt smiled, lifting his goggles up on his head, pushing his hair so it stuck straight up. Joe shook her head, her curls bouncing around her face.

"I'm not stupid Matt. I know what fighting is. And I know why you guys are fighting and I don't like it. It's because of me." My eyes widened and I shook my head, opening my mouth to tell her we weren't fighting and especially about her, but she held up a hand stopping me before I could even try. "Go out, get out of the house. Don't worry about me. I'm fine."

"We can't leave you here alone Joe." I mumbled and her blue eyes looked at me. "We have a system remember. No one can be left home alone and no one goes out alone." She shrugged her shoulders again, pulling her blanket around her tighter.

"It doesn't matter right now. Please guys, go out and do something, or I'm going to be the one who goes." She pleaded and I looked over at Matt who stared at me, before nodding his head. She smiled again, but this one looked more dead then the last. "Thank you." She turned around and disappeared back into her room. I gave Matt one last look, before going into our room and getting ready. I had a feeling this was going to be a really bad idea.

* * *

Matt and I went to a park. It wasn't far from the hotel and it would be normal to be there on a sunny afternoon, even if it was early in the fall. Matt and I didn't talk much at all, but walked over to the swing sets and sat in two side by side. I went back and forth in mine for a while, my mind racing of what Joe was doing back in the hotel and hoping she wasn't going to do anything stupid.

"Kimmy, can I ask you something?" I glanced over at Matt, who was shaking a cigarette out of the carton. I noticed it was the same kind I'd bought him almost a month ago. He looked over at me, while he lit his cigarette. I nodded my twisted my swing so I was facing him. "What did you do after I left?"

The question threw my off and stared at him curiously, for a moment. Why would he ask something like that. I was hoping we'd be able to avoid the past since everything was getting better between us and what happened was just going to be avoided. I picked up my feet up off the ground and allowed the swing to go back to face normal. I thought about my answer a bit longer before saying, "I don't know. I was really sad and probably like Joe was now. I know it pissed my Mom off because I never came out of bed." I looked back up at him, squinting, the setting sun was bright today.

He nodded his head, looking down and taking a drag of his cig and then inhaling out puffs of smoke in front of him. He didn't say anything for a while again, leaving us in silence. I started to swing back and forth, enjoying the wind flying through my hair.

"You know I didn't leave because I didn't care about you right? I thought about you everyday after I left, wishing I could of brought you with me. But I can't explain to you why I had to drop everything and leave, but…I had to." Matt's tone caused me to look at him and again I noticed his goggles were off, allowing me to see those beautiful dark blues. My swing slowly came to a halt and I nodded my head.

"It's fine Matt. I wasn't mad at you. Just kind of at myself, because I'm not going to lie. I thought I pushed you away and you were bored with me, so you left. Or I annoyed you with my babbling, so you ran away." I smiled, trying to lighten the conversation and Matt returned it lightly. "Don't worry about the past Matt. It's whatever."

He sighed and stood up from his swing, flicking his cigarette on the ground. He held out a gloved hand to me. I stared at it, before smiling up at him and taking it. His fingers entwined with mine and we walked, hand in hand, strolling through the park. The silence was calming and we walked around for a good five minutes when Matt's phone went off. The Mario theme song, screaming from his back pocket. He looked at me and I looked back, eyes growing out. Only two people in the world know his number. Mello or Joe.

Matt quickly grabbed the phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. He didn't even have time to say hello before the person on the other side started screaming something at him. I stared at him, waiting for him to hear what was going on. And then I realized it couldn't be something good, when Matt dropped my hand and his eyes grew wide, his face went bone white. He snapped the phone shut, grabbed my arm and started to run off to the street.

"We have to get out of here and get Joe and move." His eyes scanned the streets looking for a car probably that he could easily steal and then his eyes fell on a white van that was hidden off towards an open alley way. He didn't waste anytime moving towards it. The doors were unlocked and Matt threw me in and I moved as fast as I could over to the passenger's seat. He didn't say a word, only hot wired the car and took of onto the street.

"Matt, who called you?" I whispered, scared of what his answer was going to be.

"Joe. He called her for help."


	13. Chapter 13 Joe's POV

Matt reached the apartment in no time, I knew they weren't far to begin with, but the wait from the call to the moment I ripped the van's door open felt like a lifetime. I flung myself into the back of the van, slamming the door closed as Matt veered the van into the street in a wide arch. No one said a word, there was nothing to be said. All I could hear was the constant hammering of my heart in my ears, it was almost as loud as the eerie church bells I kept hearing. Kimmy turned in her seat, her eyes wide, her face as white as her tank top. It was the one I'd given to her on her birthday. She really liked it.

"Joe, your crying." She stated and I viciously rubbed at my eyes, trying to stop the tears, but they kept on falling.

"Stop her before she hurts herself." Matt stated flatly and she nodded, twisting her body so she could slide over the seat into the backseat with me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and I leaned forward, laying my head on her lap.

"Calm down Joe." She whispered as she gently stroked my hair out of my face, pulling the curls out and making them bounce back into place. I quit thinking about how Mello sounded on the phone, how his voice was so distorted, crippled with pain, and how every time he'd start to speak, he'd make a painful grunting noise. It was the first time I'd heard his voice in a month. . .

"How is she?" Matt asked, but his voice was slowly being drowned out by the insistent bells that kept ringing, getting louder and louder.

"She's like a zombie." Kimmy sighed sadly. "She's completely shut herself down."

I felt the van slowly disappear from under me as images flashed, stain glass windows, colors littering the floor, pews lined evenly in endless rows. A tall statue hanging above, an angel with her arms outstretched, wings folded back, her eyes the same color as the milky stone she was made of. And then, as fast as I was in the comfort of my favorite getaway, I was being dragged from it by Matt. At first, he was talking and there was no sound at all. It looked funny for a little while, until he started pointing behind him, pulling angrily on my arm.

I slowly lifted my head to see a massive building smoldering in hungry flames. I sat up, sliding so my feet were touching the ground and I was standing. The angry roar of the fire was all I could hear, that and the occasional crumbling of another hunk of frame work falling under the weight of it's damage. I looked around, seeing the spindly frame work barely holding up, walls hardly standing, piles or rock, and metal, and wood scattered everywhere.

"It was an explosion." Matt growled out, and suddenly, I was snapped back into reality like a rubber band.

"Mello. . ."I let out in a breathless whisper, Matt and Kimmy didn't notice. They just let me walk closer to the mounds of rubble, probably thinking I was to out of it to actually do anything. "Mello. . .no, no, no, Mello! MELLO!"

I busted out into a full on sprint towards the fire, not caring what happened to me, I just wanted to find him and wanted to make sure he was alright. I wanted to take him back home, where he would be safe. I screamed as flames irrupted to my side, and Matt's arms slid around my waist, yanking me back hard. My legs kicked out from under me, flying up into the air, causing Matt to tip backwards, landing hard on his back, me falling just as hard on top of him. The air whooshed out of him, but the fight didn't leave me. I screamed, and scratched and fought against his hold until I'd almost completely worn myself out. When I stopped struggling against him, his hold became softer, all the way to the point where he let me sit up.

"Will you stay with us to look for him?" For a second, my thought processes was fogged up and I really didn't understand what he was saying, but slowly I realized that if I ran off to look for him, something might happen to me, and they'd be looking for two people instead of one. I nodded my head, it felt like it was made of bricks. "Good."

Rummaging around the rubble, calling Mello's name over and over, I found myself getting anxious with each second that ticked by. Each second we kept up this slow pace was another second Mello lost. I was starting to grow annoyed with Matt and his plans until he ran out from behind a wall that had still managed to stay up. His face was stark white under the thick layer of ash that had gathered and stuck to his sweat. I'm sure we all looked the same. His mouth opened then snapped shut just as quickly before he tried again.

"I. . .I think I found him." My heart was about to bust in my chest as I took off towards the wall, rounding the corner to find Mello. . .my Mello. He was propped up against the wall, somehow he'd managed to drag himself out of the fire and to a safe spot. In one hand, he hand his cell phone, still flipped open, the blue light coming off of it caused the fleshy wounds on his side to look even worse. In the other hand, he was holding a rosary up in the air, his eyes fixed on it. He didn't turn to see me, or Matt, or Kimmy, he just kept staring at the rosary with red beads. It was the rosary I'd given him one year when he asked about my beliefs. I'd shown him how to pray with it, and I gave it to him to try, but he just said it was stupid. That it was pointless believing in someone that he couldn't even see. I thought he'd gotten rid of the thing. . .but all along he'd kept it.

A silent tear slid down my cheek, and there was no point in even trying to hide it. The build up of ash on my face would be a dead give away. I managed a few shaky steps before I fell to my knees next to him. The closer I got, the more damage I could see. The left side of his face was completely melted, but his eye still seemed to be fine and working. The burn trailed down his neck and over his shoulder, down his chest and back. Patches branched off on his arm and legs, and I saw a few burns on his hand that still clung tightly to the rosary.

"Mello. . ."I whispered, trying to pull his attention away from praying for just a moment to try to get him off the wall, and to his feet. More tears slipped free and I had to swallow hard a few times before I could speak again. "Mello. . .it's me. . .It's Joe."

Still nothing, he just kept repeating the same thing over and over under his breath in a shaky, scared voice. "Please save me."

Matt was the one that got him to his feet. It wasn't really by Mello's choice, he was still clutching the rosary in tight fists, still determined to make sure he was saved, as we guided him through the fire. He was so transfixed on the cross, that he hardly noticed the flames. It was a good thing though, because I knew if he'd seen them, he would of freaked out.

Getting him into the van was even easier. He willingly complied to everything we told him to do, but he never stopped begging for salvation. I sat next to him, watching in amazing me as his hands started to bleed from clutching the rosary so tightly. The beads shook dangerously the closer he got to coming out of his hypnotic trance, and the second he did, it was hell.

The blood curdling screams for death is was really got me. Completely forgetting about salvation, he abounded his hope as quickly as he abounded me, and started pleading for death. I couldn't take it, especially when he turned his gaze on me, and I found nothing in his eyes but torment and pain, and he kept begging me to shoot him, to just kill him. I lost it, I started to sob heavy, body quaking sobs, and Kimmy had to shift back there with me to try and calm Mello down, but nothing seemed to work. He just kept screaming that he wanted to die. When he reached around, hunting for his gun, I completely lost it, screaming my head off, covering my hears, and balling up into the side of the van. I tried to out scream Mello so I could hear when Kimmy took the gun from him, and his squeezed the trigger, putting a hole in the roof, I tried to out scream him when so pressed her thumb into a burn to get him to clam down. I tried to out scream him while he laid back, moaning and groaning, half awake, half asleep. It wasn't until Kimmy grabbed my shoulders that I stopped screaming.

Getting Mello into the hotel was a lot harder than it was to get him into the van. While he was in his trance, he didn't notice the blistering pain, but when he'd snapped out of it, it'd all washed at him at one time, completely devouring the man I loved. He was desperate for relief, and kept begging and pleading anyone that came into his vision to just kill him. No one would listen to him, not until they got him into his bed room and hand him laying down. Matt left shortly after to get medical supplies.

I sat on the floor in the living room, between the couch and the coffee table. My knees were pulled all the way up to my chest and my arms were hugging them tightly. I'd long ago quit trying to hide the fact that I couldn't stop crying, and instead, sat there a sniffled freely. I was fine here, I was safe, I could barely hear Mello's painful, halfhearted moans from the bedroom, I was just fine here. But for some reason, Kimmy insisted on pulling me off the ground and into the bedroom. Right in the heart of the place I didn't want to be at. Mello still had the rosary clung tightly in his hand, but he was now wearing next to nothing, just his boxers.

"I need you to help me, do you think you can be strong enough to do that?" I stared at Mello who was withering on the bed, the white sheets already stained a sickly yellowish reddish color. The smell of burned and decaying flesh filled my nose. Why hadn't I noticed it before? Mello's eyes rolled open, hunting the room and landing on me. He held out the hand with the rosary, causing it to slip out of his hand. I reached out, taking it, and taking his hand in mine, holding onto it tightly.

"Mello, look at me. Please. . ." My voice was quaky, and I was barely able to get much out above a whisper. His eyes rolled over to meet mine. I wasn't quite sure if he was really seeing me, or just doing what I said because it was the easiest thing to do. "Mello. . .remember that time I tried to teach you to pray. . .you were so horrible at it." I tried for a shaky smile, but I wasn't quite sure how well that worked out. "You couldn't say a Hail Mary to save your life. . . . .and you got so frustrated, and you swore you'd never pray again. . .but I just laughed. . .cause you were always a hot head at stuff like that."

I swallowed a few times, trying to fight back the quiver in my voice. When I glanced over at Kimmy, she nodded her head to keep going as she eased in next to him. He'd turned his head in my direction, giving her a good view of all the nasty burns. I smiled again at him, taking one hand from his to brush back some of his hair from his sweaty brow.

"Do you remember that time. . . .at the orphanage. . .when you saved my life. . . . .it was the first time I'd ever seen you. . . .and you broke that nasty kid Carlen's wrist. He cried for a week over it. . . . .but you. . . . .you just let it go. . . .you didn't even laugh about it." I paused when I realized Kimmy had pulled out a pair of tweezers and was slowly pulling melted leather out of his burns. Mello didn't seem to notice, he just continued to hold my hand, and listen to me talk. "You were always so brave. . . . .I wanted to be like you so much. . . .you took care of me Mello, you gave me something to. . .to live for."

I had to look away when tears started to form in Mello's eyes. I'd only seen him cry one other time, and that was because I'd gone out and nearly gotten myself killed. I squeezed my eyes shut, getting a few more tears out until Mello's grip on my hand tightened and I turned back.

"Remember Near. . . . .how much you hated him. . . . .but he loved you. Oh god Mello that little boy looked up to you so much. I wonder what he would think of us now. . ..the mess our lives have become. . . . .you could of done so many great things. . . .if you just hadn't gotten tangled up with me." Mello wiggled his hand out of mine, leaving the rosary in my palm to touch my dirty, tear soaked cheek with his good hand. He softly stroked my cheek with his thumb, almost like he was trying to keep my clam.

"I wish I could talk to you like this more. . . .I wish I would of said the things that were on my mind instead of fight about it with you. . . . . .but it was just so easy to yell. . . ..and too hard to just tell you. . . . .you mean the world me Mello. . . . . . . . . . . . .you've become my everything. . . . . ."I smiled a little smile at him, and he returned it before Matt walked in the room. I took Mello's hand back in mine, holding it tightly while Matt gave him his shot. I continued to hold his hand long after he'd fallen asleep.

I left when Kimmy and Matt started to clean off all of Mello's wounds. It wasn't something I could take, and the smell coming off of him, and the night of mixed emotions was really starting to get to me. Stumbling into Matt and Kimmy's room, I ran to their bathroom, falling in front of the toilet in just enough time. Everything I'd eaten eerily drained out of me, and I was left shaking and sniffing on the bathroom floor.

A pile of Mello's burned clothes sat in the corner, probably where Kimmy brought them to throw them away later. Slowly crawling over, I moved his pants and vest to find a shiny gun, his favorite gun. My breath stopped as I stared at the sleek black gun, my fingers trembling as I touched it. Did I really want to do this? Mello made it look so easy to give up. . .so easy that even I could do it. Who would find me? Would Mello get mad. . .if he even lived to see tomorrow. . .

Taking the gun into my lap, I reached to my back pocket and pulled out Mello's picture. His young, happy face stared up at me. Would I ever see that face again? Would he make it to tomorrow so I could tell him what I've wanted to say all my life? I brought the picture up, kissing it softly before my eyes found the gun again.

I could do this. . .I almost did a while back before Matt found me. But that was back when all me and Mello would do was fight, and I lived in constant fear of what tomorrow had to bring. Was I scared now? Was I in pain? I couldn't even feel anymore.

But this would make me feel.

I brew in a long, deep breath, setting Mello's picture down in front of me. I refuse to live a day without him in it, and I refuse to sit by and watch him die so helpless and alone. Tears started to slid freely down my cheek as I took off the safety lock. Kimmy more than likely but it on after Mello's suicide attempt. Bringing the gun up, I stared down the barrel of it, completely amazed that I'd gotten this far. By the time the tip of the gun was pressing against my forehead, I was shivering and sobbing, my eyes squeezed tightly closed. I could do this, I could do this, I could-

The door flew open, banging against the wall with a loud crack and I screamed, throwing the gun on the ground as Matt engulfed me in a tight hug. The only way I knew it was him was from the smell of a freshly smoked pack of cigarettes still clinging to his shirt. I threw my arms up, squeezing his neck tightly and we sat there, holding each other on the bathroom floor, crying.

"I love him Matt! I love him so much!" I screamed, digging my nails into his back.

"I know. . .I know." He sniffed, pressing his face in my hair before pulling me up to my feet. "I know you do Joe, but you can't do that."

"I love him. . ." My voice was so small, so broken and weak. I searched Matt's unreadable face. There was no sign of emotion on it, no forgiveness, no understanding, nothing. It was like he couldn't feel a thing either. "I love him."

His red rimmed eyes narrowed for a second like he wanted to yell, but then he just shook his head and sighed. Picking up the gun I'd tossed across the bathroom floor, he removed the bullets, stuffing them in his pocket before the gun followed after them. He turned back to me, taking my arm and dragging me to the bath tub. Stepping in, he turned the water on, drenching me clothes and all. He left for a couple of seconds, leaving me standing there lost in my own thoughts before he returned with a towel and a pair of his old sweats and a black tee-shirt. He walked out, standing in the doorway with his back turned while I dried off and dressed. Once I was finished he pointed towards the bed, and I laid down, pushing my face hard into a pillow.

He sat across from me in his old computer chair, his eyes glued to the spot where I'd held the gun up. I'd been so close to pulling the trigger that when he slammed the door open, I actually thought I had. I shivered at the thought, squeezing my eyes shut to block the image.

"It would have been different had it been him to find you like that." He stated softly and I opened my eyes, finding him sliding off his gloves. "If it were him, he probably would of lost it. I know I wanted to."

When I didn't say anything, he glanced to make sure I was listening before he rolled up his sleeves. "I'm getting tired of finding you in situations like that Joe. . .I'm starting to get worried about you."

Rolling my eyes, I turned away from him. He had no room to speak. I'd seen those marks on his arms a hundred times since that first time. Those burns got a little more worse ever time he put out a cigarette on his arm. Those cuts a little bit deeper every time something bad happened.

"At least I don't wanna die. I have boundaries, but you. . .your dangerous Joe. Think about how he would of felt in the morning when I had to tell him that I'd just spent the whole night cleaning up his girls brain off the bathroom wall. Think how he would of felt knowing that the one person that ever loved him killed herself because he was in an accident and wont ever look normal again."

I shot up, my eyes narrowing on him. "It's not about-"

"Don't be stupid Joe. I saw the picture. You want him to look like that, we all do, but he'd not going to. This is him now and you have to be strong enough to handle it!" I shut my mouth, realizing he was right.

He pulled out the light blue carton of Camel's. His new favorite brand, and pulled the last one free. Lighting it, I watched him as he took a long drag, the end eating it's way closer to his lips. Letting out the smoke in a huge billowing cloud, I watched as he balled his hand up in a tight fist, bringing the cigarette down right in the bend of his arm, the whole time never taking his eyes off of mine. I swallowed hard, wanting to say something, but knowing I couldn't because more than anything, I really wanted to do the same thing.

Weeks rolled by, but I could hardly keep up with time. Kimmy and Matt each took turns on 'watch duty'. Basically, after Matt told Kimmy of what I'd almost done, they were on high alert, and determined to keep me alive no matter what. I couldn't really blame them, they were fighting so hard to keep Mello alive, I was just another burden on them. I stayed out of their way for the most part, I didn't put up a fight when they told me I couldn't see Mello that day, and I kept myself relatively busy around the apartment. The only thing I refused to do, was go out for air. I was scared that if I left for even a second, Mello would die on me. Even though there was no chance of that happening, the thought scared me enough to keep me inside.

Laying on the couch in the living room, I watched as Matt played his video game. The little guy with blue hair jumped all around on weird looking things, chopping at even stranger creatures with a funny looking sward, and saving the day one level at a time. It was entertaining watching how quickly he got through a level, and even funnier when he'd die and the little guy would make this high pitched wailing sound. For such a beefy character, he had a strangely squeaky voice. After a few hours of watching him nearly win the game, Kimmy came out, a pleased smile on her face. Matt instantly paused the game, jumping up to run to her. I slowly sat up, realizing something had changed from the time she'd gone in there to the time she'd left. Matt and Kimmy whispered to each other before Matt turned, a spark in his eyes that hadn't been there for a really long time.

"Joe. . .Mello talked to Kimmy. He wants you to remove his bandages for the last time." Matt smiled a little and Kimmy leaned out from behind him, a wide smile on his face.

"What? He's all better?" I whispered and they both nodded together, looking like twins.

"Yeah, he wanted you to do it for him instead of me this time." Kimmy beamed brightly and I shot up, running to Mello's room. At the door I paused, my hand shaking above the knob before I just grabbed it, pushing it open to find Mello sitting up on the edge of a freshly made bed. His back was turned, and he didn't look up to see me come in. He just knew. Closing the door tightly behind me, I pressed my back against the wood, waiting for him to say something.

"What are you waiting for?" He growled, but it wasn't as mean as it normally would have been, he almost sounded happy that I was there. I smiled a little, pushing off the door and cautiously making my way towards him. As I was about to turn the corner of the bed to see him, he stopped me with his hand. "Wait. . .you have to promise me something first."

"Anything." I breathed out, just wanting to see him again.

"Don't be scared of me when you find that I'm not the man you thought I was anymore." He turned the good half of us face toward me, his eye almost pleading me to understand, and I nodded, walking over and kneeling in front of him. With shaky hands, I softly peeled off the layer of bandages on his chest and shoulder, working them off on his back. I pulled the small band aids off of his arms, and slowly unwrapped his hand. For a moment, I paused, staring at all the scars that littered his body. He watched me as I reached out, letting my fingertips graze the path on his chest. It was rough and smooth at the same time, and warm. Almost like the fire was still trapped under his skin. With steadier hands, I slowly pulled the strips off of his neck, gently lifting the bandage that covered the left side of his face. Sitting back on my heels, I took in a deep breath, his eyes watching me reaction very closely.

"You can't stand the way I look. . .I'm a mon-" I cut him off by taking his face up in my hands, slowly rising so I was standing over him.

"Don't you dare even think of finishing that sentence." I warned. He swallowed, his dark eyes locking on mine. "Don't you ever say that about yourself."

He lifted his arms up to softly squeeze my wrists and I sat down on one of his legs, not once taking my hands off of his cheeks. I smiled at him, pushing his hair back behind his ear and he smiled back, taking my hand in his. I pressed my forehead to his, instantly feeling the difference of the rough scar and the baby soft skin, but for some reason, it didn't bother me. He lifted his face, his nose brushing mine and I filled in the gap between our lips, missing how good it felt to kiss him. His other arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer, and we stayed that way, lost in each other, my hands exploring the new skin he wore, his struggling to remember mine.

After a few minutes, I pulled away, staring at those melted honey eyes that I loved so much. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to spill everything that I couldn't say before, but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. I couldn't tell Mello every thought I'd ever had of him, couldn't let him know how every time I saw him, it felt like everything just made sense.

I couldn't tell him I loved him.


	14. Chapter 14 Kimblee's POV

"We can't stay here much longer, Matt." He didn't bother to look away from the screen, his little person was doing crazy flips through the air, dodging bullets and people who were coming at him from all directions. I think he was finally close to the end of the game. His fingers continued to fly against the controller and he ignored what I said, too enthralled in the game he was playing. "Matt, I'm serious. We've been here way too long and I've noticed people outside. They're watching and waiting, collecting information. They found us."

Matt paused his game and picked up his lit cigarette that he had waiting in his ashtray and brought it up to his lips. He took a long drag, the end of it lightly up and slowly ate away at itself. He exhaled a large puff of smoke and brought the stick to his mouth again, taking another drag. "Have you told Joe or Mello yet?" I shook my head and he violently stabbed the cigarette in the ashtray. I almost told Joe, but she was slowly getting back to herself and I didn't want to have her worry about anything else. I was worried about her, especially after what Matt told me she tried to do.

"I didn't want to worry them with anything else. They've already been through so much." I whispered, afraid that they would hear us talking about them even though I knew they were asleep. It was after two in the morning and the two of them disappeared behind their door hours ago.

"We'll they have a right to know, since we're going to have to leave apparently." He sighed, pulling his goggles off his head and threw them on the table. He rested his elbows on his knees and let his head hang. He brought a gloved hand and ran it through his tangled, messy red hair. "How long do we have?"

I shrugged my shoulders and sat next to him on the couch, folding my legs underneath me. "I dunno, I wouldn't wait more than two days though. I noticed them out there yesterday and I doubt they'd wait too long." I grimaced, wondering how they had found us so soon. It was the last thing we really needed right now, especially since I had just gained Mello's trust and it was probably about to crumble right after he found out that my old colleagues were outside, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

"Okay, we'll go tomorrow then." Matt yawned and leaned back, resting his head on the back of the couch. "Anywhere in mind where we can go, where they can't find us?" He turned his head so he was looking at me, his face had an eerie glow in the TV light.

"Out of the city I guess. Probably would be better to leave the country, but that'll probably be pushing it. Especially, since Mello's not full recovered. He thinks he is, but he really needs more rest." I sighed and leaned against the armrest of the couch, letting my legs stretch out and rested them on Matt's lap.

"He's stubborn, he'll do what he wants. But I'm sure we could find a place in the country. Joe's good at finding places; seems she has hideout in every town we go too." Matt muttered, lifting his head up from the back of the couch. He stared at the TV for a minute and I could of sworn I saw his eyes close and his head drop, like he was going to sleep.

"You're tired. Why don't you go to sleep? You haven't slept in about a week Matt, that's not healthy. Actually, I don't think you've really slept since we've gotten here." Matt looked over at me, his eyes getting heavy.

"I'm not tired and I have too much on my mind to sleep right now." I rolled my eyes and threw my legs off the couch and stood up. I stepped in front of Matt and he looked up at me and I could really notice the bags under his eyes. I grabbed his hand, pulling him up off the couch and he surprisingly let me. I pulled him down the small hallway and into our small room. It was completely dark, but I was able to find my way to the bed easily. I placed my hands on Matt's chest, surprised at how toned it felt under the soft shirt he was wearing and pushed him back until his knees bent, causing him to sit down on the bed.

"If you wanted me to sleep with you Kimbee, all you had to do was ask." He whispered and I could hear the smile in his voice. I rolled my eyes and walked away towards the door. I heard the bedsprings creak, letting me know he laid down.

"You can only dream Matt."

"I already do." His laughed followed me as I went back to the living room. I turned off his little game, but not before I saved so he wouldn't loose his level and rolled up the controller, setting it neatly on the floor. I cleaned out his ashtray and threw away the empty carton of cigarettes and did the dishes that were left in the sink from dinner, before slowly going back to my bedroom to go to sleep for the night.

Matt was out cold once I made it back into the bedroom. He was lying flat on his back, one arm was hanging off the bed and the other was stretched straight across, his fingertips barely reaching the other side. His head was bent at an odd angle, barely on the pillow. I couldn't help but smile and walked to the other side of the bed and stared at his arm. I didn't want to wake him up, but I also didn't want to lay on his arm and end up putting it to sleep. So I did my best to move it carefully, without jostling it too much, to where it would wake him up and as I was moving it, his leather glove slipped off, showing his exposed skin. I really couldn't see what was on his hand, but I felt it. It wasn't smooth, like I'd always thought it was under his gloves, but the skin was raised in some parts and in others it was rough and rugged, like Mello's burns. I flicked on the light on the light stand and looked over at Matt, but he didn't wake up. He was in that deep of a sleep.

I picked up his hand again and examined it in the light. There were scars covering his hand, along with fresh wounds. There were burns, scratches, and cuts. My brows furrowed together as I aloud my hand to trace a long one that went from the knuckle of his middle finger all the way down to his wrist. It was a light pink, letting me know that it had just fully healed. I pushed up the sleeve of his long shirt and the scars continued, worsening the more I went up his muscular arm. The further up his arm, the harder it was to find skin that wasn't scared and I was pretty sure it was probably the same on the other side. I rested his hand in my lap and looked back at his sleeping face, wondering where they had all come from. People just didn't have scars going up their arms from nothing. Especially new ones that blended in perfectly with the rest.

Then it hit me.

He did them.

Every single one of those scars, he had did to himself for some reason. I looked back down at his hand and my vision went blurry as I stared at the pink skin and I picked up his hand once more and stood up from the bed and let his hand fall back down on the mattress. I didn't bother to turn the light off, but left the room, and tried to push the images out of my head. I walked to the living room and sat down on the couch, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I squeezed my eyes shut and images of Matt's hand and arm filled my head, so I squeezed my eyes shut trying to push them away.

"Kimmy, are you okay?" My eyes snapped open and I looked over towards the hallway and Joe stood there, a glass in her hand. I tried my best to smile and nodded my head. Her eyes narrowed and she took a step toward me, placing her glass on the table. "You don't look okay…what's wrong?" She sat down next to me on the couch and I had to look away from her stare. I couldn't tell her what I found out, because she would probably say something to Matt and he had done his best to hide it. No one probably knew and I had found out, without meaning too. I didn't need to say anything, because she would probably tell Mello and then that would lead to a catastrophe. One that I could easily avoid.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking that's all." I tried to smile again, but Joe wasn't buying it.

"About what? You look like you're about to cry." She reached out and rested a hand on my arm and I saw the scars on her arms. They weren't as bad as the ones on Matt's arm, not as deep or bad. They were just scratches on her arm and I wondered if she did them to herself too or if it was from working for Big Lu so long. It wasn't the first time I had seen them, but I never really thought anything to them. I always thought they were from working, but after seeing Matt's arm, I wasn't so sure. Her eyes followed my stare to her arms and she pulled back. "Oh. You found them."

I looked at her, confused and she smiled at me sadly before looking down at her arm. She lifted her other hand and let her hands trace over the scars, barely touching them. At first I thought she was talking about herself, about her own arm, but then she turned towards me, her face dark in the limited light, all I could make out were her bright blue of her eyes. "I'm not the one who could probably explain them to you. Wait here." She started to stand up and I started panicking, thinking she was going to get Matt. I couldn't talk to him yet, I still hadn't processed what I saw in my brain. I was still hoping it was just a dream and that they weren't really there. Matt wasn't like that, he was happy and a smartass. He never cared about anything, nothing bothered him. So how could he do this to himself and how could I never notice? I quickly grabbed her arm, before she got out of my reach.

"Please don't go get Matt." She didn't pull her arm out of my grip, but sat back down on the couch, eyeing me strangely. I slowly let go of her arm and wrapped it back around my knees. We sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of us having anything to say I guess. I had some things to say, but I couldn't form the words. She probably thought I was disgusted by what Matt did, but I wasn't. I just wanted to know why, but at the same time I didn't.

She stood up one more time and I stared up at her, with wide eyes. "I'm not going to get Matt, I promise." She quickly assured and I sat there and watched her go, disappearing into the dark hallway. She came back a minute later, Mello walking next to her. He didn't seem to thrilled to be here, but trudged on in anyway, holding tightly to Joe's hand. She pulled him into the room and sat them down on the couch. I scooted down a bit, making room for all three of us.

Joe took a minute and explained to Mello all that had happened and he didn't say anything but grunt at a few parts. He was silent after she finished talking and I had a sinking feeling that set in my stomach, that he thought the same thing, that I knew Joe was thinking. I was a disgusting little brat.

"What do you think about them?" His voice caught me off guard, along with his question. I hadn't really thought about them, I just knew, I wasn't happy with them. I wanted to know that they weren't real and that they were just from fighting or rough housing, or even cooking. I wanted to know that he didn't do that to himself.

"I don't know." Was all I was able to say.

"He's done that since I've known him. Which, trust me, is a long time. He does his best to hide it, but once you find out, he won't bother to try and hide it anymore. I don't really know why he does it, but you can't stopped him. I tried once and…it only made it worse." Mello's voice was low, nothing more than a light murmur and it was hard to make out what he was really saying. But what I was hearing, couldn't be true, it wasn't. I wouldn't believe.

"No. You…you don't know. Matt…wouldn't do this to himself. He…couldn't. He doesn't care about life enough, to do that whenever he got sad or mad." I tried to swallow the lump that was beginning to form in my throat and ignore the stinging that had started in my eyes.

"Why do you think he's so happy, Kimblee? He's had a lot of shit that's happened in his life, but he acts like nothing bothers him. The cigarettes only can do so much for him. He doesn't want anyone to worry about him, so he does something that he knows will keep it at bay for a while." The tears started to fall down my cheeks and I couldn't make them stop. It just still didn't make sense. The Matt I had hung around with for years, days and nights, and I had never seen him do anything or even indicated that he did.

"He's not going to kill himself Kimmy, I can promise you that." Joe whispered and she wrapped her arms around me in a hug. "He just needs a way to deal with things, we all have our own. Matt's just isn't that healthy." I didn't reply, just laid my head on her shoulder and continued to cry silently. Mello left not shortly after that, his silent footsteps and the close of a door softly behind him.

And that's how I spent the last night we spent in that small hotel, sobbing on Joe's shoulder, wishing there was something I could do, but knowing there was nothing like Mello said. Matt had to do help himself.

* * *

Joe's friend had a cabin out of the city and in the middle of no where. It was still in New York, but more towards the mountains, it would be a good break from the city. And she was more than right. We left early in the morning and Matt drove the van that he had stolen they day we went to save Matt. I slept most of the way there, since I really didn't get much the night before. It took a three hours to get there, but the drive was worth it. The cabin was gorgeous, it looked like something my parents would rent for a summer vacation. It was a two story cedar wood cabin and one whole side of the house was nothing but windows. There was a small path way that led up, flowers lined the side and we could see a swing set in the back yard from where we stood. We all just kind of stared at awe for a few minutes, wondering how we went from crappy hotel rooms and apartments, to something like this.

"Joe?" Matt questioned, taking a drag from his cigarette before throwing it down on the ground and stomping on the butt with his boot. "Who the hell is your friend?" Joe smiled and shrugged her shoulders, before picking up her bags and walking up the walkway that lead to the house. Mello followed after her, a hood over his head, hiding his face.

"I think I know what friend she called." Matt glanced over at me, raising a brow, intending me to continue. "I just met this guy that she took us to the day I came to the apartment and my boss came storming in and then Joe and I ran out. Well she took us to this guy and he was living in this fancy apartment. He had money. I'm just guessing though." Matt stared at me for a moment, letting what I said just sink in. He didn't say anything for a minute, before nodding his head, a strange look on his face.

"He's a nice guy then." He grinned and then picked up our bags and started up the steps and I followed after him.

Hopefully things would only get better from here.

The cottage was just as beautiful on the inside, if not more. There were seven bedrooms, three upstairs and four down, all fully furnished with a king sized bed and plasma screen TVs. Not to mention each room had their own bathroom, with big tubs and showers, double sinks and big cotton towels. It was really, really nice, but it just didn't seem right to be there and I don't think I was the only one who felt that way. Everyone ignored the second story, it wasn't necessary to use, and we didn't have that many people. There were only four of us and seven rooms was a bit too much, so we stayed downstairs. We never really used any of the TVs, except for the one in the living room, where Matt already had his small console hooked up, instantly glued to the screen, his bags right by the couch, including mine. Mello would occasionally use his TV in his room to see what was going on around us, but that wasn't even very often.

Joe stayed in the kitchen. I really don't think I ever saw her smile so big, especially lately. She spent most of her time in there, cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And even if she felt up to it, she'd bake something for desert. It was usually something chocolate, or to that persuasion. Everyone seemed to enjoy the place a lot, but it just seemed odd being here. Maybe it was because we didn't have to work, none of us, we didn't have to leave the cottage. We could just relax and it seemed, that was what some of us needed the most, especially Mello and Joe. Mello didn't have to worry about going outside, no one would see him or say anything. Not that he did, but he could if he wanted to.

One other thing that changed drastically after coming to the cottage was that Joe would go out. A lot more. She'd go out alone and say she was going grocery shopping or something like that. But I knew she wasn't, because when I'd offer to go with her, she'd instantly say no, sometimes a little too quick. I'd give her a funny look and she'd smile quickly, coming up with some quick excuse that I didn't have to worry about it and that she wouldn't be gone long.

But she would.

She'd be gone for hours sometimes and Joe never was late. Ever.

So, what was she doing that was so important that she would lie to all of us and break her own rules?

Or was I the only one that was suspicious of what she was really doing?


	15. Chapter 15 Joe's POV

The sun that filtered through the open window hit Mello's hair just right, bouncing off the golden waves to illuminate his sleeping face. I held my breath as I watched his lips part slightly, his eyebrow's twitching in a dream. He was so completely beautiful that for a moment I'd almost forgotten about the burns completely. They almost seemed to have disappeared and the same strong faced, stubborn, narcissistic boy was still there. But then my eyes caught the sharp edges of the burns, reminding me that he will never be normal again, and the air rushed out of me. He was still just as beautiful, but damaged beyond a point of repair. Nothing in this world could fix the damage that had happened to him.

Reaching out, I softly brushed my fingers against his normal cheek, enjoying the warmth that I drew from just a touch. I wonder, in his light sleep, did he know it was be touching his cheek. And almost as if he was reading my mind, his arms slid around me, tightening his hold on me, and pulling me closer to him until I chests were touching. His dreamy eyes slid open, still foggy and unfocused from sleep, and he smiled a crooked smile my way.

"Good morning." I whispered, stroking his cheek softly with my fingertips. He seemed to enjoy this because he didn't say anything, didn't try to push me away, just laid there and stared at me like I was a piece of gold, or chocolate. It was flattering really.

Pushing his face up, his lips caught mine and he kissed me softer than he'd ever kissed me before. It was strange, how he was acting, and I knew it was because I'd gone missing so many times this week. He was desperate for my attention, clung to me when I was around, apparently talked about me when I was gone. He was locked in his room for most of the time, it was all Kimmy and Matt could make him do to keep from going insane. I knew they didn't care to hear about me, I didn't care to hear about me. But Mello was lonely, and growing more and more agitated everyday. I was going to have to get him out of the house, and soon.

"Are you leaving again?" He asked when he pulled away, his eyes awake now. They swam like honey and melted chocolate, and I felt myself wanting to dive right into them.

"Yes." I whispered and he sighed, glancing away. I knew it made him sad when I left, but he had to understand I had to get out. I had to go see my brother. "I'm taking Kimmy with me today, to give you and Matt some guy time. How does that sound?"

"Boring." Mello scoffed, rolling over on his back, flopping his arm out across the length of the bed. He rolled his big brown eyes, staring up at the ceiling with a longing that almost hurt to look at. "I think it would be better spent with you."

"Mello. . ."I sighed, shifting so my head was resting in the warm patch of scars lining his thin body. He breathed in deep, his heart rate ticking up a little faster, and I smiled, enjoying how this felt. It felt right. Real. "I want to spend all the time in the world with you, but Kimmy needs to get out. And you and Matt need to hang out really bad."

"We hang out everyday." He complained, bringing his arm back over to stroke my hair.

"Not really. You hide in your room, he'd glued to the T.V. You need some guy time to do guy stuff." He snorted. Wow, how mature.

"What do you know about guy time?" I rolled my eyes, sitting up and glaring down at him. I was wearing his favorite baggy black tee-shirt, so I had to pull it down a little to cover some of my thighs. His face flushed at this slight action and I didn't want to know what was running through his mind.

"A lot more than you do apparently. Now just hang out with your friend. I'm sure he misses you a lot." Mello pouted and I smiled, leaning down and kissing his lower lip that was sticking out. It was so adorable, I couldn't resist. His hand slid up to the back of my neck, locking me in place while his mouth took over. I didn't fight it, instead enjoyed it. It felt good to have Mello back, to having him kissing me like I was breakable at times, and completely irresistible at others. It felt good to have his strong, calloused hands rubbing my leg softly, or stroking my arm seductively. It just felt good to be completely surrounded by Mello.

"We should stop." He whispered, leaning his forehead against mine. Somewhere in the middle of this kiss, he would up sitting up with me, devouring my lower lip.

"But I don't want to." I whispered back, bring my hands up to press firmly against his chest. I didn't realize that he had next to no real balance and went toppling on top of him, both of our faces a bright, cherry red. "Yeah, maybe your right, we should stop."

"But I don't want to." Mello teased, his arms circling around my waist, and I giggled, pushing away from him.

"Okay." I sighed, his eyebrows lifting up as we sat straight up again, fixing ourselves.

"Okay what?" He asked, his eyes flashing almost mischievously , and something in my stomach started to burn. He looked just like he used to when we were young, only a lot older, and a lot more attractive. With or without the burns, he'd always be attractive to me.

"Okay, we don't have to stop. . .we will pick up right here later." His mouth fell open and I laughed, kissing him on the cheek before racing off to the bathroom. It was good to see Mello acting like himself again. I missed him. . .more than a lot.

Sliding out of the bathroom, dressed and ready for the day, I found Mello sitting up in bed, a laptop poised on his lap, his fingers rapping away at the keyboard. I walked over, the heels of my boots giving me away instantly, and kissed him gently on the cheek. He knew I was about to leave, so he didn't really pay me much mind, just kissed my cheek back and mumbled a quick good-bye. I said my own and walked out of the room, leaving him to whatever business he was so intent on taking care of. Lately. . .that computer was all he was focused on.

Stepping into the living room, I was happy to find Kimmy dressed and ready for the day, brushing through her hair while she watched Matt's fingers drum happily on his little controller, completely thrilled to be up early and playing the day away.

"Kimmy, do you wanna go out somewhere with me?" I asked and her wide green eyes almost seemed to widen more, sparkling like the emeralds they resembled.

"SURE!" She cheered, jumping up without a second thought. Matt glanced up, pausing his game to take out the cigarette that was hanging loosely from his lips. He pushed his goggles up, raising a brow in mock curiosity.

"Your taking Kimmy out today?" He asked, sounding as surprised as Kimmy looked. I shrugged, smiling at Kimmy while she rushed for her coat.

"Sure, why not? She needs some fresh air, and you and Mello could use some seriously needed guy time." He held my gaze for a long moment before pushing his goggles back down, placing the cigarette in his mouth again.

"Just be careful Joe." Was all he had to say.

I couldn't help but notice as I got ready to turn, an all to familiar look crossed over Matt's strong face. It was that 'please forgive me' look, the one he'd throw my way threw I used to beg him to go see Mello while he was healing. It was the look he'd pull out before letting me down, and it was nearly impossible to be mad at him. A cold dread clamped around my stomach, twisting it, and as me and Kimmy made our way to the white van, I felt like I was going to be sick.

What are you planning Matt?

"Ah, it's nice to see you again Kimmy." My brother addressed us as he turned in his little swivel seat, a gentle smile gracing his lips. Kimmy instantly flushed, and I found it adorable how she got so many smiles out of him. She really flattered my brother.

"Hey Ryuzaki, how are you today?" I walked over, leaving Kimmy to stare at the guys in suits that surrounded my brother, to kiss L on the forehead. His long arms slid up, snaking lightly around my waist for a quick hug. I almost didn't feel it.

"I'm fine, thank you." He lowered those big black eyes to stare down at his pale white toes. "It's nice to see you today."

"It is! It's so nice when Miss. Josie comes and visits us!" Matsuda jumped in, smiling brightly, his cheeks flushing a light pink. Since my visits, I've grown very attached to the small team of detectives that my brother assembled into what he called The Kira Investigation Team. They were a good group of people, really dedicated, and they looked after my brother, even when he thought he didn't need that. I could tell he liked it though, the company and the care.

"Thank you Matsuda." I smiled at him, only causing his cheeks to darken. I motioned for Kimmy to come over, and she quickly skirted around all the men to slid in next to my side.

"Whose this?" Mogi stepped over, eyeing Kimmy suspiciously.

"That would be Josie's friend. Be kind to her Mogi, she has no reason to be a suspect of anything. Her innocence is pure." L waved Mogi away, swiveling around in his chair to face his computer screen. I couldn't help but smile over at Kimmy. How sweet, my brother had a crush on her.

"I'm sorry Miss. Kimmy, please accept my apology." Mogi bowed and Kimmy fumbled with her words, trying to tell him it was okay.

"Yes please forgive us all for being a little tense. You see, this case isn't meant to be taken light, so as you can tell. . .we are all very uneasy when dealing with new. . .strangers." L turned his head to the side, his big eyes rolling over to glance at Kimmy. There was an awkward pause, something my brother is very good at creating, before he turned back slowly, his eyes falling down on some chocolates line up in front of him.

"Don't fell bad, they were the same way with me." I smiled, causing some of the men in the room to blush in shame. It was sad really, how much a woman's presence effected these men. I'm sure L kept them on a very tight and punctual schedule, he was always like that, and according to my brother, it wasn't safe for them or their families to be in contact with each other for very long. Meaning, these men lived in this apartment, on constant L surveillance.

"What are you guys doing here anyway?" Kimmy asked, eyeing the dozens of computer screens set up through out the wide room.

"Josie didn't tell you?" L turned in his chair, his eyes locked on me. I shook my head, letting him know that she had no idea that I'd even been visiting him. He sighed, turning his steady stare on Kimmy and part of me wondered if he was even seeing her. Sometimes L could look right at you, and not see a thing about you. "We are investigating a series of mysterious deaths. We have reason to believe they were all committed by the same person, a person who calls themselves Kira and claims that they will be the God of a new world. This person actually believes he is bringing about justice, but I intended to find him and put a stop to him. I am justice!" L slammed his fist down on the desk, smashing a chocolate square under the blow. "Oh my. . .how unfortunate."

Watching as my brother calmly, but sadly peeled away the pieces of ruined chocolate, I was suddenly reminded of Mello and Matt back at home. The look on Matt's face came flooding back into my mind and for a split second, the connection I had between me and Mello snapped, disappearing. For only a moment. It only took that split moment to realize I needed to be home, and quick.

"I'm sorry Ryuzaki, but I have to cut this trip short. There's something that needs to be taken care of back home." L looked up at me expectantly, waiting for the kiss a planted on his forehead, and to slowly and calmly wrap his arms around me. He whispered a goodbye while I whispered a promise to visit soon.

"Joe, what's going on?" Kimmy asked, her face twisted up in confusion.

"Something's not right. . .its with Mello." I glanced over, seeing her face pale out almost instantly.

"What do you mean?" I shook my head, my hold on the steering wheel tightening up to the point where my knuckles were bone white.

"I don't really know. . .I just know I need to be there right now." She closed her mouth, sitting back in the seat and staring out the window. It was hard to explain, but I almost felt like I'd lost Mello completely for a second. . .and the feeling scared me to death.

Pulling into the drive, I calmed my panicked mind, seeing the house was fine, that it was a blazing inferno that had trapped Mello and Matt inside. Since the whole thing with Mello, I used to dread coming home, my mind jumping straight to the worst possibility. But when I'd come to find the house still in tact, my mind would settle and I'd go in the find Mello right where I left him only this time, he wasn't in his room rapping away on the computer, he was in the living room. He was sitting out the couch, slumped over and looking completely drained. His elbows were on his knees, but it wasn't like he was propped up much or anything, just tipped forward, his head almost between his knees. Matt was across from him, his goggles shifted up on his forehead at an odd angle while he rubbed away at his eyes. The mood in the room was tense, and made it almost hard to breathe.

"Hey guys. . .what's going on?" I asked, stepping in and sliding off my coat, throwing it on the back of the nearest chair. Mello didn't move, just continued to stare at the ground between his feet, which really worried me. Matt looked up through his fingers, instantly yanking down his goggles. Kimmy wordlessly slid over to him, going up behind him to support him no matter what.

"Joe. . .we need to talk about some things." Matt's voice sounded horse, like he'd been yelling for a while. My legs turned to jelly but I nodded. "It's something I've been meaning to talk about for a while now. . .but I just couldn't figure out the right time to bring it up. . .so I just am. Joe. . .we're worried about you."

"Worried about me?" My mind was working ahead of me, and I was almost thankful for that. Had it not, it would of taken me forever to try and begin to figure out what he meant.

"Yeah, very worried. Since your last breakdown. . .we've all been waiting. . ."

"Breakdown?" My words felt hallow, and I knew I would start to annoy him if I kept echoing everything he said.

"Yes. . .breakdown. Joe you tried to commit suicide." Mello and Kimmy cringed at the word, and suddenly it hit me.

Matt told Mello.

My heart sank all the way to the floor, ice flooded into my veins and for a handful of seconds, my heart completely stopped. Matt was almost pleading me to forgive him with his eyes, but I couldn't. Church bells started to dong loudly in my ears, and I was scared that the world would start to tip out from underneath me.

"But I didn't. . .I wouldn't. . ." My voice was desperate and breathless and over the sounds of the bells, it sounded completely useless. "I couldn't, I can't!"

"Joe calm down, no one is mad, we are just worried." Matt tired to plead with me, but at this point I was hyperventilating, causing Kimmy's eyebrows to bunch in worry and Matt's face to twist in fear. The bells kept growing louder and louder, scaring me. I couldn't get them to stop, they were almost all I could hear.

"I wouldn't! No! No I wouldn't!" I was shouting, trying to be heard over the bells, trying to be heard period.

"Stop it Joe." And the bells silenced instantly. I looked over at Mello, who was fixing me with a pointed glare. "You knew exactly what you wanted to do the second you lifted the gun to your forehead."

I tried to shake my head no but that didn't help because Mello shouted, standing up, his face contorted with anger. He pointed a finger in my face, right between my eyes, and suddenly the rage drained out of him, replacing the wild, angry eyes with tried, lonely broken ones. My heart shattered almost instantly, and I wanted to fall into his chest, to try and take those eyes away, but I knew he would push me away. He was angry with me. He was disgusted, but worse, he was disappointed.

"Joe. . ." His voice was broken, detached and horse like he'd been screaming to. He reached out, but I pushed his hands away. "Joe. . .you don't like the way I look, do you?"

"NO!"I shouted, my eyes growing wide, my stomach churning and twisting painfully. "NO! I do like the way you look, I love the way you look! I wouldn't throwing myself at you every day if I didn't!"

"Joe, YOU PUT A GUN TO YOUR FOREHEAD WITH A PICTURE OF ME INFRONT OF YOU!" I stumbled back a little, my mouth open, but no explanation coming out. So I turned to Matt who was staring at us, his eyes wide. I narrowed mine, building up enough anger to just let it all out on him.

"You! YOU TOLD HIM! YOU TOLD HIM! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" I shrieked, scaring Kimmy and causing Matt's eyes to widen even more, if that was even possible.

"Joe, I had to tell him. ."

"You didn't have to tell him anything!" My voice was at the point of hysterical, and I was waiting for it to give out.

"Joe, you tried to kill yourself!" Matt shouted, taking his goggles off and throwing them across the room. His blue eyes were rimmed in bright pink letting me know that the conversation that him and Mello had wasn't a good one. I swallowed hard, and then my eyes caught onto Kimmy who was standing behind Matt, looking lost and confused.

"You have no right to tell Mello that Matt, not when you sit there and do what you do everyday!" His eyes widened and Kimmy stopped breathing. I bit my lip for a second, knowing that I was going to ruin their relationship, but not able to stop myself.

"That is not the same thing Joe. This is the second time you've tried this. If it weren't for me, you would of scrubbed the skin right off your arms. " He lowered his voice, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Not the same?! NOT THE SAME?! It's not like you hide it very well, even your own damn girlfriend knows about it!" Kimmy gasped and Matt stared at me for a long moment before turning back to Kimmy.

"Is that true?" He whispered and I turned away, knowing that they would start fighting and it was all my fault. Mello was glaring at me, his nose flared, the angry scars on his face almost looked darker from the anger that was turning his pale cheeks a deep red.

"Mello, you have to listen to me, I did it because I was scared." I whispered, trying to make him understand but he shook his head, his shaggy hair swaying across the burns. A flash of that night popped into my head and I squeezed my eyes shut tight, trying to forget it all again.

"No, Joe. You weren't scared! You can't understand what scared is!" He shouted and I looked up, pissed now.

"You can't stand there and actually believe that! You selfish son of a. . . You don't know what it was like after you LEFT me. You walked out on me, you left me all alone. You quit caring about me, and then a month later, a whole month later, I find you on the side of a blown up building, praying to a God you don't even believe in, burned to death! I was scared out of my mind! I thought I was going to lose you forever. Walking out on me is fine, but knowing you aren't alive anymore kills me inside!" His brown eyes were wide, his mouth parted. He was completely speechless, my words were having a hard time sinking in. Finally, he caught up to me, and the anger was back. Flaring up all over again.

"I didn't walk out on you Joe! I left to find out that I wasn't good enough to be the next L! I knew if I said goodbye to you, I wouldn't be able to leave! You have that effect on people! But this Joe is something different. This is the second time you've done this!" His eyes trailed down to my arms, all the raised and puff patches where I stuck my arms under blistering water and scrubbed them until they bleed. I told Mello that they were from cooking, but I didn't actually think he'd believe me. They didn't look like burns, they looked like scrapes. Like something tried to peel the skin off of me with a jagged rock.

"Mello. . .please. . .it wasn't because of your face, that had nothing to do with it." I tried to plead, moving closer to him but he took a step back.

"How can I believe that Joe? He found you with a picture of me on the floor in front of you. You were going to blow your brains out with the thought of my old face in your head." He shouted and the tears started to fall. I couldn't help it. I knew he was right, I was looking at the old him when I held the gun to my head. I was thinking of him when he was younger, trying to forget the screaming, moaning mess in the bedroom. I still have nightmares of that night. Not as bad as Mello, but they happen all the same.

"I thought you were going to die Mello, I was scared." I whispered, my voice trembling all over the place. He growled in frustration, running an aggravated hand through his hair.

"What difference does it make if I died or not, it's not about that!" He shouted and I had to look away. He really didn't get it. He couldn't see that I killed myself because I couldn't live a day without him. I bit my lip, holding back a heavy sob.

"Because Mello, I really love you." His mouth clamped shut and his eyes widened. For the first time since we started arguing, I realized that the room was noisy with screams and shouts if accentuation. Everyone was mad and hurt because of secrets. We were destroying each other by keeping these things to ourselves.

"What are you talking about Joe?" He stared at me like I was crazy, and the next thing I said couldn't be stopped.

"I LOVE YOU MELLO! Don't you get it! I love you, I always have!" I took in a deep break, tears flowing in a steady stream down my face. "Why can't you just love me back?!"

Everything went deadly quiet. Kimmy and Matt stopped screaming at each other to turn and stare at Mello and me, shocked that I finally said it. I said it. I finally told Mello that I loved him. And he was staring at me like I'd just told him I was about to run off to the circus with a midget. He didn't believe me. . .he really didn't love me back. . .

And then two strong arms slid around my shoulders, drawing me into a strong chest. The smell of chocolate filled my nose and I instantly relaxed into the hold. Wrapping my arms around Mello's thin waist, I silently cried into his chest, while his warm lips found their way to my neck .

"I love you Josephina. I always have."


	16. Chapter 16 Kimblee's POV

The house grew quiet, the weight of all the words that were thrown around that day, were hanging in the air, weighing down on us, but the heaviest one was what Joe and Mello had finally said. They finally told each other what we all knew and yet, even though I was happy for them, I still wished none of this had ever happened and that I can go back to earlier today when Matt and I were sitting in the living room. He was happily playing his little game on the floor, his back against the couch, his goggles resting on the top of his head and I was sitting on the couch, watching him and just enjoying being in his company. That was something I loved about hanging with Matt, you really didn't have to talk, you could just be in the same room in a nice comfortable silence. The presence of the other was all you needed. But now, as Matt's blue eyes darkened, staring right threw me, I knew I had messed up. He glanced over his shoulder back at Joe and Mello, who were standing in the middle of the living room, clinging tightly to each other, whispering, then back at me. He shook his head and tore his eyes from me and stomped out the door, slamming it behind him. I didn't waste anytime going after him.

"Matt…wait!" I didn't bother to close the door behind me, but took off down the walkway and grabbed Matt's gloved hand. He stopped and pulled his hand from my grasp and my hand dropped to my side, stung.

"There is nothing to wait for Kimblee, you already know, it doesn't matter." He spat, his blue eyes narrowing and I snapped my mouth shut, the stinging in my eyes intensifying. He turned around on the ball of his foot and started to walk away, he didn't go near the white van but walked down the long winding driveway. I followed after him, having to run, to catch up with him. He didn't turn around, he didn't even acknowledge my presence behind him.

"Where are you going?" He didn't turn around, but get walking with a forced determination, staying silent. The tears started to streak their way down my face and I took a shuttering breath. I had to find a way to fix this, to make it all better. I had just got Matt back into my life again and I felt like I had been living on cloud nine. I couldn't, no wouldn't loose him again. "Matt please stop walking away from me and talk to me!" I screamed.

He stopped, shocked I think, that I actually screamed at him, but he didn't turn around. I violently wiped the tears away from my face, finding them annoying and wishing they'd just stop. "I get it that your mad, but the least you can do is talk with me. That's all I'm asking."

Matt turned around and those blue eyes stared at me, showing nothing. "Fine. Talk." He spoke quietly and I could barely hear him, but I didn't want him to start walking away again, so I started talking.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you that I found them, but I didn't know how and I didn't want you to get mad. Joe just found me crying on the couch after it happened and Mello talked to me and said that you had done it since he knew you, but I just…I couldn't believe it. I still can't." It came out in a breath and my shoulders slumped, the tears still falling freely from my eyes.

He scoffed and shook his head. "Is it really that hard to believe Kimmy?" Matt took a step toward me, slipping the leather gloves off of his hands slowly and slipped them into his back pocket. I couldn't stop my eyes from falling down to the scarred skin and I could feel his eyes on my face watching my reaction. He stopped walking once he was right in front of me.

"It's not hard to believe, the proof is all right here." His voice was barely over a whisper and I couldn't pull my eyes away from the pink raised skin that covered the surface of his skin. I looked up at him, his brow was creased together, making his eyes appear darker, and his mouth was drawn in a tight line. I don't think I'd ever seen him this serious before.

I looked into his eyes, for anything, any kind of emotion that would show me why he does this. But there was nothing. His eyes were blank. I brought a hand up to his, holding it inches away from his, he didn't move or say anything, so I let my fingers brush against his wrist. The tears started to fall harder and I looked back up at him.

"But why?"

He didn't answer right away, but pulled his hand away from mine, and held it up in front of his face, examining his own doings. He finally looked back at me, his eyes growing sad. "They're all different reasons. Each and everyone of them have their own stories."

"That still doesn't answer my question. Why do you do this to yourself?" Matt stared at me for a moment, like he was thinking of how to answer and then finally he just shrugged his shoulders, not finding an answer good enough. I don't know why, but I found myself growing mad at how he could act so calm about something like this. He was hurting himself and putting himself in danger everyday, probably multiple times a day and he didn't seemed to care.

"I don't know Kimblee. I really don't. It's just something I always do. I screw up a lot I guess. It's not big deal. I never take it too far." He looked away and kicked a pebble off the driveway.

"But what if you slip up once Matt? You can't honestly believe you're never going too far! Joe's right, you shouldn't yell at her! How do you know you're not going to do the exact same thing one day!" Matt didn't say anything, but crossed his arms in front of him and shrugged his shoulders.

"I've lived this long, haven't I?" His voice was emotionless and I felt my anger bubbling up inside, not something I'm used to. I usually could contain it a bit better than this, but the way he was talking, it was like if he did go too far, it wouldn't matter. He didn't care if he died and I had a feeling sometimes he wished it. He had nothing to live for. Mello and Joe would be fine without him, they'd be sad, but he knew they had each other and they'd be fine without him. But what about me? Did he not care about me the way that I really cared about him? I mean, I didn't expect him too, but lately I thought he really did. I thought the signs were all there; when he sent Joe to convince me to join them, leaving the controller out so I would play with him and just the way he would stay around me. I honestly thought he cared.

"You don't care do you?" I shrieked, pointing a finger and when he didn't say anything back, I knew it was true. "YOU BASTARD! How can you not care about anything when you have so many people here you care about you and want you around and live! You're a selfish idiot, moron, dumbass and…and I won't let you do this anymore."

"You can't stop anything I do Kimblee. It's not your choice!" Matt shot back, only more quietly. His eyes never left my face or changed from the dull, lifeless expression. It started to become harder to breath and I stared at Matt, ignoring the tears that were falling down my face, wishing there was something I could do that could change all this. He didn't have to hurt himself, he was a happy carefree guy. Nothing bothered him and as I thought more into it, I could finally see why. He took everything out on himself, so nothing ever bothered him.

"Matt…you don't have to do this though. I…you can't…YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!" The words rushed from my mouth and were left hanging in the air. My breathing stopped as I finally realized what I had just said. Matt stared at him, his beautiful blue eyes were wide. After a few more moments of silence I finally spoke, but this time in nothing more but a whisper.

"You can't do this, because I lost you once and I don't think I could live through it again. Especially not like this." I looked down at the ground, not able to meet his gaze and I heard him shuffle towards me and then his feet came into my line of vision.

"I would never leave you Kimbee. I made that mistake once and it was the hardest one to get over." Matt cradled my head between both his hands and lifted it up causing me to look up into his eyes. I sniffled and he brushed his thumbs over my cheek bones, wiping away the tears, he then brought his head closer to mine, leaving his lips inches away from mine. "You mean way too much to me Kimblee Samantha Bricker." He whispered, his lips barely brushing against mine and then it happened. He dropped his lips onto mine and kissed me. I instantly reacted and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down closer to me. One hand left the side of my face and buried itself into my hair. My heart sped up and started to swell with happiness and I thought it was going to burst.

Matt's lips left mine and my eyes slowly opened and I looked up at Matt and smiled shyly.

"Wow." I whispered and Matt laughed nervously and cleared his throat taking a step back, but his hand found mine, his fingers linking through mine. I let my thumb trace over the scars over his hand. Matt looked down at our hands and brought mine up to his lips and kissed it softly. "You mean a lot to me too Matt. You're my best friend."

Matt's eyes sparkled mischievously and I smiled. "You're mine too." We walked back up the long winding drive way to the cabin and my thumb continued to trace over the scars of his hand. In the back of my mind there was nagging feeling that none of what I said mattered and that he wasn't going to stop hurting himself, but it was just going to have to become something that I'd have to learn to live with.

The only question was, could I?

Joe started to go out and see her friend more often and she started to take me with her, stating that her friend, L, enjoyed my company. Which I enjoyed his also and all the men that worked for him. Matsuda was my favorite, he was a silly man and wasn't the brightest man on this Earth, but he was really sweet and always cheered at the sight of Joe and I, greeting us with a big happy smile. It had become sort of a routine now, that Joe made sure she stuck too. She'd go see L at least three times a week, taking me two of those times.

And that's where I was now, enjoying a cup of warm tea, with L and Joe. They were talking about something that I wasn't really paying attention too, but trying to figure out something that had been bothering me for a while. I had noticed it the first time I met L, but thought nothing of it, but as I came to see him more and get to know him better, I realized that Joe resembled him greatly and the way she was so kind and careful around him, made it stand out more. L acted the same towards Joe, for one he called her Josie, which I had only noticed that Mello would do on occasion. She didn't let many people do it, but she never said a thing to L. They also had the dark, thick black hair, and wide eyes, while L's were a deep brown, close to black and Joe's were a brilliant bright blue, they were both bigger than the average person's. And also, they were both extremely thing, but healthy.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. They were related! I almost smacked myself for being an idiot and not seeing it sooner. It was right there in front of me, plain to see, but I never put two and two together.

"Miss. Kimmy, is everything alright? You've been rather quiet." I shook my head and looked over at L, a blush rising to my cheeks as his deep blank eyes fell on me. I nodded my head, taking a gulp of my tea.

"Yes. Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts." I smiled shyly and placed my tea cup on the small table in front of us. L didn't say anything, just lifted the tea cup to his lips and took a big sip. Joe, next to me downed her coffee quickly a placed it on the table, giving a happy sigh.

"What are you thinking about?" L continued, placing his tea cup on the table also, only to replace it with a cup of strawberries, that he instantly started to eat.

I glanced over at Joe who was making herself another cup of coffee and back at L who was enjoying his strawberries. It had to be true, even watching them now, they had a certain way of how they did things. Joe had to make her coffee a certain way and if it wasn't done right, she wouldn't be that happy afterwards and watching L now, he ate his strawberries a certain way.

It was the only thing that made sense.

"Are you two brother and sister?" Two eyes slowly looked over at me, frozen and unblinking. Joe's mouth dropped open and instantly closed shut and L, didn't even move, a strawberry stopped midway to his mouth.

I guess that was the wrong question to ask.


End file.
